


Call Me Boo

by TehrBear



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop, Music RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Maybe a happy ending, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recreational Drug Use, Violence, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-06-08 06:46:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 67,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6843544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TehrBear/pseuds/TehrBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongin's neighbour intrigues him for reasons he can't explain, but when he finds out something he would have been better off not knowing, he can't help but get involved despite everyone around him telling him it's not a good idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. History

**Author's Note:**

> This has not been beta'd so all mistakes are my own. If you find any grammar/spelling mistakes please do tell me.
> 
> I do not own the characters as they are real people but I own all other elements of the story which is completely fictional and not to be taken seriously at all.
> 
> Some notes about the story:
> 
> -OT12 inclusive but focus is only on a few of them in this.
> 
> -Warning for things like violence, alcohol consumption and drug use.
> 
> -Work in progress
> 
> -Since this is RPF keep in mind that nothing in this story is true including how i choose to portray their personalities etc. and it does not in any way express how I feel about them or how they feel about each other. Since it's AU they may as well be original characters with coinciding names.
> 
> Enjoy!

There wasn't much of a choice when it came to living arrangements for Jongin. Small and cheap, that's all he could manage. Being a second year university student meant that he wasn't exactly sitting on stacks just waiting to be spent but instead living paycheck to paycheck from his part time job and trying to maintain his scholarship, otherwise he'd just have to resort to being homeless to be able to pay tuition. Either that, or drop out.

The year before, he'd received priority, being a first year student, in dorm assignments on campus, but due to external forces that unfortunately controlled him more than he could control them, he wasn't as lucky this time around. He chose to find himself his own place instead of moving back home and having to commit to the hour and a half long commute to campus and another hour and a half back every day.

He hadn't been dependent on his parents for over a year now, and he didn't want to go back to that. He preferred not being questioned every time he went out or wanted to have people over. His parents weren't overbearing, they were just… parents—and he was no longer a child, and didn't want to be treated as one again after tasting independence.

Now that he had committed to adulthood, he was bound to a small flat with one bedroom, a living room that also served as a kitchen and a bathroom that he only barely fit into, but it had its charms. There was a small balcony attached to the bedroom—which was a blessing—looking out onto a street that didn't quiet down much even as the late hours of the night turned into the early morning, but he loved the sounds of the city—a joyous change from the stillness of the suburbs he grew up in.

His campus was only a fifteen minute walk away, his part time job was just across the street, and anything he needed wasn't more than a few blocks away, including a small dance studio he had joined when he started attending university. It wasn't a particularly crime infested area of the city either, and he was lucky to have found a place with such cheap rent considering the rent of the flats in other buildings in the general area. Though he didn't know why it was so cheap in comparison, he couldn't find any surface flaws, and therefore, he didn't really give much thought to it.

The apartment wasn't furnished, but that didn't matter to him. His mother was amazing at finding deals and she had helped him find a few used things—chairs, a small coffee table, what could be considered a nightstand, and a decent desk—at a remarkably cheap price and he didn't mind not having a bed frame for his old mattress. It would have been just as pricey to move his furniture from his room at his parents house than to buy some used furniture himself, even though his parents offered to help him out. He refused. He was, after all, grown up and all.

Plates and cups were easily found at discount stores and most of his groceries consisted of anything packaged with the word ‘instant’ on it. In fact, the most expensive thing he had bought for his new apartment was probably his microwave, to heat up said ‘instant’ paraphernalia. His fridge was one donation from his parents he didn't refuse.

He couldn't imagine that anyone he knew lived any differently. What were normal students even supposed to do in this time if not just try to survive with what they had?

So that's how he found himself, only a week into his second year and a month in what was possibly his home for the next three years at minimum. He hadn't found anything to complain about so far. He hadn't interacted with his neighbors much, but the walls were fairly thin and he could hear muffled movement sometimes late at night when things were fairly quiet. It was never distinguishable, and he wasn't nosy. He was as content as he could be.

He hadn't thought much about being anything other than content.

\----

Jongins first week had been rough. His professors dove into lectures from the get go with no time to prepare for anything and his TA’s were dishing out assignments as if they were already well into the year. It didn't help that he had two majors, making his work load twice as much as people with a major and minor or those who were specializing in a single field. He was glad to at least have a passion for what he was doing.

One thing was a problem, however, that despite already having a significant amount of work to do, he hadn't yet bought all of his textbooks. He had attempted to get them before the summer break ended but the campus bookstore had run out and he was put on a wait list of sorts for when the new shipment came.

He had contemplated buying the textbooks online but they cost significantly more with the added cost of shipping and he decided he'd rather stay up late to catch up on chapter readings than to spend more money than necessary as his scholarship only covered tuition.

He found himself at the bookstore early morning on the Monday of his second week, after having received a notification for the new shipment of books the night before. He didn't need to roam the aisles as they already had the books he needed ready for him at cash, he only needed to wait in line. A line that started a mile outside of the store. It seemed like he wasn't the only one waiting for the shipment.

The reason he had come so early was to beat the crowd but the crowd must have had the same idea and so he waited—not-so-patiently—at the very end of the line, hoping that this would be over before his first class of the day started.

Two of his friends passed by on their way to their own classes, stopping to mock his misery.

“This is why I _told_ you to be smart like me and buy your books as early as possible, Jongin,” Baekhyun told him. For someone as delicate looking as him, he seemed to find pleasure in provoking people bigger than him, and Jongin wasn't so sure he was above violence, as the line had only moved slightly forward in the twenty minutes he had already been standing there. “That's what I did and now I don't have to suffer.”

He only stared his friend down. “Do your courses even require textbooks? You're a music major.”

Baekhyun looked ready to push him down a flight of stairs, but it was Chanyeol that replied. “For some classes. Music Theory, History of Composition, you know, the nitty gritty stuff.”

“Whatever.”

“Come on Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said. “Why should we subject ourselves to his negativity? He can drown in his own self pity.”

Chanyeol laughed at the way Jongin's jaw dropped. “You're going to leave me here? Alone?!”

Baekhyun was already walking away. “I'm not going to wait in a line when I don't have to just because you're lonely.”

Chanyeol followed him, still grinning.

Jongin couldn't believe he called them friends. _Some friends they are. Leaving me here all alone._ He would wait in a line for them. Maybe.

He guessed he understood how Baekhyun might be offended, even though Chanyeol seemed unfazed. His poorly worded comment on them being music majors and his grumpy tone probably put him off. He told himself he should apologize later.

Jongin had known Chanyeol and Baekhyun since high school. They had been a year older and had graduated before him, but for three years before that he had been in many of the same clubs and sports teams as the two, so there had been plenty of familiarity between them. They had spotted him during his first few weeks of first year, looking lost and confused, trying to find a lecture that he was already twenty minutes late for and greeted him as if it hadn't been a year since they had last spoken. He had stuck with them ever since.

Not that he hadn't made friends and acquaintances in his own year. He had, but he didn't know most of them quite as well as he knew these two just yet.

“Don't worry. I'm sure it won't take much longer.”

Jongin looked up, surprised that someone had spoken to him. He had to turn around to see who it had been, not realizing how many people had lined up behind him since he had joined the line. Directly behind him, was one of the aforementioned acquaintances from his year, Sehun.

He was the one who had spoken, but Jongin couldn't believe he hadn't notice Sehun join the line.

They had shared some classes the year before and even worked closely on a project with some other people but it had been a while since they had talked. Jongin hadn't reached out to him over the summer because over the time they had known each other, Jongin had discovered something to do with Sehun that he wasn't sure he was entirely comfortable with.

“How long have you been standing here?” he blurted out.

Sehun's eyebrows knitted together. _Wow, I'm on a roll with insulting people today._

“Not much longer than you. You didn't notice me, did you?”

“Guess not. Sorry…”  _Why didn't he say something when he got here?_

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why are you sorry?”

Jongin was surprised by the question. This was his first time seeing Sehun since the summer had started, and he had forgotten how direct the boy could be.

“Uh, I don't know. For not noticing you earlier, maybe?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

Jongin didn't like the direction of the conversation. He couldn't tell if Sehun was angry at not being noticed or not.

“No?”

Sehun cracked a smile then. _Not angry then._ “I'm just teasing.”

Jongin frowned. “Well, don't. It’s bad enough I have to stand here for who knows how line _and_ get shit from Baekhyun who absolutely _loves_ saying ‘I told you so’.”

“Okay, I'm sorry.”

“Why?”

“What?” Sehun tilted his head slightly to the side in confusion, his lips parted slightly. The only way it could have been any more amusing is if he reached up and to scratch his head.

Jongin smirked. “Why are you sorry?”

“Huh? _Oh_ ,” Sehun grimaced. “Don't start.”

Jongin laughed softly.

“Hey, I'm stuck in this line just like you.”

It felt easy to get back into groove with Sehun. Though Jongin wasn't sure how close he considered them to be, he didn't expect Sehun to be so easy to talk to after three months without contact. Their conversation went much better than the small talk he'd shared with some of the other people in his year. They found out they were taking some of the same courses, and they were both double majors in the same subjects. That didn't surprise Jongin. He already knew Sehun was a dancer and was taking criminology too, that was how Jongin had met him.

The time passed quickly with Sehun to talk to him and keep him distracted, and he tried to keep his attention focused on Sehun's words but his mind wandered to other things. Like whether they were in the same time slots for the courses they shared. Whether he already had people to sit next to or if he had someone he would consider as a primary person to ask about group assignments for the rest of the year.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when they reached the counter and it was Jongin's turn. He payed for his books and waited at the entrance for Sehun to pay for his.

“So where's your first class?” Jongin asked him, hoping it was the same as his.

“Instructional Centre. You?”

“Same.” Jongin heart skipped a beat before he could ask the next question. “Which room?”

“403. I don't think I saw you there last Monday.”

Jongin's spirits dropped. “I'm in 405.”

“Ah, we're in different sections.”

Jongin huffed slightly and Sehun laughed.

“We probably have other classes together though.”

Jongin took a leap of faith. “Wanna meet up after and compare schedules?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

_It does? It does!_

“Great.” They reached their building and made their way inside, stopping when they reached Sehun's class.

“Meet me here when you're done?”

“Yeah. See you then.”

Sehun nodded and pulled open the door, disappearing inside. Jongin took a few moments to gather his thoughts before he head down the hall to his own class.

\----

If possible, the second week was far worse than the first. Jongin guesses it's his own fault since he asked Sehun about his schedule, because now Sehun sits next to him in every class they share, and even sometimes joins him when he has lunch with Baekhyun and Chanyeol. However, he can't say he hates it.

He doesn't know when, but as his and Sehun's friendship was just budding in their first few months of knowing each other, Jongin had come to a point where he couldn't stop thinking about the other, despite their minimum interaction. The more they talked, the stronger his attraction became—and it was uncomfortable at first. He wasn't sure what to do. His feelings were evolving, slowly but surely, and he knew he had to somehow overcome the uneasiness.

So he did. By the time the end of the year rolled around, he accepted what he felt, and even considered him and Sehun to be good friends. But interacting with him for the past few days, he didn't know how he had done it—ignored, suppressed, somehow pushed his feelings to the back burner—because it seemed as though the summer had erased any progress he had made and he was once again unsure of what to do around Sehun.

He wished it was as easy as just deciding to do it. To just decide to overcome his crush and do it. But it wasn't. Instead, he figured he might as well enjoy Sehun's presence, even if it made things worse. He'd rather not continue to seem uncomfortable around Sehun, because he was sure that others, namely Baekhyun and Chanyeol were noticing, even if Sehun himself seemed clueless.

But that wasn't the only reason his week was stressful. His neighbours had for some reason decided that they were going to fight all night, _every_ night.

Monday evening they were yelling outside his door, and though he couldn't make out what they were yelling about, it didn't sound good. Tuesday the fight lasted a lot longer than the night before, and after it was over, sleep still refused to come to him. He was overcome with sadness the entire night, as if his neighbours were projecting their feelings through the walls to him. It didn't help that he could hear tireless, muffled crying throughout.

Wednesday morning was horrible. He felt a finger prodding his arm. He rubbed at it absentmindedly but didn't raise his head. All of a sudden, someone smacked his shoulder. Hard. His eyes flew open and he turned his head from where it was cushioned on top of his arms to see who was suicidal enough to disturb him and realized, blinking rapidly, that he was in class and people were gathering their things and getting up to leave. Sehun was regarding him with an amused expression.

“Rough night?”

It had been. The crying from the night before was somehow still ringing in his ears.  “Leave me alone.”

“Thought you were dead. You barely looked like you were breathing.”

“Yeah, well, I'm breathing now, I guess.”

Sehun cocked his head at him. “If you're already so stressed about school that you're not getting any sleep, I don't think I want to see what you're going to be like near finals.”

Jongin didn't bother correcting his assumption.

That night wasn't as extreme, there was just as much fighting, however he didn't feel sad after it was over and there was no crying. He didn't know why it was keeping him awake at all. The sounds themselves weren't loud. But he just couldn't bring himself to fall asleep for more than a few hours in the early hours of the morning.

The next day went better than before. He only had two major lectures and he had a few hours in between them so he found a quiet corner in the campus library and took a well deserved nap. His day ended fairly early on Thursdays, around one in the afternoon. He had work after. He had a part time job at a small privately owned cafe right across from his apartment building. He had actually found the flat because of his job.

He had started working in his first year and his buildings landlord had left flyers looking for new tenants at the shop. His boss lived in the same building and attested that the landlord was a decent man and the building had no major issues and a lot of students over the years had rented there with no issues, so he contacted the landlord and chose to move in.

The coffee shop was owned by a nice, but strict man named Yifan. He had told Jongin that he usually didn't hire young students but Jongin had experience working at a chain coffee place in high school and he convinced Yifan that he'd need minimal training and supervision. So far his boss seemed satisfied with his work ethic.

Despite his uncaring outer demeanor, Yifan ran a tight ship. He required everything to be executed in a particular manner in order for things to run smoothly, as the coffee shop had a lot of regulars from the area, as well as a lot of foot traffic since it was so close to the university campus and a lot of offices. He was a bit of a clean freak too and had his employees clean the equipment extensively at least once every three hours to ensure quality and health.

Jongin was scrubbing an already spotless oven when Yifan approached him.

“Settling in okay?” he asked, not so subtly looking over Jongin to make sure he was cleaning properly.

“Yeah, there wasn't much to settle in the first place.”

Yifan leaned back, seemingly satisfied. “That's good. The buildings really not bad. Some of the people are… interesting. But other than that, it's pretty good especially in terms of rent.”

Jongin stopped scrubbing. He pulled his head out of the oven to raise an eyebrow at Yifan's comment. “Yeah, there's some interesting people alright.”

Yifan mirrored his expression. “Get yourself in trouble with someone already?”

“Not really. My neighbours are just a little noisy.” Noisy probably wasn't the correct word to use. They hadn't made much noise really, Jongin was just having a bout of insomnia for some reason and happened to up to hear whatever was going on.

Yifan frowned. “You're on the fourth floor right? Apartment 410?”

Jongin was almost taken aback by the fact that Yifan would know that. But then he remembered that he'd had to update his information after moving. Of course his employer would know his exact address when he'd just told him a while ago. “Yeah, why?”

“I think I know who you're talking about. They're loud, alright.”

Jongin ducked his head back down and went back to scrubbing. “I think the people next door are just having… trouble, or something.”

“Trouble? Hm… don't know about that.”

Before Jongin could ask his boss what he meant by that, he heard retreating footsteps. He huffed slightly. He'd just leave it alone for now. His first few nights had been quiet enough so it couldn't be that bad. He'd talk to his landlord about what to do if it did happen to get loud instead of trying to confront his neighbours himself. Or maybe he'd just get his regular sleep patterns back and he wouldn't have to worry about anything.

As he was leaving at the end of his shift he looked up at the sun setting behind his building. His gaze travelled down across all the balconies facing the street. He counted the floors to try and figure out which balcony was his and found it pretty quickly. It was one of the only ones that was completely bare, no furniture under the shade or clothesline running across the railing.

His eyes flitted just for a second to the balcony directly to the right—identical to his in the respect that it was also completely bare—and he noticed a man standing there, leaning against the railing. He couldn't see any distinguishable features from where he was but he wondered who it had been from the past nights. Was he the one who would do most of the yelling and then leave, slamming the door in his wake, or the one who would sob all night? Then he realized he didn't really care.

The evening started out quiet for the most part. He got all his work done, even managed to copy Sehun's notes from the lecture he had slept through. Feeling accomplished, he stripped and got under his thin blanket. Just as was falling asleep he heard the telltale sound of a bed creaking rhythmically. He groaned out loud. He couldn't believe that his neighbours—who seemed to have had a pretty serious arguments the nights before—were getting more action than he was. It was quite annoying.

At least they weren't fighting anymore. He figured this was better. Maybe he had a better chance of getting some sleep this way.

Jongin did his best to drown it out and it worked but sleep came and went as if someone was flicking a switch on and off in his brain. For some reason, he could almost feel the walls pulsating with emotion. It had been sadness before, oozing through the air and suffocating him like a thick blanket, not letting him get any rest. There had been a point during the night on Tuesday where he couldn't distinguish if it had been his neighbour crying or him. Now, it was fear and maybe… jealousy?

Jongin wasn't an expert when it came to emotions but he was decent at recognizing his own, and he was appalled that he felt jealousy surging through him, hearing soft groans coming from next door. But what was even more appalling was the fear. He couldn't comprehend why he felt so scared.

Jongin's heart was racing. Despite the lack of clothes and only a thin sheet covering him, he began sweating profusely. He had the most unnerving feeling that something bad could happen at any second. Or it might already be happening.

A slam of a door echoing through the walls pulled him out of his half asleep reverie, and it started again. The sobbing. He was sure he was still on the verge of passing out from exhaustion as the crying reached his ears, sounding like it was coming from television with a bad connection through a closed door.

He threw the blanket off in an attempt to cool off. He turned his pillow over and buried his face into the cooler side and when he pulled away for a breath it was already soaked with sweat. Jongin got up quickly, thinking there was no point in lying there if sleep wasn't going to come. He opened his door and stepped out into his half kitchen half living room area, the only other room in the tiny apartment besides his bedroom and the bathroom.

He was glad he did because when he closed the bedroom door, he could no longer hear the crying and the heat seemed to dissipate from his body. He grabbed a glass and filled it with water and sat down on one of the two chairs he had in his living room with a shaky sigh. He downed the glass in one go and put it down by his feet, not even bothering to stretch forward and set it on his small coffee table.

 _What's going on with me?_ He didn't have a history of insomnia. He wasn't taking any kind of medication that could affect his sleep patterns or emotions. The semester had only just started and he was caught up on everything and even his part time job wasn't bad, so he wasn't even stressed out or anything of the like. He was perfectly fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time posting EXO fanfiction!
> 
> Comments are greatly appreciated whether it's constructive criticism or just what you think about it.
> 
> The only reason I really post anything I write is to get feedback on my writing and since I'm writing as I'm posting, your opinions will affect my writing and hopefully you'll like the story even more that way :)
> 
> Chapters will take from two days to week depending on how much time I have that particular week.
> 
> Thank you for reading the first chapter and I hope you will continue!


	2. The Calm... Before the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this slightly drunk I'm so sorry........

Jongin didn't realize how easily he'd fallen asleep in the chair. Despite the pain in his neck from the awkward position the chair put him in, he felt like he'd had a decent rest. It was all in his head. Maybe he just needed to be truly exhausted to pass out properly the way he had. Or maybe there was something wrong with his mattress or the ventilation in his bedroom. All that aside, he couldn't explain the intense feeling of fear and jealousy he had felt overcome him just as he was laying there. They weren't emotions that usually went together just on their own.

Still, he couldn't complain. It was Friday. That meant his classes didn't start till eleven but didn't end till seven, and that meant he didn't have to go into work. It also meant he could _relax_ well that night. Nothing was going to steal sleep from him after he was done _relaxing_.

He went back to his bedroom and sprawled onto the bed—no longer soaked with his sweat—limbs scattered as he set an alarm for a couple of hours ahead. He didn't want to be up any earlier than he absolutely had to be. There were no sounds coming through the wall. There was no bombardment of crippling emotion. Just familiar smells of his bedroom lulling him back to sleep.

He woke up a few minutes before his alarm was due to ring. That annoyed him immensely. The alarm was there for a reason. If he wanted to be up a few minutes before he would have set it for a few minutes before. He scrolled through social media until the intended alarm went off and then continued scrolling for a while before finally rolling out of bed.

Jongin had been looking forward to Friday ever since he'd decided to enjoy his time with Sehun, instead of worrying about how to ignore his feelings. It was the only day of the week in which every class he had was shared with Oh Sehun. Which meant he got to spend practically the entire day with him and only him, with the exception of their lunch hour, which they shared with Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

He didn't mind either of them in any other environment, of course, but he preferred if they kept away from Sehun for the time being. Because he _likes_ Sehun, and Chanyeol and Baekhyun likely _know_ that, probably having figured it out through his fretful awkwardness throughout the week.

He just hoped they'd mind their own business.

He guessed he should have known that he had no such luck.

He found Sehun waiting for him outside their lecture hall at 11:05. Everyone else was already inside.

“I thought you weren't gonna show.”

“Sorry,” Jongin said, as they entered the class together. “I thought I was on time for the bus but I missed it and ended up having to walk.”

There were only about two hundred people in the class, but the lecture hall was made to seat almost five hundred so finding seats together was easy. They sat near the back, which Jongin noticed Sehun liked to do, and he went along with it, even though he wasn't wearing his contacts, and didn't have his back up glasses. He made a mental note to always keep them with him so that he wouldn't have trouble sitting with Sehun in the back.

\----

“Jongin,” Baekhyun started, pretty much as soon as he and Chanyeol joined Jongin and Sehun on one of the picnic tables near the campus field with their lunches, “Don't you have to do a performance with a partner for your first assignment in one of your dance classes? Who have you picked for a partner?”

Jongin looked up from his food, his answer barely above a murmur. “No one yet.”

He was ninety nine percent positive as to where Baekhyun was going with this, but if it was what he was thinking, he regretted ever telling Baekhyun anything and vowed to never share details of his life with the older boy ever again.

“Aw, that's too bad,” Baekhyun pouted. Jongin couldn't believe how bad the acting he was witnessing was.

“Hey,” Chanyeol cut in, “Sehun, you don't have a partner yet either, do you?”

Jongin _could not believe_ that Chanyeol was worse of an actor than Baekhyun was and especially that he was in on this too. He put down his sandwich and hid his face in his palms.

Sehun, however, was surprised at being addressed at all. He didn't know Baekhyun or Chanyeol much at all, only sitting with them because he was hanging out with Jongin. Or at least that's what Jongin assumed. He didn’t really understand why Sehun would choose to sit with them, especially since he didn’t know Jongin’s friends well enough to be all that comfortable with them.

“Uh, no. Haven't thought much about it yet.”

“Well the two of you might as well pair off with each other, right?”

“Yeah!” Baekhyun butt in again. “Saves you the trouble of trying to find competent people to partner up with.”

“That sounds like a good idea to me,” Sehun said, shrugging.

Jongin's mouth hung open in disbelief for a few seconds, as he let his hands fall away from his face, before he felt he was capable of replying. “Yeah. Sounds good… I guess.”

A strange expression crossed Sehun's face. Jongin was barely able to catch it before everyone's attention was captured by a brawl that seemed to break out on the field. But Jongin wasn’t really paying attention. He couldn't get over how Sehun was unofficially his dance partner for an assignment. Not only was there no doubt they would get an A with their combined skills but _he'd get to work and perform with Oh Sehun_.

\----

Jongin and Sehun had come to know each other in their first year due sharing a few classes. Both of them were in the same programs—planning to double major in dance and criminology—so after recognizing each other a whole bunch of times they finally introduced themselves, getting along great from the get go.

That's how it had all started.

Sehun was always the one initiating the interactions. Jongin spoke a lot more than him, but Sehun was usually the one who started the conversations. It was good for Jongin, in a way. It reassured him, that Sehun actually wanted to talk to him. Because otherwise, he felt like he was the only one who spoke. If it wasn't for Sehun speaking first, Jongin would think he was bothering him.

He was grateful that Chanyeol and Baekhyun were a year older than them and therefore didn’t share any classes with them. Since he had known them well from high school, they knew him well enough to know when he developed a crush and would have been able to pinpoint the exact date and time that Jongin's feelings for Sehun went from platonic to much more, better than Jongin would have guessed himself.

One second he was sharing a laugh with his friend and the next he was blushing at everything Sehun did. But apparently Sehun hadn't noticed, because for some reason Jongin thought he would be the type to comment on it if he did. Sehun wasn't a talkative person but he said what he thought.

\----

They walked to their next lecture together, after watching the kid who had initiated the fight on the field get the shit beaten out of him, but Sehun wasn't really looking at him, much less talking to him and Jongin didn't think it had to do with watching the fight. It didn't bother Jongin too much, he was too excited about working with him in the evening to really notice Sehun was replying to whatever he was saying with one word answers and grunts, and not really initiating conversation the same as before.

The day didn't progress quickly enough, but finally they were standing outside the main dance studio that their last class was held in. Jongin reached for the door handle but Sehun stopped him.

“You don't have to be my partner, you know. I can find someone else.”

Jongin felt his heart sink to his stomach. “You… don't want to be my partner?”

Sehun scowled. “No, _you're_ the one that seems to have a problem with us being partners.”

“I honestly don't know why you would think that.” And he really didn't. Had he done something? Said something? He had no idea.

“I know your friends were trying to get us partnered up to annoy you or something. That is, if the fact that you looked like you were going to murder them was anything to go by.”

“That's not why I—”

“And then you agreed to it as if I was your last choice to begin with. ‘ _Sounds good… I guess.’_ ” Jongin couldn't believe Sehun had just imitated him. “So spare me my pride.”

Sehun sounded like such a petulant child, Jongin couldn't help himself, he laughed. That only seemed to aggravate Sehun further. He looked just about ready to walk away, stomping his feet as he went, but Jongin put a hand on his shoulder.

“I _do_ want to be your partner.” Sehun rolled his eyes. “I swear! I couldn't ask for anyone better.”

Sehun cast his eyes to the floor at that comment. Jongin almost started regretting he'd said it until he realized that Sehun looked like he was fighting a smile.

“Great. Well, let's go then, _partner_.”

\----

Jongin could call it a good day. He was a little off his game while dancing because of the awkward posture he'd slept in on his cheap chair, but despite that, he'd enjoyed working with Sehun and only Sehun for the better part of two hours after clearing up the misunderstanding from earlier in the day. He couldn't help smiling to himself as he walked back to his apartment.

He was looking forward to the rest of the night as well. There was a little box waiting for him in his desk drawer that he hadn't had the chance to break out in a while. He got out of the elevator and practically skipped to his door. The knob of the door a couple of feet away rattled slightly. He paused, key in hand. He thought for a second someone would come out and he'd officially meet his sleep ruining neighbours—if he could even call them that. It was still possible he was suffering from some kind of acute insomnia. No one came out. The handle didn't move again. He shrugged internally and opened his own door. His bag slipped off his shoulders and landed on the floor and he stretched, yawning. He grabbed the box from his drawer and sat cross legged on his bed.

Upon opening it, Jongin was hit with the familiar, pungent smell of dope. The bud was in a little zip lock bag and he got to work on it. He didn't have a grinder so he had to use his fingers but the pot was flaky enough that it practically fell apart in his fingers. It took less than a minute to roll, he wasn't great at it, but he wasn't horrible either. He was absentmindedly wiping the stickiness from his fingers on his blanket when a loud knock resounded from his door. It surprised him so much he almost knocked over the rest of the pot onto his bed. He swore out loud before getting up to answer his door.

He slid the lock and pulled the door open a little to see who it was. There was no one there. The hallway was completely empty. He frowned. He was _sure_ there had been a knock. But it could have been at a different door, maybe he's just still really tired.

He closed the door and went back to his room. He picked everything on his bed up and moved it to his desk before he lay down on his back and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He had a few texts. One was from his mother, asking how he was doing. He replied quickly and politely. The second, third, fourth and fifth were from Chanyeol.

_did u gve me my notebook back???_

_baek?????_

_r u ded baek anser meee_

_oops wrong person nvr mind jonginiiieee this is 4 baekhyun :)))))))) ignre me thnks_

So that's what Jongin did. The last one was from Baekhyun.

_You can thank me later for setting you up ;))) :*_

Jongin rolled his eyes before texting back.

_I don't owe you anything and we're not ‘set up’. We’re just doing an assignment together._

The reply was immediate.

_Yeah sure. We’ll see_

Jongin was just about to put his phone down when it began ringing in his hand. He was so surprised, he dropped it on his face. He groaned pathetically, rubbing his nose, before answering.

“What?!”

“Whoa... what’s up your ass?”

“Sehun?”

“Uh, yeah. Don't you look at your screen before answering?”

“Not always…” He heard Sehun’s laughter. “Why are you calling?”

“Well, I did say I would. We still haven't finalized the music, remember? You said you'd figure it out when you got home and then tell me.”

“Right…” he did say that.

“You're doing it again.”

Jongin frowned. “Doing what?”

“Sounding like talking to me is the last thing you'd rather be doing right now.”

Jongin's eyes flicked to the joint he'd rolled earlier. “Well…”

“Hey!”

“I'm joking,” Jongin said, laughing, borderline giggling. He was once again glad that Sehun was so easy to talk to. He wondered if Sehun was thinking about what he was saying to Jongin as much as Jongin was about what he was saying to Sehun. He doubted it. Only he could be so conscious. Everything Sehun did and said seemed so effortless to him. “To be honest, I haven’t done much since I got home.”

“That's okay, neither have I.”

Jongin wanted to ask Sehun if they could meet up to discuss it the next day, Saturday. He and Sehun had never hung out off campus before. Hopefully he wouldn't think that was too weird. Before he could even try to build up the nerve to say it, Sehun spoke up again.

“Wanna meet up tomorrow? We could discuss it then and maybe grab coffee or lunch or… something.”

Jongin's tongue forced his words back into his throat and when he spoke all that came out was: “What?”

“Never mind, I'll just—”

“That sounds great,” Jongin found himself saying. “I know a bunch of decent places near my apartment. And I'm a member of a dance studio in this neighbourhood too, we could even practice there if we feel like it.”

“Oh. Yeah, that's perfect.”

“I'll, uh, text you my address.”

“Yeah, yeah, do that.”

“Hmm”

“So…”

“So?”

“What's up?” This was the first time he'd ever heard Sehun sound almost meek. Almost.

“Not much, I'm just lazing around. What about you?”

Before he had a chance to hear Sehun's reply, the loud sound of a door opening and slamming into a wall sounded from through the wall his bed was pushed against, followed by breaking glass and yelling. Jongin shot up and stared at the wall as if maybe he looked long enough, he'd figure out what was going on.

“Jongin? Are you still there?”

“Yeah, I just— there's something happening next door.”

“What?” The confusion in Sehun's voice was evident.

For the first time he could make out two distinct voices amongst the muffled and incoherent yelling. Every night before that, it had just been too jumbled up. But he could tell now. One voice sounded angry, and the other was definitely scared. The fear from the night before that had had him sweating a pool into his mattress returned as there were several loud thuds that sounded suspiciously like—he didn't want to imagine what could be happening.

“Jongin what's going on?”

“I think my neighbours are fighting.” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“Damn. That doesn't sound good. Are you okay? You sound terrified.”

“I don't know what's wrong with me,” he continued whispering. He hoped it was too low for Sehun to hear but he wasn't that lucky.

“Listen, take a deep breath.” Jongin listened. Inhaling deeply. Before he could exhale, there was another thud, much louder this time, because it was right against the wall separating him from his neighbours.

“Shit!” he scrambled off the bed as the yelling continued. He went straight out of the bedroom and out his front door, without even donning shoes and paced in front of his neighbor's door, not sure what he should do. Sehun was still talking into his ear.

“I should do something, right? That's not normal. Someone in there is definitely not okay.”

“Jongin, relax.”

“I should do something. Call the police or- or break down the door or something!”

“Definitely do _not_ do that.”

“But—”

“Listen, not only could you make it worse, you could get hurt yourself.”

“Then… then the police?”

Sehun sighed. “I know it's not easy. But you don't know the exact situation. You don't know what calling the police could do.”

“What if- I don't know! What if—”

“What's happening right now?”

Jongin took a deep breath. He strained to hear something but it was eerily quiet.

“Nothing.”

“Then try to calm down okay? And maybe talk to your landlord tomorrow? They might know the situation and they can tell you what to do if you hear anything again.”

Jongin thought about it for a minute. He still would rather just call the police. He stared at the door. There was something about it that made him want to turn away.

“Jongin?”

“Okay.”

“Are you alright now?”

“I think so.” He heard Sehun sigh. At first he thought the other boy might be annoyed. After all, this was more of an outburst than anything. Most people ignored things like this fairly easily and Jongin apparently wasn’t most people. But Sehun didn't sound annoyed when he spoke up again. “You'll call me if anything happens?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Don't forget to text me your address and what time I should come alright?”

“Yeah. I won't forget.”

He hung up first. He still couldn't tear his eyes away from the door despite the dread in the pit of his stomach. He reached out and attempted to touch the knob, but the door shook ever so slightly, as if someone had passed by it in close proximity from the other side, and he quickly retracted his hand. _What am I doing?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who read and left kudos! It really means a lot since I'm coming out of a writing slump.
> 
> Let me know what you think of the second chapter!


	3. Hurt

Jongin hurried back inside, thinking that there really couldn't be any better time to smoke up and relieve stress than now. He grabbed the joint and a lighter from the box and opened the door to his balcony, it led straight out from his bedroom. He was hit with a burst of cold air. He retracted, scowling. The evenings were become chillier as autumn approached. He backtracked and grabbed the first sweater he saw and pulled it over his head.

Stepping out, he realized he didn't have any chairs to sit on but the last tenant had left what looked to be a laundry basket. It looked sturdy enough. He turned it over and settled down on it carefully. With the joint in his mouth he struggled with the lighter in his shaking fingers, swearing quietly every time it failed to light. With a frustrated sigh he gave up, burying his face in his hands.

That's when he heard a door sliding open to his left. His head snapped up towards the sound as he watched a man come out and lean heavily against the railing on the opposite side and then slump down to the floor. His heart began pounding, but he didn't feel scared the way he had before.

Every apartment balcony was on the same platform as the balcony of one other apartment next to it. The two balconies were separated only by one thin railing. It didn't provide much privacy but most of the other balconies in the building had something put up to separate them, obviously done by the tenants. This one, did not.

Jongin noticed the small figures shoulders shaking, the sobs being drowned out by the cars and people on the busy street below, but the longer he watched, an intense hush clouded over the sounds of the evening, leaving only the sobs over a soft static, as if Jongin's brain was intentionally drowning out everything else. The balcony light was glowing, but it wasn't as bright as the one on Jongin's side. He couldn't help but think that it was a cruel commentary on the man's state. Though truthfully Jongin didn't know the man's state for sure. He was pretty certain it couldn't be good if what he had heard before was anything to go by.

Jongin didn't want to intrude on the man's private moment. He didn't know why he had been so affected by what he had been hearing in the past week, and that made him curious. It compelled him—he wanted to gravitate towards the man, maybe somehow comfort him—because Jongin could have only been feeling a tiny fraction from hearing what was happening compared to what this man was feeling going through it. And that made him sick to his stomach.

Jongin didn't want to intrude but he felt a little obligated after being an auditory witness and having done nothing about it.

He stood and walked over to the railing separating the balconies.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice just as quiet as the man's crying. His voice must have carried, however, because the man's head turned to face him. His large eyes were wide and confused. He sniffed and wiped the tear tracks on his cheeks as he nodded.

“Are you sure?” The man tilted his head regarding Jongin for second. The angle caught the glow of the bulb above him and Jongin could clearly see a darkened bruise on the man’s cheek. His lip was split but didn't look to be bleeding. The side of his forehead seemed to be swelling, causing his brow to sag a little above his eye. Jongin swallowed the ball of anxiety developing at the back of his throat, making it a little difficult to breathe, as he watched the man pull himself up and walk in his direction, using the railing to keep himself up as he walked, as if he needed it to continue standing.

Jongin didn't step back.

“You're new.” It wasn't a question, but Jongin answered anyway.

“It's my first month.”

The man broke the eye contact, looking ashamed all of a sudden. “I- I'm sorry for all the noise and the trouble. I just—”

“Don't!”

Jongin was just as surprised at himself as the man seemed to be. He looked at Jongin again, eyes widening even more as if that was even possible.

“Don't apologize.”

He didn't know what kind of response he was expecting to get to that, but he didn't get one at all. The man only stared at him, his cut lip trembling slightly. So Jongin raised his joint in silent question. The man looked at it, a small smile forming on his face. Jongin was surprised at the sudden change of mood. But it seemed to spread to him as well.

“Thanks.”

Jongin lit it with no difficulty—which was confusing with the way his hands had been shaking just a minute before—and took two consecutive drags before passing it to the man, who grabbed it tentatively, as if he wasn't sure of the capability of his own fingers. Jongin watched heart shaped lips close around the filter and the tip light up red. He waited until it was passed back to speak again.

“I'm Jongin.”

The man smiled. The bruises on his face made it look sadder than it should have seemed. “Kyungsoo.”

“Kyungsoo,” Jongin repeated, letting the sounds roll out of his mouth before putting the joint to his lips, only to realize that it had gone out. He clicked his tongue in annoyance at having to relight it.

When he finally did, he wasn't careful, inhaling too much too fast and choking on smoke as it burnt its way down his lungs. The taste was acrid in mouth as he coughed. When he finally recovered he noticed Kyungsoo looking at him, amused. He pouted and passed both the joint and the lighter over.

Kyungsoo lit it expertly, his elbows resting on the railing and his brows furrowing as he directed the light to the tip. Jongin was so confused. They passed the joint between them quietly. It hit Jongin after half of it was gone. A little faster and harder than he expected. It had been a while.

“You look young,” Kyungsoo said to him.

Jongin blushed at the unexpected comment. “I'll be 20 in a few months.”

“Hmm… young.”

“Well you aren't- you don't look that old.” He mentally cursed himself for tripping over his words. His mind wasn't fuzzy but he could feel the high in the rest of his body, making him tingly from his ears to his toes. He didn't remember it being like that before.

“I'm not.”

“But you just said—”

“I said you looked young. Never said I looked old.” Kyungsoo watched the look on his face and laughed loudly.

Jongin blinked. He was _sooo_ confused. Not ten minutes ago this man had been crying on the dirty floor of his balcony.  The only evidence of the laugh being even somewhat forced seemed to be his glistening eyes. His eyes looked ready to spill as his face scrunched up in laughter.

Then Jongin remembered something. His eyes went to the glass door of Kyungsoo’s balcony. It was too dark to see anything. Kyungsoo followed his eyes and then looked back to his face.

“No one's home,” he said quietly. Jongin froze at his words. That meant he could have very easily ran into whoever had done this to Kyungsoo in all that time he had been standing in the hallway talking to Sehun. They must have left pretty much right after he'd gone back inside.

Jongin didn't want to think about what could have happened if he had been caught reaching for the door knob. Nothing good could have come out of that.

“You seem worried.”

He met Kyungsoo’s curious expression with conviction.

“Why wouldn't I be? This is all so…” he didn't know what to say. Regarding the man in front of him, he didn't know what someone could possibly gain from hurting him. His soft features were easily decipherable even with bruises and the swelling. There was no denying that he was attractive. But then again that didn't really matter in situations like this. Jongin remembered the way he had laughed earlier and for some reason, in his memory, Kyungsoo seemed to be glowing.

“I don't know what you're thinking right now. You have no reason to believe me on this but, really, I'm fine. Everything is okay the way it is.”

Maybe it was the high, or he just thought Kyungsoo’s words were beyond ridiculous because before he knew it, he was grabbing the man's hand tightly in his own. They were soft and cold. “How can you say that? There is nothing ‘fine’ or ‘okay’ about any of this. I mean, have you seen your face?”

Kyungsoo didn't seem to hear what Jongin was saying. He was staring down at where Jongin's fingers were wrapped around his wrist. Jongin retracted his fingers quickly and mumbled an apology.

He finished off the joint, knowing he couldn't smoke further once taking a drag burnt his lips. He flicked the remaining filter into the corner of his balcony and regarded Kyungsoo curiously as the world slowed around him.

“Is there anything I can do?” He asked. His voice was timid. He didn't want to push the smaller man in any way.

“No.”

“I could call the police or something. I-I don't know.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “He was— or is—”

He frowned a little, as if he couldn't think of what words to use.

“He's... connected. Especially with the police.”

“There must be something—”

Kyungsoo shook his head again. Jongin couldn't decipher him. He didn't understand at all. He was aggravated, and annoyed, and confused and he just wanted to understand. There had to be a way for this to stop. It couldn't be that Kyungsoo had zero options. Everyone had options. He couldn't even understand what had persuaded him to even reach out to the man in the first place and end up smoking a joint with him.

“You should go.”

“Huh?”

“Go inside. Go to sleep. He's not coming back tonight, so you should sleep fine.” With that he stepped away from the railing and slunk back to where he had been when he first came out. It was clear that he didn't want to talk anymore, so Jongin couldn’t even ask him how he knew about his sleep troubles. The sounds of the street below started up again, as if unmuted, but Kyungsoo’s his sobs sounded out clearly through the night.

Jongin wanted to call him back so badly. Apologize for pushing the subject. This couldn't be easy for him in any way. But eventually he couldn't stand the sound of the crying anymore. He fumbled with the door but managed to slide it open and step through it. After closing it he stumbled to his bed, more falling on it rather than managing to lie down.

More so than sadness or fear, it was confusion that kept him awake for the next few hours. His mind wasn't working right. Or maybe the situation was really just that messed up.

\----

Jongin woke up to his phone blaring a familiar tune. He rolled over and grabbed it, turning the alarm off, before rolling back to his side curling up again, ready to go right back to sleep. The morning was as quiet as it could be in a crowded city.

The events of the night before slowly creeped into his conscious thoughts and he groaned. They didn't make any more sense to him now that he was sober.

Kyungsoo. That name rang clear in his mind. Maybe he should go over and see if he needed anything and to apologize for being so nosy and pushy. He couldn't help but feel that if he hadn't been, then maybe the man wouldn't have returned to crying after having seemed to be in a better mood.

Jongin had never felt so wrong, never experienced such turmoil. He wasn't the wisest person around, but he could usually tell what he needed to do to resolve something. But now, he had no clue. If he called the police, it might just become worse. If he did anything confrontational, he doubted it would do anything except make Kyungsoo upset.

A lingering thought at the back of his mind was telling him he had to remember to do something.

Sehun!

Jongin had completely forgotten to text him the time and address. Reached for his phone again and did that immediately.

The reply came fairly quickly.

_Took you long enough._

He wondered how it would go. They'd discuss the music, of course. That was the whole point of setting up the meeting. They might get lunch, or a late breakfast, considering it was still quite early and he had told Sehun to come at any time. If he came early, brunch was pretty platonic, right? And then maybe they'd go to the studio down the street. He'd joined it originally to have an extra place to practice when the time slots for the practice rooms on campus were full, which they usually were. They'd work up a sweat and it would be completely as friends… maybe.

Jongin really had no clue what Sehun thought of him. His mind wandered to his breakdown the previous evening and he turned crimson. Even though no one could see him right now, he covered his face with his hands as if it would lessen the embarrassment. It didn't, even though he was alone.

Not that it even mattered. Sehun was his friend. Had been for a year now. But ever since they'd been apart for the summer, both having gone to stay with their families before returning for their second year, he knew he had been acting like it was their first year again and they were still getting to know each other—and Sehun was noticing that, because it really did make Jongin sound like he didn't want to talk, or was distracted.

Jongin had been so confused when Sehun had thought that he wouldn't want to be partners. They hadn't been partners before, because despite being in the same dance major, their classes had been at different times the past year so they had only been able to work together for one group assignment but that had included thirteen other people from all the different classes. Despite that, they had talked about working together again several times since then, even thinking about auditioning together for local competitions and such.

The summer had changed so many things but Jongin didn't know what or why. It wasn't bad, but it created a little bit of awkwardness that he wasn't sure if he was the only one who could feel it or if Sehun could feel it too, but was just better at ignoring it. He was probably just overreacting.

He was confused about a lot of things lately.

Half an hour later—fortunately enough time for Jongin to haul his ass out of bed to shower and get dressed—Sehun knocked on his door and though he had been walking right by the door when he heard the sound, Jongin still waited a few seconds before answering (just so Sehun wouldn't think he'd been standing there waiting or something).

Sehun smiled brightly at Jongin as he was let in. Jongin didn't know why he could have ever thought something might be wrong between them at the sight of it. He couldn't help but smile back just as brightly.

The music took less than an hour to finalize. They had already had a short list of songs they wanted and they knew which parts they wanted most. Chanyeol had already agreed to help them create a remix medley of sorts and they could still work on the routine in the meantime.

Afterwards, they didn't feel like going out for lunch or even down to the dance studio, so they opted to order in and take the chance to catch up. Saturday had warmed up significantly, reminding the city that it wasn't yet autumn and the sun blazed down harshly, which destroyed all motivation to do anything.

They hadn't sat down together like this since before the summer and never off campus. They were already both so busy in just the second week of the semester and during the day they could mostly only talk about assignments. So now, they talked about home, and their families, the classes that they didn't share. Sehun didn't live on campus either, instead he'd chosen to rent out his uncle's basement.

“It was a lot easier last year,” he told Jongin. “My uncle pretty much stayed out of my way, let me do my own thing. Not that I was doing much in the first place. But he got married over the summer and now just two weeks in and his new wife has got him convinced I'm always up to something.”

“Why would she do that?”

“I honestly don't know, but I can't stay there anymore. I don't know if I'll survive.”

Jongin nodded in understanding. “Well if you're looking to move out, I know this building has empty apartments, and rent is pretty cheap for the smaller ones. I could give you my landlord’s number.”

Sehun pressed his lips together into a thin line. “That's not a bad idea. But I think I'm gonna ask my mom to talk some sense into my uncle first. Maybe talk to him myself. We were pretty close before this so there's really no reason he shouldn't listen to me, right?”

“Right.” That seemed to be the assurance Sehun needed because he blinded Jongin with a smile again.

“What about you? You seemed pretty shaken up yesterday.”

“Oh, um, I'm fine. I guess.”

“Are you sure? Did you ever figure out what happened?”

“Yeah, sort of. I met one of them afterwards.”

Sehun's eyes were wide with surprise. “Really?”

Jongin buried his face in his hands. “I felt so bad. He said he was okay, but… he really wasn't. He couldn't have been with the way he looked.”

Jongin felt a hand on his shoulder and he raised his head to find Sehun's worried face inches from his own. “Do you have any idea how great you are for worrying about your neighbour like that?”

A blush crept onto Jongin's face at the comment, and he looked down to his feet.

“I mean you're a complete stranger to him, right? So many people ignore this kind of thing even with people they know.”

“I just don't know what I can do to help. He asked me not to contact the police because apparently the other guy’s got too many connections there. And I'm like the _least_ confrontational person I know so… I…”

Jongin looked up. Sehun's face was still so close and his hand was still squeezing Jongin’s shoulder. He lost his train of thought.

“Don't worry,” Sehun said, “you’ll figure something out. And I'll help you with anything you need. Have you talked to your landlord?”

“No, he's not usually here most of Saturday I think. So I'll talk to him in the evening.”

Sehun placed one last pat on his shoulder before moving away. “I should leave. I have an essay draft due tomorrow night that I haven't even started yet.”

“Oh,” Jongin said, slightly disappointed as Sehun stood and started clearing up the trash from the pizza they had ordered. Jongin got up as well and did the same. It took them next to no time to have everything put away. Jongin thought it was sweet of Sehun to help.

He opened the door for Sehun as the other was finishing putting on his shoes, but Sehun didn't just walk past him as Jongin expected him to. Instead, Jongin was pulled into a firm hug.

They had hugged before, of course. Jongin couldn't imagine being friends with someone for an entire year and never having hugged them. But most of those hugs had been been brief, or friendly side hugs, or those half handshake half chest bump type hugs that Jongin preferred to do with people he didn't know too well. But this wasn't like those hugs.

This hug assured that Sehun understood Jongin, and that he was grateful to Jongin for understanding him. It told him that no matter how grave or how minor their problems were, they were grateful for each other. And it was long enough for Jongin to be tempted to bury his nose into Sehun's neck, but instead he turned his head the other way and pressed his cheek to Sehun's shoulder. He could feel Sehun's chin rest on his own shoulder, his hands placed on Jongin's back, causing Jongin to put his arms around Sehun as well.

They part after a few seconds. Jongin takes note of how Sehun's hands slip off him, and even though the way they slide down his back and off his waist makes him shiver, he knows how platonic it is. But he doesn't care, he revels in the intimacy they share, even as friends. He won't let his feelings ruin that for him. Whether or not Sehun does or could ever reciprocate those feelings doesn't even bother him at that moment because he's glad for what he already has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment to let me know what you think!


	4. Thunder

Planning what to say to his landlord, a man named Yixing, wasn't easy.

He really wanted to help Kyungsoo out in some way, but had no clue how, and he felt maybe Yixing would know how to deal with something like this. He must come across it often, considering this kind of violence isn't exactly uncommon.

So Jongin sheepishly knocked on Yixing's office door and politely waited for the soft ‘come in’. When he entered, he wasn't too surprised to see Yixing looking like he'd just woken up.

“Hey! What can I help you with?”

Jongin was really glad Yixing seemed to be in a good mood because he wasn't sure he was in the mind set to be talking to anyone about something like this if they seemed like talking to him would be the last thing they'd rather be doing.

“Um, it's kind of a sensitive topic.”

“Oh, well I'm here for anything you need.”

“My neighbours… um, I think there might be something _wrong_ going on.”

Yixing frowned. “You're in 410 right?”

Jongin nodded.

“Let's see… neighbours, neighbours…” Yixing seemed to be scanning a list. “Oh… well, uh… sorry, you think there's something wrong?”

“Well, from what I've been hearing. You know, the walls aren't the thickest and I'm just a little worried. I don't exactly support this… kind of _thing_. Do you know what I'm referring to?” Jongin hoped he did. Saying it out loud would make it too real for him.

Yixing looked down at the list again. He seemed very uncomfortable. “Yes, I do. But, Jongin, do you really think this is your business?”

“It's not but, this is more about what's right and wrong, isn't it?”

Yixing sighed, suddenly looking very frustrated. Jongin felt bad that he had ruined the man's perky mood from earlier. But he felt he had to at least attempt to help Kyungsoo.

“I'll, uh, see what I can— I mean I'll talk to—” Yixing hung his head slightly and shook it. “I'll do something, I guess. Just don’t expect much.”

Jongin was a little confused at the response but nevertheless nodded and politely bid goodbye to Yixing.

He had work this evening. Today, Yifan wasn't in. Saturday evenings usually just had him, Yifan and a high school student, Tao—apparently Yifan's nephew or something—working, as they weren't too busy, with mostly regulars and a little bit of foot traffic. But today, the one day that Yifan had decided to be sick but not close up shop, seemed to be the busiest Saturday evening they had ever had. A thunderstorm seemed to be on the verge of breaking out and people were escaping the rain that had already started.

The icing on top of the cake was that, with Yifan being gone, no one in the morning and afternoon shifts had followed proper equipment cleaning instructions and everything was way messier than it should have been. On top of that they hadn't restocked anything on front nor had they put in any trays in the oven for fresh baked items for the evening. But if they didn't have everything spotless and restocked for when Yifan arrived in the morning, of course, he and Tao would be blamed, having been the ones closing that night.

Tao had told him to do front, claiming that because he was ‘such a cutie’ people would be nice to him, while Tao himself went in the back to do the baking and sandwiches.

"You're younger than me, shouldn't you be the cute one?"

"No Jongin," Tao had scoffed at him. "I'm  _sexy_. People find that intimidating."

Jongin hated doing front, because it meant having to pretend he was confident,  having an unnatural smile stretched across his face at all times, and worst of all, dealing with rude people, who acted like they were obligated to something just because they were paying customers. Jongin had a thing or two he'd like to say to them.

After closing time, he and Tao spent and extra hour scrubbing everything spotless so they wouldn't be blamed for the day shifts mistakes. The rain outside only seemed to get worse.

When they left, Tao called a cab, since he lived further away, waving goodbye as he got in. Jongin made a run for it. He was soaked to his bones by the time he made it inside, shivering almost violently, regretting not bringing a rain jacket, even though he had known about the storm. At least he was indoors now, and didn't plan to leave until morning when the storm had already wreaked all its havoc.

He towel dried himself and changed into warm sweats and a hoodie before curling up in bed. Things were quiet next door. Or maybe it seemed that way because of the steady noise from outside.

\----

He was woken up by a loud sound. Startled, he shot up in bed. With the rumbling outside he quickly realized it must have been thunder. He shook his head out of the daze he was in when another loud boom of thunder shook everything around him. Suddenly he couldn't breath. He didn't know was wrong with him but he just couldn't catch a breath. He'd never been afraid of thunder before but he was very _very afraid_ right then. Just when he thought he was going to run out of oxygen, it came back to him, as if all he had to to was remember to take a breath—disregarding the fact that he had been gasping for breaths just a second before.

He jumped out of bed and almost fell over, his legs feeling shaky and his head woozy. Ten minutes and glass of water later he felt as good as new, but the feeling of fear lingered slightly in his thoughts. He used to have panic attacks when he was younger but this wasn't like any panic attack he had ever had before, but he boiled it down to him being tired. What else could it be?

Getting back into bed, he pushed his earphones in and tried to drown out the sounds of the storm. It helped—soon he was being lulled back to sleep by soft familiar sounds, the thunder only muffled in the background.

\----

It was a little busier for a Sunday, which Jongin was fairly happy about, because the work kept him distracted. His mind didn't have the chance to wander to Sehun or to Kyungsoo or his studies or really anything. The only thing he wasn't too happy about was that he was on front again.

Yifan, however had been really happy that Tao and Jongin had cleaned up so well the night before that he gave them both an extra break that afternoon, and they were both happy to be able to stretch their legs and rest their feet for an extra fifteen minutes.

An hour before his shift ended—when it had slowed down considerably and he was the only one up front on coffees—a familiar face entered the shop. Jongin was a little taken aback, not knowing whether the person recognized him as well—Jongin had never really talked to him but he had sat fairly near the front in his first year class. He greeted Professor Kim, however, as he would any customer.

“What can I get for you?”

His professor relayed a fairly large order for coffees, reading off from his phone. He frowned slightly every time he came across a particularly strange one.

“Anything else?”

“Yeah, another large. Black.”

Jongin finished entering the order onto the monitor and after payment, he got to making the coffees, Yifan came out from the back to help out, as he usually did during big orders or if people were lining up. Professor Kim watched from over the counter.

“I can't believe some of the crazy stuff people drink,” he said, eyeing Jongin putting a flavour shot in one of the cups. Jongin looked up at him but it was Yifan that responded.

“Oh these are pretty common. In my opinion, coffee should be taken black.”

Professor Kim smiled at him. “I agree wholeheartedly.”

Once the coffee was made and Yifan had disappeared, Jongin was arranging the coffees in large cardboard take away trays.

“You were in my class last year,” Professor Kim said. Jongin paused and looked up at being addressed.

“Uh, yes. I was.”

“I remember you. Jongin, right?” Jongin nodded, continuing to put the coffees in the tray. “Your TA showed me your final paper. She was really impressed by it, so was I.”

Jongin blinked in surprise. “Really?”

Professor Kim laughed. “Yes, really. Wouldn't have said it otherwise.”

Jongin couldn't reply. He didn't really talk to his professors, mostly because he knew that the TA’s were the ones grading everything.

“You should come by the department office one day. There are plenty of opportunities for people with opinions as strong as yours. That is, if you chose criminology as your major.”

Jongin nodded enthusiastically. He knew that Professor Kim was the head of the criminology department. That was why he conducted the first year course and some of the fourth year courses but none in the middle years. He couldn't believe that he'd just been offered an opportunity like this.

“Great. Hope to see you there then.” Professor Kim gave him a polite smile before grabbing the coffees and leaving. Jongin was left standing in awe and confusion. He jumped out of his reverie when Yifan yelled that there was a customer up front.

He went to help them and was met with two more familiar faces.

“Jonginnie~”

Jongin wanted to melt into the floor. He'd done everything in his power to make sure that Chanyeol and Baekhyun would never find out where he worked, but there they were.

There was no reason for Jongin to even be embarrassed, there was no one around that would care, but he knew he was turning red.

“I can't believe you hid this cute little place from us for so long,” Baekhyun said, pouting.

“When are you done?” Chanyeol asked.

“Yeah, we're bored. We wanna hang out.”

Jongin sighed. “Are you going to order or…?”

“Nah we just wanted to see you.”

“Order or leave.”

Baekhyun pouted again and Chanyeol grinned.

“Gimme a muffin, blueberry,” Chanyeol said.

“Order more than that or leave.”

“Do you think I’m made out of money?!” Chanyeol asked him, only half joking. Then he repeated his earlier question. “When are you done?”

“Half an hour or so.” Jongin got his muffin and Chanyeol paid.

“We’ll wait here.”

Jongin finished up his shift, only slightly conscious of the two boys giggling in the corner of the cafe. He came out after changing out of his work uniform, approaching them and sitting down.

“How'd you find me?”

“It was just by chance to be honest,” Chanyeol said.

“Yeah, Jongin fate doesn't want us to be apart.” Baekhyun teased.

“We were planning on knocking on every door in your building until you answered since you won't tell us your exact address either. But then we saw you through the window before crossing the street.”

Jongin groaned, digging the heels of his palm into his cheeks and resting his elbows on the table.

“You'll get me kicked out, that's why.”

His mind flew to the time that Chanyeol and Baekhyun, who both lived off campus, forced him to let them host a party in his dorm and his roommates had a fit and the RA had almost gotten fired because of how many people had ended up in the hospital from alcohol poisoning and fights. The amount of drugs that people had brought and stashed away hadn't helped either. They both had owned up to it however, and been put on probation for the rest of the year. He had to promise to never let them come in again in order to be allowed to stay. Which was another reason he hadn't bothered trying to reapply for a dorm room, he probably wouldn't have gotten it because of that particular incident anyways.

As for not telling them where he worked, well, Yifan had just made a comment about them loitering without paying for much before he clocked out. He loved them, but he'd rather keep them in the dark about a few things if it meant keeping a job and roof over his head.

“Don't worry,” Baekhyun said. “We’re all grown up this year. Responsible adults.”

Jongin laughed at the determined look on Baekhyun's face. It was almost six in the evening and neither of them had any plans per say, so they head to the nearest convenience store and picked up snacks and coolers—like the amateurs they were—receiving some suspicious looks from the cashier, but no questions. The evening didn't have much of an exciting feeling, it was more chill than anything else.

On their way back to Jongin's apartment Jongin got a phone call. He passed the plastic bags he was holding to Chanyeol so he could dig his phone out of his pocket. He tried not to smile at the caller ID.

“What's up?”

“Jongin…” Sehun replied softly from the other end. “Where are you?”

“On my way to my flat, why?”

“Come quick, Jongin.” Sehun was almost whining.

“Sehun… are you outside my apartment?”

Chanyeol and Baekhyun shared a look.

“I can't get up.”

“Are you drunk?”

Sehun snorted. “Not nearly enough. Just… tired.”

Jongin heard his friends laughing as they walked behind him.

“I'm almost there,” he said, hanging up and shoving his phone back into his pocket.

Jongin snatched his bags from Chanyeol as the tall boy and his shorter counterpart giggled obnoxiously.

“I expected you to hook up, not for you to become his babysitter,” Baekhyun commented.

“I'm _not_ his babysitter and I'm _not_ hooking up with him.”

“Not yet you mean.”

Jongin shot an annoyed glare over his shoulder. As much as he liked his friends, they took too much liberty when teasing him. “What is with you and assuming that everyone is gay until proven straight. Or rather, gay even when proven straight.”

“It worked when I met you, didn't it?” Baekhyun said, poking the side of his torso. “Besides, what's with you and assuming everyone is straight even when proven gay.”

“Nothing's been proven.” He caught Chanyeol rolling his eyes and wondered if he'd missed something that they hadn't. Why wouldn't they just tell him?

They were in the elevator now and Jongin was a little nervous, not knowing what Sehun's state would be when he found him. He didn't seem messed up when they'd talked but he had said that he wasn't able to get up.

The elevator doors slid open and they rounded the corner to get to Jongin's apartment. The laughing started again when the three of them took in Sehun, sitting on the floor his head against the wall, seemingly asleep—if the light snores were anything to go by—with his bag and a six pack sitting next to him.

Jongin bent down and nudged his shoulder gently, waking him with a start.

“What took you so long?” He said with a grunt, rubbing his eyes like a child.

“It's only been five minutes,” Chanyeol said quietly to Baekhyun. That's when Sehun noticed them standing behind Jongin. He pushed himself off the floor, swaying slightly before catching Jongin's door frame to steady himself.

“Sorry, didn't realize you were busy.”

“I'm not busy,” Jongin replied, a little too fast.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun's laughter started up again. “It seems we’re not wanted, Baek.”

“We’ll let you two… do whatever it is you two do when you two are alone.”

Jongin was sure he was blushing. But Sehun didn't look fazed.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol left them in the hallway, their laughter being cut off by the closing of the elevator doors.

“Is it—” Sehun started, before bending down to pick up his bag and the beer. “Is it okay that I'm here?”

“Of course.”

Jongin unlocked his door and Sehun followed him inside.

“Can I ask why you're like this before seven pm.”

“Um, kind of had an argument with my uncle. So I downed some of his wife’s booze before leaving the house. Or, you know, those wine cocktails? Like half of one those party size bottles. They taste so good.”

“Shit, Sehun.”

Sehun looked at him amused. “You don't usually swear.”

“That's a lot of alcohol to take all at once.”

“Oh Jongin, you must be lightweight, but it's not fair for you to underestimate me like this.”

Jongin frowned.

“Besides, I had just eaten. And it was a while ago. I'm good now. Ready for another round.” He raised the six pack up with a hopeful look on his face. Then he nodded his chin towards Jongin's purchases. “Seems like you were planning on it anyways.”

“Only if you drink at least two glasses of water first.”

Sehun grinned. “Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down next chapter.
> 
> Two more characters introduced and something some of you may love and some of you may hate :D


	5. Tender (Love)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update because next chapter may take a while.

They were both startled by a loud knocking on Jongin's door. Jongin almost dropped the glass of water he'd just poured. Sehun laughed at his clumsiness. He tried to stop himself from blushing as he set it down and made his way to the door. Had the other two come back having decided to join him and Sehun after all? Jongin doubted it, they were the type to try and barge in even if a door was possibly locked. Not to mention that he would probably have heard their loud voices the second they got off the elevator.

As he approached he could, however, hear soft voices.

Definitely not them then.

“This is completely unnecessary,” one said.

“Don't worry I won't do anything stupid.”

“Why do I not believe you?”

He swung the door open, but before he could see who it was, he saw a blur of skin and something collided directly with his nose. He staggered back clutching his face with both hands, tears forming in his eyes and the taste of metal invading his mouth. He gulped in a deep breath, not from his nose, he was too scared to do that. His vision was unfocused but he could see two figures in his doorway.

“What the hell, Jongdae? You promised nothing stupid!”

“Oops.”

Jongin felt hands on his shoulders.

“Are you okay?” Sehun asked, sounding slightly frantic.

Jongin's vision was slowly beginning to return to normal. He nodded to let Sehun know he was fine, but regretted the decision immediately, as he began feeling dizzy. Suddenly, the ground was no longer under his feet, but a strong arm stopped him from hitting the floor too hard.

He reached out and caught onto Sehun's shirt as he tried to stop everything from spinning, one hand still on his face. Sehun pulled that away too.

“It's not bleeding too much,” he said quietly. He guided Jongin's hand back to his nose. “Pinch it.”

“It hurts,” Jongin whined. He didn't want to imagine what he looked right now. He was ninety percent sure he was crying too.

“It'll help.” Jongin did as he was told and pinched his nose. He felt Sehun's shirt slip from his grasp and he slowly looked up, praying his head wouldn't start spinning again. Sehun stood in front of him, facing the two people at the door.

“Can I ask what the _hell_ you did that for?” Jongin had never heard Sehun sound so angry.

“Ask _him,_ ” was the reply. He assumed it was the man that hit him that responded.

“I asked you,” Sehun said. He sounded so calm even with the anger—considering he wasn’t _completely_ sober—but the threat underlying his tone was anything but masked.

“I apologize for him, I really didn't think he would do that, but, we received some, uh, upsetting news earlier. A complaint was put in against us and we just wanted to _inquire_ about it in a _civil manner_. Sorry for it having gotten so out of hand before we even had a chance to explain ourselves.” It was the other man who spoke.

“I'm not sorry.”

“Y-you think I put in a c-complaint against you?” Jongin asked as he attempted to get up with the support of only one hand, as he was still pinching his nose with the other. Sehun turned around to help him and let Jongin lean against him as he swayed dangerously on his own two feet.

Jongin immediately recognized the two men in his doorway. He'd met them briefly, several times, coming and going on the elevator or waiting for it. They lived on his floor.

“Well considering your apartment is the only one ours shares walls with, and you had plenty to say to Yixing about the _noise_ we make and our lifestyle and how it's so _wrong_ I don't see how it could have been anyone else.” The one who hit him, Jongdae, crossed his arms as he spoke, a scowl seemingly permanent on his face.

“What?” Sehun glanced at Jongin. “ _These_ are the neighbours that—”

“No! No, of course not.”

“Listen, there's no point in hiding your homophobia. But if you have a problem with me and my boyfriend and what our mind blowing sex life sounds like then you can move!”

“Shut up, Jongdae!” The other man tried to pull Jongdae out of the doorframe.

Sehun's eyebrows raised. “Jongin, you—”

He stopped and averted his gaze.

“No it’s nothing like that at all!” Jongin insisted. His head ached so much. He hoped he could formulate coherent enough sentences to clear up this misunderstanding. “The complaint wasn't about you! It wasn't even a complaint at all. I just— I went to talk to Yixing about the people living on the other side.”

Jongdae scoffed. “The other side? As if that's a viable excuse.”

“I swear! I didn't want to intrude but,” Jongin hung his head, “I was just worried. I don't like letting people get hurt and I thought something… like that was happening. I just wanted to inform Yixing because I didn't know what to do about it myself. This is all a misunderstanding. Please believe me.”

Jongin was sure he looked pathetic right now. But he hoped that was enough to have the two men believe him. He didn’t feel comfortable saying the details of Kyungsoo’s situation out loud, however, which is exactly how he got into this misunderstanding in the first place, by not being able to explain it well enough to Yixing. He raised his head again to see that everyone, even Sehun was staring at him. He was sure his whole face was as red as the blood dripping from his nose under so many gazes at once.

Jongdae just looked confused. He kept muttering the words ‘the other side’ as if he couldn't comprehend that other neighbours could make noise. It was clear his anger had blinded his judgement, but he didn't exactly look remorseful, just confused.

The other man took a few apprehensive steps forward and took Jongin's face in his hands, a look of focus taking over his features. “Don't worry, I'm a doctor. Well, sort of.”

Over the next fifteen minutes or so, Minseok, as Jongin found his name out to be, tended to Jongin's face. The first thing he had done was pull Jongin's fingers off his nose, replacing them with his own. “You're lucky Jongdae doesn't have much of a right hook. Nothing's broken or out of place, but you're gonna look like hell for the next couple of weeks.”

Then he guided Jongin to his kitchen sink, instructing Jongdae to fetch a tube of something Jongin didn’t catch the name of, from their apartment. Jongdae was still frowning as he left. Sehun was also frowning. But he didn't say anything as he watched Minseok clean up Jongin's face gently with water and a paper towel. Minseok asked him a few questions. Was he feeling dizzy? Not anymore. Was he nauseous? No. Was his head hurting? More than he thought bearable.

Jongdae returned with a tube, what looked like q-tips and something in a plastic packaging. Minseok applied some of the substance from the tube to a q-tip before shoving it gently up Jongin's nose and wiggling it about a bit. He did the same with the other nostril, not giving Jongin the chance to move away because he had Jongin's chin in a firm grip.

Jongin was sure this was simultaneously the most embarrassing, painful, and awkward moment of his life.

Mostly he really wanted to know what Sehun was thinking. He hadn't said anything in a while and Jongin couldn't read his face nor would the other boy make eye contact with him, choosing to focus on Minseok's hands.

After Minseok was done, Jongdae stepped up to him, holding out the plastic package. He reached for it tentatively, and quickly realized it was a cold pack.

“Sorry for punching you in the face,” he said rather quietly. “I act on impulse sometimes. And it can be a bit of a sensitive topic.”

“It's my fault,” Jongin said. “I should have been clearer with Yixing. I'm just not that great with my words.”

“Yeah, I can tell. So you say you're hearing horrible things happening from the apartment on your right?”

Minseok grabbed Jongdae’s arm. “ _That_ is none of our business.”

“But—”

“We’re going to go. You should probably rest anyways.” He started dragging Jongdae towards the door. “Regular over the counter pain medication should work just fine. And again, we're both really sorry.”

They shut the door, not so quietly on their way out, leaving Jongin and Sehun in indecipherable silence. He didn't know whether to be uncomfortable or not.

Until Sehun spoke. “That was _really_ weird.”

Jongin looked at him.

“How are you feeling?”

Jongin scrunched his face up. He wasn't sure _how_ he was feeling. Confused was definitely one emotion. Hurt. Sad. Even a little angry.

Sehun shook his head at him. “You're overthinking. Of course you have conflicted emotions right now, but I meant physically. You sure you don't want to go to the hospital or something.”

“No, I'm fine.”

“Okay.” Then Sehun held out his hand towards Jongin. He looked down at it and frowned. Sehun sighed loudly before plucking the cold pack out of Jongin's hand and looking at the packaging. Then he grabbed it by the ends in both hands and twisted it till there was a faint tearing sound. He grabbed Jongin by the wrist and pulled him to the chairs in the main part of the living room and sat him down before sitting down himself. He shook the cold pack around a bit and went to reach for Jongin's face but stopped himself.

Jongin was sure Sehun was about to apply the cold pack himself but then Sehun just held it out to him. He hoped the disappointment wasn't too evident on his face as he grabbed the cold pack and pressed it gently to his nose. Sehun watched him, frowning again.

“It's barely touching you.”

“It's touching just fine.”

“Your face already looks like a balloon,” Sehun said, snatching the pack back. “Do you want it to get worse?”

Jongin shook his head and let Sehun hold his chin with one hand as he applied the pack to one side of his nose. The pressure hurt a little but Sehun was right, the swelling would never go down otherwise. After he deemed that side sufficiently numb he moved the pack over to the middle of his nose, then to the other side, repeating the process over and over. The whole time, Jongin stared at Sehun, not able to stop his eyes from drinking in the other boys features at such close proximity. Sehun didn't look up at him even once.

The only time they'd talk was when Sehun asked him if it was better or when Jongin let out a hiss of pain at too much pressure and Sehun mumbled an apology. The cold pack was barely cold when Sehun finally pulled away, dropping the pack on the table and stretching out his arms, no doubt tired from the position they'd been in for so long.

“Thank you Sehun. I don't know if I could have managed that on my own.”

“I didn't really do anything.”

“You were there. It could have gone in any direction and just having you here was a comfort.”

“It's not a problem. I'm glad I was here too. I don't know how worried I would have been if you showed up to class looking like this and not being in the know of the situation.” 

“Really?”

“Uh, yeah.”

Jongin smiled at that.

“So… I hate to say this, but for a second there I was really scared.” Jongin's eyebrows knitted in confusion. “I mean, don't get me wrong, I could have totally snapped that Jongdae guy like a twig. But I was scared that what that guy was saying was true. That you'd, you know, complained about them because…”

“I'm not homophobic.”

Sehun let out a sigh. “Good, good. That's, uh, _good_ , I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Actually it's great. Like, _really_ great.”

“Um, I guess it is…?”

“Because then I can do this,” he leaned forward and pecked Jongin's lips lightly, “and you won't like, murder me or anything.”

Jongin's mouth fell open and he was sure his eyes were wide and confused. _That did not just happen._

He reached up to touch his lips and licked them unconsciously. A pained expression crossed Sehun's face.

“Don't do that. I'll just want to kiss you again and I already know I shouldn't have done it the first time.”

Jongin hesitated only slightly before he grazed his tongue over his lips again. It was a clear invitation, and he wasn't sure Sehun understood that because nothing happened right away. But then Sehun put a hand on Jongin's cheek this time before leaning in to mold their lips together properly this time. Jongin was amazed at how easily he was able to push all of his problems and the pain out of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are greatly appreciated and very motivating!
> 
> I love reading what people think of my writing and what all of your predictions might be about anything in the story (about Kyungsoo or the future of SeKai or what role the others will play in the future etc.)
> 
> I think the only one not yet mentioned is Luhan so where do you think he fits into in all of this?
> 
> Even if you don't have any comments about the story tell me about yourself, your hopes and dreams, what you ate for dinner, or anything you want to get off your chest. Honestly I just want to interact with all of you more.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed :D


	6. Satisfied Now

Morning brought no hesitation. They were close, legs tangled, Jongin's bruised nose prodding Sehun's throat and the others face buried in Jongin's hair. But there was no comfort in waking up. His face was sore, headache pounding like a hammer and the pain traveling down his back. Sehun wasn't awake yet.

Jongin pulled away, reaching out his arm behind him to try and locate his phone, which he had hopefully remembered to leave charging next to his pillow. He had. The time startled him. They only had an hour to get to class.

He faltered a bit before shaking Sehun's shoulder. The other boy only flipped onto his back, sniffed a bit, and continued to sleep.

“Sehun,” Jongin croaked. Embarrassed at the sound of his own sleep blanketed voice he got up quickly and went to drink a glass of water, taking some advil with it. When he came back, Sehun's eyes were open and he was squinting at his own bright phone screen.

“This time can't be right.”

“It is.” Jongin set down a second glass of water and a second pill for Sehun. He wasn't sure how the other would be feeling, considering they had ended up drinking the coolers, not the beer. “We should probably get going.”

He watched Sehun pick up the glass and pill before digging into his closet. He pulled out a sweater and some sweatpants for himself and for Sehun too, tossing the second set of clothes at the boy still sipping the water.

Sehun frowned. “What's wrong with what I'm already wearing?”

Jongin scrunched his nose, regretting the facial habit as sharp pain shot through between his eyes. “You kinda stink.”

He entered the bathroom immediately after the comment, not wanting to look at Sehun anymore than necessary until he knew what the night before had meant. He knew what kisses meant. He knew what kisses like  _that_  meant. Sehun wasn't even intoxicated at that point, and Jongin couldn't have looked all that great if what he looked like in the mirror right now was anything to go by. The bruise, starting right in the middle of his face, branched out onto his cheeks and around his eyes his eyes before fading out. It was several different shades of black and blue, messy like the canvas of a finger painting child.

He washed his face and brushed his teeth quickly, wanting to look at himself even less than he wanted to face Sehun. Getting ready took no time at all and he opened the door to see Sehun lacing up his shoes.

Sehun looked up and smiled. Jongin smiled back.

“I really want to kiss you again,” Sehun said quietly.

“Right now?” Jongin asked.

“But my breath probably smells worse than yesterday's clothes right now.”

Jongin sat down next to him to pull on his own shoes. “Probably. I can wait, though.”

“Okay, cool, but personally, I don't think I can.”

Jongin laughed and took Sehun's face in his hands. Dragging his lips along Sehun's jaw at first, he came to stop at his chin and pressed a small kiss there. He had done the exact same thing the night before, long after making out and right before they had fallen asleep. He didn't know what had come over him, but he had hidden his face from Sehun quickly after that, as he did again now. Getting up and grabbing his bag.

Sehun picked up his own bag and followed Jongin out the door, his eyes upturned into crescents and a blush on high cheeks. Jongin only noticed when he turned to lock the door. He mimicked Sehun's smile as they walked to the elevator.

\----

Sehun ducked into a convenience store on their walk to campus for a few minutes. Jongin didn't follow him inside. He watched the cars flooding into the entrance of the campus and all the people crowding the sidewalks. This was a popular route as it faced the main part of the city, whereas on the other side of the campus, there was a more suburban feel. Not too many students came from that side. Apartments were cheaper downtown.

Sehun came out with a small grey plastic bag that he shoved into his—or, well, Jongin's—sweater pocket, and they continued down the road, running across the street seconds before the light went red.

“I always challenge cars to hit me when I'm crossing the road,” Sehun said.

Jongin raised a brow. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Sehun mused. “Like I don't wanna get hurt badly but like I'd definitely play it up so I could sue their asses. You know?”

“I guess. I heard somewhere if you get hit by a car on campus property they'll wipe out your tuition fee for that year.”

“Well I know how I'm paying for my education then.”

“That was my first thought,” Jongin said, laughing.

But Sehun turned to him and addressed him rather seriously. “But you're not really going to like jump in front of a car or anything right.”

Jongin frowned. “No, of course not.”

“Oh, good.”

“Why? Are you?”

“No.”

“Please don't.”

“I said ‘no’!”

Jongin snorted. “Whatever, I got my eye on you.”

Sehun pulled him into the bathroom as soon as they were in the right building. He produced the plastic bag and shook out its contents. A toothbrush and a mini tube of toothpaste.

Jongin awkwardly watched Sehun rinse his mouth, remembering his words from earlier. But Sehun only straightened up afterwards and suggested they hurry before they get late.

They spotted Baekhyun and Chanyeol standing outside whatever class they had, waiting for the doors to open and for the other class to leave. Jongin sent them a smile as the pair raised their gazes and saw him. Both their jaws dropped but before they could approach, their classmates started pushing towards the opening doors, crowding them and guiding them in the opposite direction.

Jongin remembered how he must look. Only then did he realize the looks people were giving him as he and Sehun made their way down the hall. They arrived at Sehun's class and found that everyone was already inside.

“See you after?”

“Yeah.” Jongin held his backpack strap tightly in his fist.

“Aren't you going to class?”

“Yeah.”

Neither moved.

“You first this time,” Sehun said. “Don't make me do all the work.”

Jongin averted his gaze for a second. Looking both ways down the hallway to insure that they had their privacy. There were a bunch of people milling around. It was never empty. Nevertheless, Jongin closed the distance between them. Sehun moved forward at the same time, colliding their faces, causing Jongin to let out a groan as he pulled back immediately and held onto his nose.

Sehun's eyes widened as he apologized profusely.

“Oh,  _damn_ , Jongin I am  _so_  sorry. Fuck, are you okay?”

Jongin nodded, but there were involuntary tears forming in his eyes from the impact. He blinked them away and nodded again. He pulled his hand away from his face and looked at it. No blood.

“I'm just- I'm gonna go now,” he said, laughing a little.

Sehun looked worried, but he nodded. “Yeah, that's probably a good idea.”

Jongin gave him a small wave before he continued down the hall.

\----

“What happened to you?” Chanyeol asked as Baekhyun only stared on, when they met up for lunch. It was just three of them. Sehun was still in class. He didn't share any breaks between classes with Jongin on Mondays.

“Just a misunderstanding. Nothing major.”

“I didn't know you had it in you. You're not the type to fight. I wonder what the other guy looked like at the end of it.”

“It was  _not_  a fight. There was some misinterpreted information given to the wrong person that got me punched. And then it was cleared up. That's it.”

“Was it Sehun?” Chanyeol and Jongin both turned to look at Baekhyun. He had only been quietly regarding Jongin's face since they had sat down, surprisingly not commenting till now. Jongin frowned.

“No… it was a neighbour. But Sehun was there.”

“And he let it happen?”

“It wasn't exactly expected.”

“Did he take you to the hospital?”

“No there was no need.”

“Oh so did he just kiss it better then?”

Jongin froze.  _Could Baekhyun really tell?_

He had passed Sehun on his way to his second class of the day and Sehun had pulled him behind the student services building to make up for the mishap earlier.

Then he'd made a cheesy comment about kissing his nose better by doing exactly that before realizing what had just happened and excusing himself, leaving Jongin feeling strangely accomplished.

There was no way Baekhyun knew about that, though.

Baekhyun's expression convinced Jongin that the smaller boy was only joking, so he let himself relax.

Until, Sehun plopped down next to him, a still steaming slice of pizza in hand.

“What are you doing here? You class doesn't end till two.”

“Finished early,” Sehun said, raising the slice to his mouth. Jongin caught Baekhyun frowning at the boy next to him as he burned the roof of his mouth and his face contorted in pain.

“Sehun…”

Sehun looked up, surprised as always when Jongin's friends addressed him.

Baekhyun gave him a small smirk before continuing. “Where'd you get that sweater from? I swear Jongin has one just like it.”

Of course, Jongin should have known that letting Sehun borrow his clothes wouldn't escape Baekhyun's hawk like eyes and attention to detail.

Chanyeol collapsed in laughter next to Baekhyun. “You slept over??”

“Yes,” Sehun said at the same time Jongin said “Shut up.”

Sehun cleared his throat. “Couldn't leave after watching him get sucker punched could I?”

Chanyeol continued laughing. Baekhyun only smiled. “Of course you couldn't.”

\----

“Kyungsoo, you- your face…”

This was his first time seeing Kyungsoo after Friday night. His heart almost leapt out in surprise seeing Kyungsoo sitting outside his apartment with his back leaning against the door. Besides the cut lip, Jongin couldn't see any sign of the bruises that he'd made out in the dark that night.

At first, he looked confused as to what Jongin could mean, but then he seemed to realize. He looked down at his feet sheepishly. “Oh, um, the miracle of makeup shouldn't be underestimated.”

“Make up?”

“Gotta save face, I guess,” he said laughing awkwardly.

That wasn't the answer Jongin was expecting, but it made sense. If Jongin was trying to hide a secret like Kyungsoo’s, he supposed he'd do the same. He just nodded in response, as he had begun to realize just how much he stuttered in situations that were uncomfortable for him.

“What happened to you?”

Jongin froze, he didn't want Kyungsoo to know that he had talked to Yixing about him. He had been meaning to clear things up with his landlord, but it might be best left alone for now. Jongin didn't want any more trouble or any more misunderstandings.

“It's nothing. Just an accident.”

They remained quiet, avoiding each other's gazes, for a few seconds.

“H- how are you?” Jongin asked carefully.

Kyungsoo’s wide eyes met his own and he couldn't help but think of what he had on the balcony. Kyungsoo was gorgeous. Now that he saw him in proper light and with all the swelling having gone down and no visible blemishes on his skin (though he supposed the makeup was a factor in that), Jongin thought he was absolutely glowing. Again, he wondered how anyone could want to hurt that face. Especially under the gaze of those large eyes.

He wanted to shake his head to get himself out of the daze he'd fallen into, but he realized how weird that would look, so he just stared back, hoping that his unease wasn't apparent on his face. His heart swelled for some reason at Kyungsoo staring back at him. He barely knew this man but he was so nervous to be around him. Nervous, but happy. He was happy that Kyungsoo seemed okay, but he realized that the longer he stared into those eyes, he recognized the redness and fatigue in them, similar to the night they had met, and his heart swelled again, painfully this time.

Then he realized that Kyungsoo hadn't responded to his question. And that Kyungsoo wasn't even looking at him anymore, but instead past him, towards the elevators.

“Uh, Kyungsoo?”

“Huh?” Kyungsoo’s eyes flickered back to him. “Oh, sorry. Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me.”

Jongin scratched the back of his head. “Do you…maybe wanna come in? For some coffee maybe?”

_If I could set myself on fire right now, I would,_  he thought to himself.  _What am I doing??_

“I really shouldn't, Jongin.” His gaze kept shifting to the elevators. Jongin turned around with a confused expression, there was no one there, but it was quite possible that Kyungsoo was expecting someone.

Jongin didn't want to make him cry like he had that night, so he didn't push the limits of the conversation. Instead, he nodded politely and offered Kyungsoo a small smile, which was returned to him graciously. He tried not to stare at Kyungsoo’s face any longer than deemed socially acceptable and unlocked his door, slipping inside, and closing it quietly.

A while later, once he was started on his assignments he heard voices. Whoever Kyungsoo had been waiting for had arrived. The whispers were rushed and harshly spoken, agitation and frustration evident. He could easily pick out Kyungsoo's voice among the garbled sounds.

Before he could think about what he was doing, he crept closer to the door, only to be met with the echo of Kyungsoo's door opening and then closing.

He sighed softly, resting his head against the wood. If only he could do something. Kyungsoo had asked him not to call the police, not to tell anyone. After trying, and failing, to talk to Yixing about it, it was clear that Kyungsoo had worked hard to keep it a secret. It wasn't his secret to tell, but it wasn't right to keep something like this a secret. He wasn't going into criminology for nothing.

But the dreadful feeling inside him, telling him something bad could happen, that he could make it worse, that Kyungsoo, technically a stranger to him, could possibly hate him if he did anything, stopped him. He made up his mind. He couldn't talk to Yixing again. He'd apologize for causing trouble to him and to Minseok and Jongdae and he wouldn't mention what was happening to Kyungsoo. He didn't want Kyungsoo to hate him. That was the most prevalent fears out of everything he was feeling at the time.

So for the next little while, as accusations flew back and forth as he was trying to study, he did his best not to eavesdrop.

Kyungsoo sounded angry. Though Jongin could only hear snippets of the conversation, he pieced together a pretty clear picture. This person, that had been tormenting Kyungsoo, Jongin could only guess that it was a boyfriend,  _was married_.

The accusation was what caught Jongin's attention right away.

He moved closer to his wall. The other person replied calmly, though Jongin didn't catch the words properly, but the next ones were clear.

“I want you out.” Jongin's chest surged. Was this really happening? Would this person only hurt Kyungsoo more for trying to get out? He felt ready to intervene if anything happened. Chanyeol had pointed out he wasn't one to fight, that didn't mean he wouldn't try.

The person replied, again too softly to hear. This was a big change from what he had heard the week before.

“I don't care!” Kyungsoo yelled, also different from the soft spoken Kyungsoo that Jongin had only seen so far. “Get your shit out. I want it all gone tomorrow or I'll throw it off the fucking balcony.”

The other person didn't argue further. He heard the sound of the door opening again and then clicking shut. He could hear Kyungsoo shuffling around next door.

He was compelled to go and knock, maybe ask Kyungsoo if he would need any help throwing things off his balcony. But he instead he moved back to his desk and continued his assignments until his eyelids drooped and he could no longer keep his head up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Kyungsoo!!!!!
> 
> (This chapter is brought to you by Jongin's hair. He's blond again and I'm living)
> 
> Don't hesitate to leave a comment because I love reading them :D


	7. Why Do You Dream A Dangerous Dream?

Jongin woke up drenched in sweat, his entire body feeling overheated. His cheeks felt as if he was standing in front of an open oven and his boxers were tight, straining across his hips. A glance down at his lap told him what he suspected.

He had fallen asleep at his desk, and had a wet dream about his small, wide eyed neighbour.

It wasn't that he had never had a wet dream before, just not one about somebody he didn't technically know at all and had only met twice. He didn't even know how he had managed to cum since there was no way for him to elicit any friction in his sleep while he was sitting in a chair. But it had happened. And it had seemed so real too.

There had been a knock at his door and Kyungsoo had come in with tears in his eyes, telling him everything. About his boyfriend being married, having a kid, living on the other side of the city, how he had no intention of setting someone as first priority when he himself wasn't one.

Then Jongin had confessed his feelings—feelings he didn't exactly know were there—and Kyungsoo had been quick, quicker than Sehun, at kissing him.

_Sehun!_

Guilt surged within him. He and Sehun weren't anything, really. Not yet anyways, but he was already thinking about someone else. If there had been no feelings before for Kyungsoo, they were definitely there now. All because he seemed to have reverted back to a horny middle schooler.

Or, he recognized them, better now. Everything he had been feeling since meeting Kyungsoo and henceforth thinking about him started reminding him of how he had started feeling about Sehun. Only, his feelings for Sehun had come gradually. His attraction to Kyungsoo seemed to be prevalent, as if they had always been there, just waiting for them to meet to be able to surface. But that was impossible. He didn't know how else to describe how he felt about hearing Kyungsoo's situation through the walls before meeting him and still feeling such an intense amount of emotion towards him.

There was nothing that Jongin could do about these feelings he was developing, but there was something he could do about the ones he already had. For Sehun that is. A stupid dream wasn't going to ruin anything for him. He would do his best to put it behind him.

\----

He had no classes Tuesday. He usually took a day shift on Tuesdays, if one was available. He could always use the extra money.

Yifan, however, was not happy with him turning up looking the way he did. Not angry, but not happy.

“You're on the fourth floor aren't you?” Yifan asked him, sighing.

“Uh, yeah.”

“When Jongdae told me he punched some kid on his floor I didn't think he meant you, Jongin.”

Jongin smiled sheepishly, he wasn't surprised that Yifan would know Jongdae and Minseok. He had told Jongin, when he was still apartment hunting, that he had been living in that building for a long time. Which reminded him, he still had to clear things up with Yixing, who probably still thought he was homophobic. “It was a misunder—”

“Misunderstanding, yes, I heard. Try to be more careful would you?”

Jongin nodded. He wondered if Yifan knew Kyungsoo too. The couple on his left seemed much more outgoing than what he'd witnessed of Kyungsoo's reserved demeanor. It was possible he kept to himself enough for Yifan to not know him personally.

Tao walked in ten minutes late, peeking at Jongin over sunglasses, despite the cloudy sky outside.

“You know, as much as I prefer working in the back, I think today I'll let you do it.”

Jongin frowned. “Really?”

“Yeah, that ugly mug of yours will scare away all of the customers.”

 _I'm not one to fight_ , he reminded himself with fists balled up tightly as Tao walked past him, high pitched laugh ringing through the empty cafe, as he went to change into his uniform.

“He's right. You should work in the back for now.”

Jongin shot Yifan an incredulous look.

“Uh, not because you're ugly, Jongin. It’s just that you look really unprofessional right now. Besides, you hate working front.”

Jongin grumbled but went back into the kitchen and started up the ovens for the day and unloaded the coffee pots from the dishwasher, leaving them all at the wrong thermals with the wrong lids on just to make Tao’s morning a little bit more difficult than it would have been otherwise.

\----

Sehun met him at the cafe near the end of his shift and they walked to the dance studio that Jongin had told him about before. He had booked a studio in advance so there would be no issues when they got there.

There was more talking about choreography, and Sehun demonstrating some moves, than actual practice since Jongin was exhausted from being on his feet all day.

Their dancing styles were admittedly different, but that didn't mean they didn't mix well together. Jongin decided that he could watch Sehun dance forever. He didn't need anything else.

Sehun walked him back to his apartment before catching a bus to his uncle's house. Jongin entered in a daze, tired but content. He didn't particularly hear anything when he got inside his flat, but after his shower, when he was drying his hair with a towel, he heard the sobs come through again. Instantly, the crippling sadness and anxiety from Thursday night, the last time he had heard Kyungsoo cry through the walls like this, came back, hitting him like bag of bricks.

He hurriedly dressed himself and opened his apartment door. Standing in front of Kyungsoo's door again, his arm out, knuckles poised right before the wood, he didn't know why, but he knew he shouldn't. Just like a few days before. But this time, he did.

It took a while, but he heard someone shuffle up to the door. But it didn't open.

“Kyungsoo… are you okay?” he called out softly, hoping the other would hear it properly.

“Go away Jongin,” Kyungsoo replied, just as softly.

“If there's anything I can do—”

“Just leave! Please, _please_ leave me alone!”

Jongin was taken aback by the outburst.

“Kyungsoo…” he started.

“Don't get involved. Please don't get involved.” Kyungsoo started crying again and Jongin was heartbroken by the fact there wasn't anything he could do to immediately remedy it.

So he did what Kyungsoo asked. He went back into his flat, and left Kyungsoo alone.

He didn't get involved.

\----

Jongin knew that Baekhyun liked wearing makeup. He had to be good at it too, because he had never seen Baekhyun looking bad.

He remembered how Kyungsoo told him he had used makeup to cover up his bruises and so he thought he'd ask someone who probably knew what they were doing. He couldn't really ask Kyungsoo, considering their interaction through the door the night before, and that Jongin didn't really know him like that—sex dream aside.

Though he wasn't really one to put too much conscious effort into his appearance, he really couldn't stand all the stares he was getting everywhere he'd go and his bruise wasn't looking like it was going away any time soon.

So when he met up with the inseparable duo during his break for lunch, he asked Baekhyun if he could help with his problem and Baekhyun actually seemed quite delighted at being asked. However, Chanyeol whispered something into his ear, making him frown, before he went back to eating his burrito as if nothing had happened.

Baekhyun held his gaze and cleared his throat. “I'll help you. On one condition.”

“What is it?” he asked, hesitantly, glancing towards Sehun who was eating next to him, seemingly not paying attention to the conversation. But Jongin knew he was, because he was sitting up straight and leaning slightly forward rather than slouching like he usually did when he was eating.

“Tell us what the fuck actually happened.”

That was when Jongin realized he'd only vaguely explained the situation to his two best friends and then left them hanging. He nodded and swallowed thickly before diving into the story. He started from the very beginning.

“So one of my neighbours, he's kinda being treated really badly by his boyfriend, and I can kinda hear everything through the walls so I was getting worried…”

He told them about meeting Kyungsoo on the balcony and being told not to do anything like call the police and how he'd still gone to Yixing about the situation. He explained that he hadn't felt comfortable saying the situation out loud and communicated poorly with his landlord and and somehow convinced Yixing that he was talking about his _other_ neighbours and that he was homophobic.

Chanyeol laughed loudly at that, earning a firm kick under the table from Jongin before he continued. He told them how Jongdae and Minseok got the wrong idea because he hadn't been able to properly convey his message to Yixing and Jongdae and punched him in the face.

“Wow,” Chanyeol said. “You really need to learn how to talk to people.”

“Leave me alone,” he looked to Baekhyun. “Will you help me?”

Before he could do anything, Baekhyun leaned over and grabbed Jongin's face, pinching the skin harshly. Jongin was a little frightened. Baekhyun sat back and took out his phone. He played around with something before holding it up and snapping a picture of a wide eyed Jongin. Even Sehun looked up, to see why he had heard a camera shutter go off, taking his attention off eating his food like an animal for only a second before going right back to it.

“Yeah I'll help.”

Jongin wondered why everyone around him was hell bent on making him feel as confused as possible.

\----

Later that day, while they were heading out of their lab and towards one of the studios they'd booked off for dance practice, they passed by Professor Kim, who recognized him immediately when he and Sehun stopped to say hello.

“You never came by the department office, Jongin. I'm a little disappointed.”

Jongin looked down. “I'm sorry professor, I just haven't had the time. Between school and work and—”

Professor Kim cut him off with a laugh. “Don't worry about it. Just drop by anytime.”

Jongin nodded, thinking that would be the end of the conversation, he almost turned back to Sehun, who had been quiet this entire time, but Professor Kim grabbed his chin in one hand and stopped him.

“If you don't mind me asking…” Professor Kim moved his hand from Jongin's chin to lightly press his fingers to the slant of Jongin's nose. “What happened to your face?”

Sehun's hand shot out and grabbed Professor Kim’s wrist.

“He minds,” Sehun said, his voice sounding deeper, gruffer than usual.

Professor Kim turned his gaze towards Sehun for the first time, eyes surprised as if he hadn't noticed Sehun standing there before. But he only chuckled and pulled his wrist out of Sehun's grip.

“Well, I'm off. Take care of yourself Jongin.” He gave Jongin a warm smile, leaving with an expression directed towards Sehun that Jongin wouldn't consider friendly in any way.

When he was out of sight, Jongin smacked Sehun on the arm.

“Ow!” Sehun nudged Jongin in the ribs. “What the hell was that for?”

“Are you crazy? Talking to him like that?”

“Who? Professor Kim? He's a tool.”

“He is also the head of the criminology department. The guy who gets final say in whether _you_ get your degree or not.”

“I doubt he’ll be around that long. Not if he keeps flirting with students the way he does. He's gonna get caught doing something worse one day.”

“Oh, what do you know?” It was rhetorical, but Sehun answered anyways.

“Plenty. _You_ may not keep up with the latest gossip but _I_ do and trust me Jongin, he's bad news.”

“Are you trying to say that when he says to come by the department office to discuss what kind of opportunities there are for me, he's really just talking about the opportunity to suck his dick?”

“Hey, you said it, not me.”

“ _You literally just said it_. Just with different words.”

“But I didn't use _those_ words so you can't say that I said it.”

Jongin rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I'm not interested in sucking cock for grades or internships or whatever he's offering.”

“Oh so _now_ you're going to believe school gossip?”

“ _Sehun_.” Why was he like this? Not that Jongin could complain, considering he was grinning at Sehun's teasing.

“Yes?”

“You just said—”

“I said nothing.”

“Fine. I won't believe the rumours. I'll just go and see what kind of opportunities he's offering me for myself and just take what I can get. What's a blow job if I get what I want right?”

Sehun stopped walking. They had just reached the studio and Sehun grimaced at him before opening the door, pulling him in harshly and shutting the door loudly. He locked it before pushing Jongin up against it and planting his hands firmly on either side of Jongin's shoulders.

“Can we _please_ not talk about you giving blow jobs to other people?” Sehun said as his nose nudged Jongin's cheek slightly, the breath from his words hitting Jongin's parted lips. His tongue darted out to wet them as his mouth suddenly felt dry at their proximity. Before Sehun could close the distance between them, as Jongin assumed he would, he dropped down on his knees in front of Sehun and started tugging at his belt buckle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone who has read, commented, left kudos, subscribed etc.
> 
> It really means a lot since this is my first EXO fic, and I'm trying to come out of huge writers block, and because I was extremely hesitant to post this story, not knowing what kind of reaction it would get.
> 
> I have pretty much the entire story planned out already and about half of it written in drafts and I was kind of nervous about the big game changer in the story (around chapter 11 12 or 13) before I posted but now I'm actually excited to get to that point because of the positive feedback!!
> 
> Sorry for the rambling authors note but I just want to let you all know that you're extremely appreciated <3


	8. The Closer You'll Go the More You'll Hurt

Baekhyun slid a small slip of paper over the table to Jongin. They were seated at his desk in his bedroom while Chanyeol was lounging on his bed. Sehun had texted him earlier that he was close and Jongin texted back that he'd leave the door unlocked so Sehun could just walk in.

“What's this?” Jongin asked, picking up the paper and examining it.

“The receipt.” Baekhyun was rummaging through the plastic bag he had brought with him and lining up bottles and tubes filled with skin coloured liquids and creams on the desk.

“Huh?”

“Well, I can't use my makeup on you. We have different skin tones and skin types.”

Jongin didn't think that would matter much. He must have looked confused because Baekhyun continued, slower, like he was talking to a child.

“ _Your_ skin and _my_ skin are _different_ ,” he said. “These products are specifically for yours. I have perfect skin and yours is kinda dry. You got that tan and I was born without the ability to tan.”

“Oh.”

“But I don't sleep on a pile of money so you owe me.”

“Oh,” he said again. “Yeah, of course sorry.”

They heard the door open and then click shut from the other room. A few seconds later, Sehun walked in, in his own clothes this time. He set down his bag and joined Chanyeol on the bed, watching Baekhyun carefully looking at the labels of each product he had brought. Jongin tried not to think about earlier, when they had most definitely not been practicing their routine, knowing Baekhyun and Chanyeol were not ones to let even the slightest blush go unteased.

“That's a lot,” Sehun commented. “Shouldn't there be like just one thing that can do the job?”

“That's not how makeup works, honey. It's not magic, it's a science.” He finally seemed to settle on something. “Okay, first, concealer.”

Baekhyun twisted the tube of concealer and used a soft pad to start applying it to Jongin's face, but it must have not been working, because he was frowning. He clicked his tongue and applied more, rubbing harshly.

“Ow!” Jongin twisted his face out of Baekhyun's hold. “Could you be a _little_ gentle?”

“Sorry, it just doesn't look right. Your nose still looks blue.”

He took out a cotton ball and dampened it with a liquid from a bottle that was labelled as makeup remover. After the concealer was all gone, Baekhyun got out something Jongin didn't really expect in this scenario.

“Um, isn't that lipstick?”

Chanyeol snorted. “Baekhyun this isn't a makeover.”

“Shut up, both of you. Don't you know how _colours_ work? The red will counteract with the bluish tinge the bruise has. Actors use it to cover up tattoos in movies.”

After the second attempt, applying a little of the red lipstick, then the concealer again, and some foundation and powder, he still wasn't happy.

“It's better,” Sehun said, “but I don't think you'll want to go out looking like that.”

Jongin got up to look at himself in the bathroom mirror. He squinted slightly at his reflection and noticed Sehun was right. The outer edges of the bruise, where it had spread onto his cheeks and under his eyes looked fairly normal, as the bruise had already started yellowing there anyways. But despite the makeup relatively matching his skin tone—Jongin realized that must have been why Baekhyun took a picture of him—it left his nose looking grey instead of the blue, purple and black hues it had taken on in the past few days. It did look better, he didn't look as beat up and tired, but he definitely looked like he was trying to hide a bruise with makeup, and he might as well just have it on show.

He heard whispering as he walked back out and everyone stopped and turned away from each other to face him.

“What is it?”

“Nothing,” Chanyeol answered, before getting busy with his phone.

“Sorry I wasn't much help, Jongin,” Baekhyun said. “If the bruise wasn't so fresh and dark, this would have worked a lot better.”

“Don't worry about it. It's not going to look so bad in a couple of weeks anyways.”

“Well if people don't stop giving you weird looks then just get Chanyeol to beat them up for you.”

Chanyeol looked up from his phone. “M-me?”

“Yeah! He’ll sucker punch everyone at uni.”

“Uh, Baek, I've never been in a fight in my life.”

“It's never too late.”

“Why can't Sehun do it?!”

Jongin groaned. “No one has beat anyone up! You two are ridiculous.”

“No, I'll do it,” Sehun said. “If anyone bothers you.”

“Aw, see? Look at that.” Chanyeol was just glad he wasn't the candidate for beating people up anymore.

“No one's bothering me!”

“I'm just letting you know.”

Jongin pouted a bit. He didn't like violence in any shape or form. Only if it was as defense was he slightly less wary about it. But he wasn't going to deny that the thought of Sehun standing up for him wasn't endearing. He was willing to stand up for Sehun too.

“I think they're having a moment,” Chanyeol stage whispered to Baekhyun. It was clearly meant to ruin said moment.

“No beating anyone up.”

He was met with grumbles that resembled ‘okay’ and ‘fine, whatever’ and ‘no promises’.

“Why bring it up anyways Baek? People stare at anything and everything and I'm sure by face isn't the weirdest thing to look at on campus.”

Baekhyun shrugged and leaned back in Jongin's chair. “I like drama.”

\----

Since it was only the middle of the week, they all had studying they should have been doing, so everyone left Jongin's apartment. Sehun lingered back for a while, pulling Jongin close once the door had shut behind Chanyeol and Baekhyun, kissing him senseless until he had to leave too.

Jongin didn't know what he had been thinking, deciding that a blow job was the best way to react when he was pressed between Sehun and door. He hadn't been thinking, that was the problem. Or maybe, it wasn't a problem, since Sehun hadn't hesitated in returning the favour. Maybe the only problem was that they hadn't ended up practicing, or that he had remembered his dream about his neighbour right afterwards and felt immensely guilty about it.

Guilty about the dream, that is. According to basic interpretive psychology it represented unconscious desires and maybe they _weren't_ so unconscious since he had _very consciously_ recognized that morning that he was slightly taken by his neighbour and the feelings were recognizable enough to be considered infatuation.

But his lips still felt hot from how Sehun had been sucking on them earlier, so he found himself uncaring. Sehun was a significant part of his life. He had minimal interaction with Kyungsoo and could easily explain his little crush as his feelings being confused with the worry he had for the man. At least, that's what he was determined to believe. He didn't want anything to ruin what he might be building with Sehun, and he was a firm believer in ignoring problems until they went away.

He remembered however, that Kyungsoo had apparently kicked his abuser out of his life. He also remembered Kyungsoo crying the night before, but he could only imagine how much pain he must have gone through and how much courage it must have taken to stand up and take charge, of course, that would drain someone. He couldn't shake the uneasiness he was feeling, though. Ever since Kyungsoo had denied his offer of comfort, he wondered if things were actually getting better, or worse.

He was microwaving himself some instant noodles when he heard the sound of a door opening out in the hallway. He knew it had to be Kyungsoo's since it was the closest in proximity to his own. He heard it close but then nothing else. He didn't hear any footsteps pass by his door towards the elevator or any voices. The microwave beeped to tell him that his food was done but he ignored it and approached his door, listening for any inclination that someone might be outside.

Not hearing anything, he swung the door open, not knowing what to expect, but definitely not expecting Kyungsoo standing there with his fist raised as if he was about to knock.

Kyungsoo retracted his hand immediately and looked down at his feet.

“Um, I didn't want to bother you, but um, I just—”

“Do you want to come in?”

“Yes,” he said, and after a pause, “please.”

Jongin smiled at him and moved out of the doorway so Kyungsoo could come inside. He closed the door softly as Kyungsoo looked around.

“It's not really…” Jongin didn't know what to say. “Sorry, I don't have much furniture.”

“It's simple,” Kyungsoo said. “Cute.”

Jongin examined his face. Once again, only Kyungsoo's cut lip was noticeable. It seemed that Kyungsoo was examining his face too, because he frowned.

“Are you sick?”

“Huh?”

“Sorry, you're just looking a little… grey.”

“Uh, yeah, I tried to, you know, follow what you said.”

“What I said?”

“Yeah, about makeup.”

Kyungsoo's confused expression softened.

“Jongdae… hit you, didn't he?”

Jongin's eyes widened. Jongin remembered telling him that the bruise was just an accident. Had he just pretended not to know anything when Jongin had lied to his face. “How did you know?”

“The walls are thin.” Why hadn’t he said anything then?

Jongin nodded and told Kyungsoo to have a seat. Kyungsoo smiled, his eyes lighting up, and thanked him before he did. Jongin put some coffee on for them, completely forgetting about his noodles.

“So, are you friends with them?” he asked once they both had steaming mugs of coffee in their hands.

“Hm?” Kyungsoo looked up from his coffee. He was blowing on it softly, plump lips rounding to let air out.

Jongin gulped.

“Jongdae and Minseok. They're your friends, right?”

Kyungsoo frowned. “They used to be. Now… I guess things are a little complicated.”

“Oh. Was there a falling out?”

“No. I just can't find it in me to talk with them much. I think I make them sad.”

Jongin could understand that. But it wasn't Kyungsoo himself that made him sad, it was more the situation that he was in.

“Can I tell you something?” Kyungsoo asked him, tilting his head slightly and meeting Jongin's gaze directly.

Jongin was about to take a sip of his coffee but moved the cup away from his mouth. “Sure.”

“I think you should move.”

“What?!”

“At least to a different floor.”

“But—”

“I think it's for the best.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“That's not an answer.”

“I'd rather you not be my neighbour.”

Jongin was getting a little angry. He had tried his best not to intrude in Kyungsoo's life, but this was a little ridiculous to him.

“What did I do? I'll leave you alone if that's what you want. But at least tell me what I did that was so bad you want me to move.”

“You didn't _do_ anything.”

“Then why—”

“It's going to happen anyways. You're going to get sick of the noise, of the sleep you lose, of me and my problems. So you might as well move now. Save yourself the trouble.”

“I thought—” Kyungsoo was looking right into his eyes and he wasn't feeling okay. “—I _heard_ you telling him to leave.”

“So?”

“So it's over right?”

“It's never over. Look, this always happens. Everyone who moves into this apartment gets sick of it and they always leave. You’re a uni student aren’t you? The last thing you need is extra stress in your life. I'm just trying to warn you.”

Jongin put his mug down and stood up, looking down on Kyungsoo still slouched in the chair and blowing over the coffee, not having taken a single sip yet.

“Warn me? Maybe if you just let me _help_ —”

“There is no helping me. Do you think you're the first who's tried? I don't even know what Yixing was thinking giving you this apartment when he _knows_ —”

“So he does know.”

“Of course. It's his building. He knows that no one lasts more than a couple of months here because of me and he knows why.”

“And he hasn't done anything either?”

“Because there's nothing he _can_ do. That's what I'm trying to say.”

“Who is this person that he's too fucking untouchable for anyone to help you?”

“Jongin…”

The entire time Kyungsoo had been talking, his expression had been fairly uncaring, as if his words had no importance, just something he needed to get out of the way so he could move on with his life. That angered Jongin. Because nothing he had done had directly interfered with Kyungsoo. He didn't call the cops because Kyungsoo told him not to. He left him alone when asked. Left the topic alone when it was clear Kyungsoo didn't want to talk about it. So how did Kyungsoo think he had a right to tell him what the hell to do.

But when he said Jongin's name like that and then he looked up at Jongin as if he was frustrated that Jongin couldn't understand what he was trying to convey, he felt, maybe he truly  _didn't_ understand.

But no.

Jongin understood perfectly. Kyungsoo was stuck in a relationship that was toxic but was too damaged to understand why he had to get out of it. That's why he wasn't accepting help and it must be why he made Jongdae and Minseok, who apparently _used_ to be his friends, sad. But what he didn't understand was that Kyungsoo had clearly _tried_ to get out, just a couple of nights ago. What had changed since then?

“Please just trust me.”

Jongin shook his head. “You're not making any sense. Why can't you understand that you need help?”

Kyungsoo put his own mug down and stood up as well. He was standing so close to Jongin, having to tip his head far back to look up to him. It was so different from standing close to Sehun, who was so close to his height, where their noses were always just shy of touching. He knew he was breathing faster than normal. He hoped Kyungsoo couldn't feel it.

“I tried to let someone help me. A long time ago. I learned never to do it again.”

“So you're just going to let this happen? You can't just accept this as your life.”

“I have. I've told you before. I'm fine as I am and I just—” Jongin was surprised that despite his composed demeanour, Kyungsoo's voice broke at his last word. He shut his eyes and turned his face away, his composure dropping completely for the first time since he had stepped into Jongin's flat. “I'm going to go.”

Jongin grabbed his arms before he could move, maintaining their closeness. “You don't have to. Stay. We can figure this out.”

“No I can't be here any longer. I'll—”

“ _Please_ stay.”

“You don't want me to.”

“ _Yes I do._ ”

Kyungsoo finally looked back up at him, eyes now brimming with tears.

“Do _you_ not want to stay?”

Kyungsoo's lips parted slightly, but it took him a moment to speak. “I-I do.”

“Then stay.”

Kyungsoo seemed to think about it for a moment. Then just like in his dream, faster than he could think, Kyungsoo attacked his lips in a hungry kiss.

Jongin didn't push him away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops......... I have a habit of writing and editing this story not sober.....
> 
> Anyways enjoy because after a few more chapters there isn't going to be much happy anymore.
> 
> I tagged this story as angst and angst there will be.


	9. I Just Wanna Make You Love Me (Right)

It did not end up like his dream. In fact, it ended up more like the first night Sehun had stayed over, only with a lot more tears. He knew Kyungsoo was crying, but he was sure he was too, though he couldn't pinpoint the exact reason why. There was an intense feeling of relief that came to him but he knew that was wrong, he shouldn't be feeling _good_ about this. But the amount of trust emanating from Kyungsoo to him made him temporarily forget why it shouldn't be happening. Why else would Kyungsoo kiss him, if he didn't trust him?

Waking up next to Kyungsoo however, was nothing like waking up next to Sehun. Now that the intenseness of the previous night had passed, Jongin was overcome with guilt, as he watched Kyungsoo’s chest rise and fall gently.

He didn't know what he and Sehun were, or what he really meant to Sehun, but he knew what Sehun meant to him and he wasn't willing to lose that.

He liked Kyungsoo, he guessed, even though the man was confusing as hell—telling him to move and then kissing him—but this wasn't what he wanted. What he wanted was for Kyungsoo to be safe, that was all, and this, definitely wasn't considered _safe_.

But he didn't wake Kyungsoo up, though his phone told him he only had fifteen minutes to get to class. Everything was so peaceful in that moment, despite Jongin's guilt, and he didn't want Kyungsoo to wake up and be a part of that too. He thought he'd just let the spell of peace Kyungsoo was in, in that moment, last a little while longer. After all, it wasn't his fault. Jongin should have been the one to push him away, even if rejection was probably the last thing that Kyungsoo needed.

But what had happened had happened and nothing could change that now. All Jongin could do was repent, and make sure it never happened again.

Sehun texted him. Of course he did, saying he was worried that Jongin wasn't in class. He didn't reply just yet.

Watching Kyungsoo wake up was aweing to Jongin. He had such a pretty face, it looked so young, that Jongin would never be able to correctly guess his age. His eyes moved slowly beneath his eyelids before they fluttered a bit. Then he opened them slowly, meeting with Jongin's immediately.

His cheeks reddened. Kyungsoo must have known he had been staring. The man sat up on Jongin's tiny mattress and stretched.

“This can never happen again, obviously,” Kyungsoo said. Jongin didn't expect that, but he nodded in agreement. “I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. I try not to get too emotional but you just—”

“It's okay. But you're right, it shouldn't happen again.”

Kyungsoo nodded at him. “I still think you should just take my advice. Save yourself the trouble and just move, okay?”

Jongin felt the surge of anger from the night before return. _How can he still be like this?_

But he didn't argue this time. He didn't show any sign of agreement either. He just watched Kyungsoo smile at him, and bend down, leaving a ghost of a kiss on his brow before stroking his hair, making him feel like a child. Jongin decided he hated how confusing Kyungsoo was.

“I've never met anyone like you,” Kyungsoo said softly. “I'm glad to have been so lucky.”

That was the last thing he said before he pulled his hands away from Jongin's hair, as Jongin refrained from following his touch, and left.

Jongin sighed when he heard the door close and unlocked his phone.

_I'm sorry, I overslept. I'll be there soon._

As he was getting dressed he got a reply.

_I'll be waiting :)_

He had never felt so undeserving.

\----

Jongin decided that _not_ telling Sehun about what happened was probably for the best. He was determined not to let something like this ever happen again, so there was no point in complicating things when he and Sehun hadn't yet defined their relationship.

He still felt immensely guilty, but he knew that telling Sehun would hurt him and he'd rather lie and internalize his guilt than see Sehun hurt. It was a little selfish, he knew, but what else could he that wouldn't end in him possibly losing Sehun.

They met up at their second class and Sehun put a hand on his thigh when he sat down, ultimately distracting him from even attempting to take any comprehensible notes for the rest of the class. Any time he thought he would get used to it, Sehun would lightly squeeze his thigh or start rubbing circles with his thumb and his head would spin. He was glad he chose not to wear tight pants today.

The day passed quickly and before Jongin knew it, he was at work.

Yifan looked surprised to see him.

“I didn't know you were working today?”

“You put me on the schedule....?”

Yifan went and checked. “Sorry about that Jongin, I guess I forgot to tell you that we’re over staffed today. You can take the night off.”

Jongin didn't mind that. He had a few assignment deadlines approaching and would be glad to get ahead.

But he couldn't concentrate.

Kyungsoo was right. He really couldn't take it anymore. The fighting had started up again. This was the earliest in the day he had ever heard it, usually he only heard sounds from next door later into the night but it was still early in the evening.

Kyungsoo was very obviously not sober. He couldn't understand a thing that was being said, but truthfully, it didn't sound much like fighting this time. It sounded like someone was pleading with him, and he was slowly starting to give in, that also, in an intoxicated state. That made Jongin angry. He had half a mind to go over there and knock down the door and somehow put some sense into Kyungsoo. But he couldn't, he knew that. He had to stay away.

Eventually, the man started sounding really frustrated with the fact that Kyungsoo was still being stubborn and not giving in as quickly as he had hoped. Jongin felt like he might know what would happen next. He didn't want to be around for it, especially since there was nothing he could do.

He apparently couldn't call the police, he definitely couldn't interfere himself. He wasn't a fighter and if things got violent, well then he and Kyungsoo _both_ would be in trouble.

But he did know who he _could_ call. Even if it was just for distraction.

Sehun told him the address to a party some upper year student he knew was throwing. He didn't really know what kind of person threw a party on a Thursday night but it would definitely be better than sitting alone in his apartment listening to what he was now.

So after changing into some jeans and a comfortable, but not entirely hideous sweater, he silently prayed Kyungsoo would be okay and caught a bus that dropped him off near the address. It was dark now, as autumn was looming but he didn’t expect the music to already be booming. It wasn't that late but he could hear the party before he turned on the block. He texted Sehun to meet him outside, not entirely sure he wanted to go in at all.

He used to be into partying, he still was, but he thought that for now he'd rather just spend time with Sehun. The door opened and the boy he was waiting for stumbled out and grinned at him.

“Hey,” he said, draping his arms around Jongin tightly and attempting to kiss him. He didn't _entirely_ miss Jongin's mouth.

“I don't know if I wanna be here right now,” Jongin told him.

“It's okay!” Sehun said laughing. “I was just planning on loading up on the free booze and then splitting. Whadya say?”

“Seems like you've had nearly enough to me,” Jongin said, laughing.

“Nearly,” Sehun agreed. “But _you_ haven't.”

It didn't sound like a bad plan to Jongin so he let Sehun drag him into the house and pour him a shot.

After only two straight, he decided he couldn't take the taste of anymore tequila and only twenty minutes later he was happily buzzed. Switching to beer, he gulped down an entire cup in one go. Sehun stopped him on his third one.

Jongin pouted at him hoping Sehun wouldn't be able to resist and give him his drink back. But instead, he pulled Jongin through the crowd and into the tiny guest bathroom and locked the door. Without even turning on the lights, their hands and lips found each other in a drunken frenzy. Jongin was reminded of his random high school hookups at parties held in houses just like this one. He hadn't done this in a while but this wasn't just some random hookup. This was Sehun.

He happily kissed back and didn't complain as cold air hit his heated bare skin because Sehun was just as hot and just as bare and pressed as close as he could possibly be.

**\----**

They had somehow managed to not fall asleep in that bathroom and caught a cab back to Jongin's apartment. One thing they could both agree on the next morning is that Sehun is incredibly smart for buying condoms that are already lubed up and always keeping some in his wallet.

“It's not that bad though is it?”

Jongin only grumbled in reply.

“Can't be, considering how you were begging for more.”

Jongin smacked Sehun's chest as he laughed and straddled his waist, his entire lower body protesting at the movement. He would _not_ let Sehun make fun of him for being sore.

“We’ll see if you're laughing like this next time.”

“Next time, huh? I imagine it'll be pretty much the same.”

“Don't think I'll ever let you top again if you don't shut up.”

Sehun grinned and pretended to zip his lips shut. Jongin replicated the smile and leaned down to kiss him. Sehun moaned into the kiss.

When they pulled apart, Jongin rested his pounding head on Sehun's chest and Sehun put his hands on Jongin's hips, squeezing slightly and then moving up and down along his torso. Jongin felt he could stay like that forever. Unfortunately, Sehun apparently liked to ruin moments like these.

“As much as I wanna stay in bed with you for the rest of the day, we have class in less than an hour.”

Jongin groaned. He was on the verge of falling back asleep. But Sehun pushed himself into a sitting position and Jongin, who was lying on top of him, had no choice but to sit up too.

He took a deep breath before he pulled himself off Sehun's lap and got out clothes for the both of them. They downed a couple of pain killers before they left, playfully bumping into each other as they went out the door, locking it behind them. Minseok and Jongdae were already waiting for the elevator when they came out and the two boys greeted the men politely, though Sehun's greeting sounded more like mixture between a mumble and growl. Jongin knew he still wasn't happy about what had happened.

The men greeted them back, Jongdae slightly nudging Minseok about something with a smirk, likely thinking they wouldn't notice—or maybe he didn't care if they did. Minseok elbowed him back, harshly whispering something at him. Jongdae continued to smirk.

“Your nose looks a lot better,” Minseok commented.

“Yeah, it hurts less too.”

“Again, we're both really sorry about the misunderstanding that—”

“Really, don't worry about it. It was my fault.”

Minseok looked ready to argue but the elevator dinged to announce its arrival and the doors slid open. Minseok closed his mouth and entered the elevator with Jongdae right behind him. As soon as Jongin entered, he caught his reflection properly in the mirrored sides of the elevator and quickly realized why Jongdae must have been smirking.

He hadn't been able to glance at himself in the mirror, earlier when he and Sehun were brushing their teeth—because apparently Sehun had left a toothbrush in Jongin's bathroom the night he had been there with Baekhyun and Chanyeol in hopes that he'd get to stay over again sometime, which Jongin found weird but endearing—since Sehun couldn't stop teasing him and splashing him with water the entire time.

He looked like a complete mess, and now properly taking in Sehun's appearance as well, he didn't look much better. Both their necks were riddled with reddened hickeys that were bound to turn purple soon. Sehun didn't seem to care but Jongin put the hood of his sweater up to conceal his neck at least a little bit. Thankfully, it was a lot less noticeable that way.

It's not that Jongin didn't want anyone to find out. If he were still in high school he would worn the hickeys proudly because it meant he was getting action and others weren't. But Sehun felt so private to him. Personal. It felt weird for him to have others know of their intimacy, as if that could somehow devalue it and make it less _theirs_.

Of course it didn't. He knew that. And with Sehun pressed against his side in the tiny elevator and Jongdae’s smirk still visible from where he was standing, he wished he was still that high schooler, so he wouldn't mind being embarrassingly proud of getting laid.

But there was something that slightly bothered Jongin. Something that they hadn't yet outright talked about.

So as they walked side by side towards the campus, he decided to just blurt it out.

“What are we?”

Sehun turned to him in surprise. “W-what?”

“Never mind.” It was drizzling slightly and Sehun had pulled up the hood of the sweater that he had borrowed from Jongin, as well.

“No, wait. I've been kind of thinking about that too.”

“Oh.”

“I just— I want you to know, I care about you. _A lot._ I have for a long time. I'm not exactly sure when it I went from thinking of you as a friend to wanting to be more than that, and I don't know if maybe this all happened faster than I expected, I mean it's been less than a week since we first kissed, but it's more than just this for me. More than the kissing and the blow jobs and the sex and I kinda hope it is for you too.”

Jongin chuckled. “You kinda just took the words right out of my mouth.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Jongin said, nodded. Sehun reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly.

“So we're like… boyfriends, then?”

“I guess we are.”

Sehun grinned and ducked his head.

They walked to their class hand in hand, sat at the back as usual, sitting closely, sharing shy smiles and Jongin had never been so content and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I know I said angst but then this happened instead...
> 
> All I'm saying is don't get used to it because I don't do well with any kind of fluff lol
> 
> Don't forget to let me know what you think!!
> 
> (P.S. Anyone else on their deathbed cos of all these teasers and that leaked video? I haven't watched it but I have the link and it's HAUNTING me)


	10. Never Felt Like This Before, Like My Breath Will Stop

Several people staying late in the studio came in and watched them practice. At first they sort of appreciated the audience, and welcomed the criticism and suggestions, but eventually they decided they were kind of sick of it and put on the private practice marker on the outside of the door and locked it to ensure their privacy.

Their performance assignment was coming along great, both of them were filled with confidence even though they had minimal practice so far. They still had two weeks to achieve perfection, so they weren't worried. The choreography was pretty much finished, they only needed to continue practicing, which Jongin, personally didn't mind, because it meant he got to see Sehun all sweaty with his white tank top sticking to his chest in a manner which was frankly offensive.

The privacy meant that they could practice without distraction. It also meant they could have makeout breaks every time one of them executed a particularly complicated move with precision.

They took a lot of breaks.

Once they were all tired out, limbs sure to be more sore than Jongin's ass the next day, they walked down the streets lit by car headlights and cloudy streetlamps back to Jongin's apartment. Jongin took the time to tell Sehun that he had a little pot that he was more than willing to share if Sehun was up for it, and Sehun informed Jongin he had a grinder filled with keef in his bag and he didn't take Jongin to be a pothead.

“Well I don't do it _often_. But I like it better than getting drunk. It works quickly and efficiently and doesn't make me want to pee every five minutes.”

“Munchies are a pain in the ass though. Especially when you're too broke to buy yourself an excessive amount of food.”

“Mints, they keep the hunger at bay.”

Sehun frowned. “Seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“And you say you're not a pothead. Only a complete stoner would know something like that.”

“You're the one with the excessive keef. I don't even _own_ a grinder. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Shut up.”

“You first.”

There was a moving truck beside the side door of the building where they entered, which Jongin thought was strange, as he didn’t think too many people moved in and out of the building except during the summer, when university students were searching for apartments. Most of the non student residents had been there for several years.

They threw childish insults back and forth at each other until they were falling through Jongin's front door, the conversation dissolving into giggles.

They stopped once they reached Jongin's bedroom however.

“No offence,” Sehun said. “But the ambience in here is kind of depressing.”

Jongin nodded in agreement, it was always like this at night in his apartment when he could hear whatever was happening next door. Even though it was quiet now, the tension hung heavy, as if in anticipation of something bad happening.

“But I guess that's what drugs are for, right?”

Sehun turned out to be an excellent roller, which elicited more stoner quips from Jongin, the reactions to which he got were only sly smiles. They donned sweaters and jackets to combat the increasingly freezing night and stepped out on the balcony, sitting huddled together on the dusty floor, knees pulled up closely to their chests.

The joint lit easily, unlike the last time when Jongin's hands were shaking from fear and anxiety at having heard Kyungsoo be physically hurt.

He took two short consecutive drags, a habit of his whenever he lit, and passed the joint to Sehun who took a rather long one, and Jongin wondered how he didn't choke. Expecting the joint to be handed back to him he held out his hand, not paying attention, but Sehun grabbed his chin and turned him so their lips met in an open mouth kiss. He was further surprised when Sehun shotgunned the smoke out of his own lungs, exhaling into Jongin's mouth.  Jongin leaned his head back once Sehun let him go, the smoke wisping out of his parted lips slowly.

Sehun raised the joint to Jongin's lips and Jongin accepted it graciously, closing his eyes so the wind wouldn't blow the smoke into them. Sehun dropped his head onto Jongin's shoulder and they stayed like that for the next five minutes, passing the joint between them quietly. When they were done, Sehun, having taken the last drag, flicked it away.

Jongin could still see the lit end burning from where he was sitting. As the red died out, he felt Sehun's hand slipping between his knees and then sliding down his thigh. He smiled and bit lip as Sehun raised his head and started nibbling at a particularly sensitive spot on his neck, he knew he already had a hickey there from the night before, because he wasn't usually so affected by sensations on his neck.

He moved to climb onto Sehun's lap and brought their faces together. The kisses were kind of horrible—their mouths were so dry from the pot—so they settled for quietly giggling into each other's necks and grabbing each other wherever they could. They couldn't tell how long they had been sitting out there in the cold, their frozen fingers exploring each other over and under their clothes, hearts fluttering and shivers vibrsting through them at the casual intimacy they fell into so easily.

The high was disorienting, the sounds of the street below barely registering in their ears, and their bodies and minds were relaxed. There was no rush in their movements. They had no where to be except right where they were, and as they were, breathing in each others scents and the other smells of the day—the sweat from practicing earlier, the weed, lingering aftershave and cologne—all sensations only adding to the sweetness of lost sobriety.

Suddenly, they heard the next door balcony door slide open and Jongin looked up in time to see Kyungsoo stumble out and collapse into a corner not illuminated by the dim light on his side. Sehun was startled at the scene, even more so when Kyungsoo's sobs reached their ears. Jongin quickly scrambled to his feet, steadying himself on the railingas he ignored the head rush, and Sehun followed shortly after, dusting himself off.

“Kyungsoo?”

Kyungsoo only looked up slightly and for just a second at the two boys before turning away completely.

“Kyungsoo, please answer me. Are you okay?”

“Leave me alone.”

Jongin was reminded so much of the Friday before. But this was immensely different. The last time, Kyungsoo had gotten up and pleasantly talked to Jongin, and tried to reassure him that he was okay, even if Jongin didn't believe him. This time, Kyungsoo seemed unwilling to move from the shadows and unwilling to speak to anyone.

Jongin had learned this past week, just how stubborn and confusing Kyungsoo could be. So he chose not to argue. Instead, he unsteadily climbs over the railing. He takes off his jacket—which takes a while, because his arm gets stuck and he can't tell up from down or left from right—and places it on Kyungsoo's shaking shoulders. Then he quietly turns away and Sehun helps him back over the railing.

Still holding onto Sehun's hand, he opens the balcony door without another word and goes inside, pulling Sehun in with him.

“Is that who you've been talking about?” Sehun asks him quietly once they're in comfortable clothing and under warm blankets.

“Yeah.”

“I think I see what you mean now.”

Jongin frowned. “What do you mean?”

“That intense desire to want to help him. I felt it too. And I haven't even seen his face.”

\----

They go down to the studio again once they can't stand to keep their eyes closed anymore the next morning.

They didn't talk for too long the night before, but Jongin filled in Sehun a little on what had been going on, leaving out certain details. It probably wouldn't aid to gossip so he didn't say anything about the whole ‘I know you're married and have kids’ thing he heard Kyungsoo say, just that there had been an attempt to break up, but it hadn't apparently worked. He also left out the part where Kyungsoo came over to tell him to leave and then stayed the night—they had both agreed it could never happen again anyways and he didn't want the guilt to resurface from where he had pushed it down.

He did however express his concern about the state of Kyungsoo's mind. Saying he was okay, and not wanting to get help despite obviously knowing that he wasn't in a good place. He wouldn't have tried to end it if he wasn't at least a little aware of that.

Sehun listened to him, mostly quiet, but eliciting murmurs of agreement now and then. They fell asleep talking about it, though Jongin had wanted to talk more. Not about Kyungsoo, but about Sehun. Sehun hadn't spoken about his uncle since almost a week prior when he had shown up at Jongin's doorstep with beer they had never ended up drinking and Jongin had gotten punched in the face.

He thought to bring it up, but he didn't really know how to without feeling intrusive. True, they had used the word ‘boyfriend’ to describe each other just a day prior, but Jongin never felt comfortable inquiring about anyone's private life, and Sehun wasn't the kind of person to just go blurting out details of his life to, anyone, really. Truthfully, Jongin couldn't confidently say much about Sehun's life that didn't involve school, and he really wasn't sure how much Sehun knew about him either.

He decides to take the leap, however. The workout they receive from practice is refreshing, though their limbs are sore from the excessive hours from the night before and protest at every moment, it definitely wakes them up well and gets their blood pumping. Jongin is glad that he doesn't have to work that night. He's already keen on spending every moment possible with Sehun.

It's quite the cliché of the beginning of a relationship, he thinks. He's been spending more and more time with Sehun than with anyone else. He would never want to neglect his other friends because of a relationship but he's been in enough of them to know how important this first stage can be. It's the stage when comfort develops between two people, and they find out what makes each other the person who they are—weird ticks, pet peeves, good habits, bad habits, and definitely, things that they _may_ not be so fond of about each other.

Which is another reason that Jongin hesitates slightly when Sehun shuts off the music and sinks down to the floor for some well deserved rest. Jongin grabs two water bottles before settling down next to Sehun, passing one to him. Jongin sips silently while Sehun points out some of the parts in the choreography where they weren't in sync or points where they might have to reevaluate their positions or postures as they looked awkward or unnatural. Jongin admired his eye for detail.

When Sehun lay back and sighed, draping his arm over his eyes, Jongin thought there might not be a better time.

“So, what's going on?”

“Huh?” Sehun peeked up at him. “What do you mean?”

“How are things? With your uncle and stuff?”

“Oh,” Sehun frowns.

Jongin thinks his initial intuition about not being nosy might have been right, but that is quickly dispelled when Sehun opens up to him, without hesitation.

“I'm not really sure. He apologized after that fight. I don't think his wife noticed that I drank her alcohol but he said he knew that I wasn't doing anything wrong. He's not really an emotional person so I was surprised that he actually started tearing up when he said he didn't really know where all of his sudden suspicion was coming from.”

“What did you say?”

“Well I didn't want to come right out and say ‘Your wife is brainwashing you’ so I kept my mouth shut and just accepted the apology. He was a street fighter when he was younger so it's wise to think twice before messing with his girl ya know?”

Jongin smiled a bit. “So everything okay then?”

Sehun sighed. “I really don't know. The day after that, on Tuesday, he told me I should start looking for a new place to stay. Then on Thursday, right before I told you to meet me at the party, he told me he would be worried for me if I chose to move out, as if he'd given me a choice in the first place, which he had _not_.”

Jongin frowned as Sehun spoke. He wasn't sure if the story was really confusing or he just couldn't grasp it. It was something interesting for sure.

“And I haven't seen or heard from him since then, since I've basically been with you the whole time. Not that I mind.” Sehun smirked, nudging Jongin with his knee. “You're great company.”

Jongin laid back too, intertwining his legs with Sehun's. “You know…”

“Hmm?”

“If you'd flirted like this before, this— _us_ —might have happened sooner.”

\----

They snagged a booth in the corner of a diner that served breakfast food throughout the day, away from the windows and the counter. Scooting in on one side, Jongin's thighs trapping Sehun next to the wall securely, and ignoring the looks from the waitress at their near childish behaviour and giggling, they really couldn't have wanted to be anywhere else in that moment. They really were great, just as they were, sneaking kisses only partially hidden by the menus in front of their faces even when they weren't sure that no one was looking, and asking what the other wanted to eat but never getting a proper reply because ‘oh look! is that a real jukebox or do you think it's just for show?’ or ‘the walls are literally the colour of puke jongin _trust_ me i’ve puked plenty of times’. Eventually they ordered and soon enough their fingers were slick from greasy food and they were dabbing each other's mouths with brown napkins because licking it off might just be a little too indecent.

Just as they're about to leave, Sehun gets a text and announces that he has to go. But he insists on walking Jongin back first.

“It can wait,” he says.

“Are you sure? The way you sighed after reading that text tells me it's more important than you're making it seem.”

“Seriously, I'm sure. A detour isn't gonna kill anyone. Besides, next bus doesn't come for like half an hour.”

The moving truck from the day before was still there, but Jongin didn’t pay much attention to it, only slightly registering its presence.

They took the stairs up, knowing they were less likely to get caught sucking face than if they took the elevator. Sehun told Jongin that his flat had a really weird vibe and Jongin wasn't as offended as he supposed he could be, since he sort of understood what Sehun meant. But halfway between the third and fourth floor, they heard the door to the stairwell open from a few flights above them. They froze with their faces still close together. Footsteps followed and they managed to scramble out of their precarious embrace just as set of legs reached their field of vision and a very familiar man stopped just a few steps above them.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Sehun asked.

Jongin stared on, dumbfounded. “Professor Kim?”

“Jongin,” he greeted with a nod of his head. “This is a surprise. May I ask what you're doing in the stairwell of this building?”

“Well, uh, I—”

“He _lives_ here,” Sehun answered for him. “ _You_ don't.”

He was ignored.

“Yeah, I live here. But what are you doing here, sir?”

“Just visiting someone. Your boss, actually.”

“You and Yifan know each other?”

“Well, actually, we met for the first time that day I recognized you at the coffee shop. Let's just say I've been back a couple of times.”

He smiled at the two boys, mainly Jongin—the smile only directed at Sehun because he was standing so close to Jongin—and continued down the stairs.

When they heard the stairwell door close shut after a few minutes, Sehun finally spoke up. “He's a booty call and he knows it. That's why he's too embarrassed to take the elevator.”

“I don't know… he didn't look too embarrassed about it. Besides,” Jongin slipped his arms around Sehun's waist and pouted with purpose, “ _we’re_ hiding in the stairwell too. Does that mean _you're_ embarrassed?”

“Only when you try to be cute like that,” Sehun laughed, only getting louder when Jongin frowned at his comment. “Seriously, I can't be seen with you if there's a chance of you in talking like that in public.”

“Fine then,” Jongin pushed him away. “Don't be seen with me at all.”

Sehun pulled him back into an embrace, still laughing. “Don't talk like that. I'm going to start getting worried.”

Even though he knew Sehun was pretty much joking, he was reminded of what he had done only a few days ago.

He bowed his head, burying it into Sehun's vibrating chest and held onto him tightly. “You don't have to be worried.”

Sehun's laughter ceased, sensing Jongin's shift in mood. “I know. You don't either, just so you know.”

“I know.”

They stayed like that for a few minutes before Sehun realized he would miss his bus if he didn't run to catch it, which is exactly what he ended up doing.

\----

Jongin didn't know why he did it—drink an entire six pack alone, the same one that Sehun had brought with him a week ago but had remained untouched in his fridge—but it had to do with the fact that it was _late_ and Sehun had not texted him.

_He promised_ , Jongin thought frantically. _He'd text when he caught the bus, when he got off and then when he reached his uncle's house._ Jongin had only received two out of three of those texts. That also, several hours ago. None of his own texts got replies and he was too scared to call because he very well knew that Sehun could have just forgotten to text and then fallen asleep before he had the chance to check his messages. Calling would mean that he would either wake him up for no reason, or no one would answer, and if there was no answer, then a million horror stories about what could have happened between the bus stop and his uncle's front door would start racing through his mind and he'd go crazy.

So he tried to distract himself, but the alcohol made him tense and anxious. Sehun was right. He was a lightweight and there was nothing keeping safe from his own thoughts in the lonely moments of the night. It was too different from being drunk at a party.

Next door was quiet, and Jongin couldn't honestly tell if that was a good sign or not. He decided that it was good, because it meant one less thing to worry about. He's just drifting off to sleep when the commotion starts. At first it's faint, but it's close. He hears Kyungsoo's voice and another. By the time his senses sharpen as he enters a more awake state Kyungsoo sounds like he's crying through his words. It's still so soft, so distorted.

But the next sound he hears definitely has him awake. He is sure, _absolutely_ sure, he hears a gunshot. He so sure that he is out of bed and on the floor. He doesn't know why, but it sounded like he was hearing a fire cracker from a distance but in his drunken state he is sure, he is _so sure_ he just know it couldn't have been anything else. Because his father hunted as a hobby, and he knew what a gun with a silencer screwed on sounded like. Exactly like something that could be mistaken for far away firecrackers and in the middle of a city, that isn't so far fetched.

His heart is beating much faster than he needs it to. The lump in his throat makes him choke on his staggered breaths. All he can hear is soft crying and whimpering and he _knows_ that Kyungsoo has gotten himself into something he’ll never get out of.

The room starts spinning around him. He's definitely panicking now. The crying echoes around him and at first he's confused as to why it's so loud, but he realizes he's crying too. He's crying with Kyungsoo, right along with him. His entire sense of being is distorted. He can only just make out the sound of a door slamming loudly against a wall and then another firecracker, louder this time, before his bated breath gives up on him and he doesn't even notice consciousness slip away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to update today because I have work but those super cute vapp broadcasts murdered me and now I have no choice!!!
> 
> Jongin is honestly an angel and Suho is so adorable and Sehun is such a proud puppy dad and Chanyeol is so talented and.... well obviously I could go on....
> 
> I'm just so happy stanning this group of beautiful people and I wish I could show them how much I appreciate all of them so much.
> 
> Anyways I hope you enjoyed more cute Sekai and a bit more plot development! Things are about to get very serious and very stressful for Jongin.
> 
> Why did Sehun not text Jongin? Did Jongin really hear what he thinks he did, or was he just overreacting because he's drunk and upset? Is Professor Kim a proud booty call or an embarrassed one?
> 
> If you're confused about anything in the story so far let me know!! And I apologize for this lengthy authors note :(


	11. Maybe You Already Know

Two hours of uneasy quiet and Jongin still hadn't moved to get out of bed. He'd called in sick to work. There was no way he'd be able to handle an eight hour shift even if he did manage to get up.

He had been awake for two hours now and texted Sehun countless times. There had been no text to indicate that Sehun had gotten home safely the night before.

_Are you busy?_

_Can you come over?_

_Can I please call you right now?_

_Sehun I don't know what the hell is happening._

In the two hours he had been awake, Jongin hadn't been able to make heads or tails of what had happened the night before. His father was an avid hunter, so he knew exactly what he had heard. Guns with silencers screwed onto them aren't quiet like they are in the movies where you can only hear a faint whistling sounds. They're still fairly loud. They just don't sound _like_ guns. He understood that he was living in the heart of a major crowded city and crime was a given, but this wasn't just any random shooting—this had happened next door, he was sure of it, and his own breath had failed him as if he was the one shot.

Sehun not replying didn't help his mind collect itself either. Now he was worried about the safety of two people.

Had Kyungsoo been shot last night? Twice? If he had, it would be far too late now. Or maybe somebody else had heard and stepped in. It was impossible not to have heard. There weren't many people living on the fourth floor but all the flats were in close proximity and the walls were thin.

He should go check. Knock on Kyungsoo's door. See if there's an answer. Or maybe go talk to Minseok and Jongdae and ask them what happened. He should… if only he had the will to move.

His limbs were concrete, even just as he picked up his phone again, knowing there was no message from Sehun as it hadn't buzzed since he last put it down.

Instead of sending another text, he pressed ‘call’ and then ‘speaker’ and rest the phone on his chest. He didn't have to wait long.

“Hey this is Sehun. I can't get to the phone right now obviously so just leave a message and I'll probably never get back to you.”

Jongin swallowed thickly as he a beep indicated for him to start talking.

“Sehun… I think something really bad happened. Please call me back as soon as you hear this so I know that at least you're okay. Please.”

The call had gone straight to voicemail. Sehun's phone was either off or he was somewhere he didn't have reception. Jongin didn't like the thought of either of those possibilities.

A sharp sound rang through his apartment to his ears. Someone was knocking on his door.

 _Must be Sehun_ , he thought with relief. _Who else could it be?_

It took him a couple of minutes, but he forced his aching joints to pull him out of the bed. His entire body, every fiber of muscle, every nerve ending, was on fire. He felt like he had performed the most rigorous work out right before falling asleep and now he was sore all the way to his soul. But that hadn't been the case.

Moving felt like hell, and the knocking continued throughout the time it took him to get to the door. But it wasn't Sehun.

He took in a deep breath when he saw Kyungsoo standing in front of his doorway, not meeting his eyes until he let the breath out in a shaky sigh. Kyungsoo's gaze seemed to be searching Jongin's face for something, he could never guess what.

“Did I wake you?” Kyungsoo's voice was steady, slightly timid as usual, but gave no indication of the events that Jongin suspected took place the night before. After all, until this point he had been sure Kyungsoo had been shot, but now it seemed he had hallucinated the whole thing.

He had been drinking but he didn't think he was more than a little tipsy when he had crawled into bed, and alcohol wasn't known for causing hallucinations.

“No, you didn't.”

“May I come in?”

Jongin frowned.

“I… I know what I said,” Kyungsoo said looking away from Jongin's face again and down at his feet. “That we shouldn’t do this, but I really need to just not be alone right now.”

Jongin nodded, only half understanding, because truthfully he didn't want to be alone either, though he wasn’t sure Kyungsoo was the right person to be not alone with, since he was the reason for Jongin not knowing what the hell was happening around him anymore. He could only assume he was going insane. Either the gunshots he heard weren't real, or the man standing in front of him this very moment wasn't real. Neither was comforting.

He stepped aside to let Kyungsoo in, receiving a cute little smile in return, that had him frantically looking everywhere except Kyungsoo's face.

His heart was beating out his chest as he prepared his questions in his head, but Kyungsoo began talking first.

“I assume you're not planning on taking my advice.”

“If you mean your suggestion that I find somewhere else to live, then no. I don't plan on it.”

Kyungsoo sighed deeply. He was already lounging on one if Jongin's chairs, sitting like it was a comfortable sofa instead of thrift store trash. Jongin hesitated slightly before sitting on the other chair.

“I'm not sure how much you know—how much you've heard—but, my… boyfriend I guess… I, uh, found out that he's married. He's married and he has a kid even, and _apparently_ , I've just been his _mistress_ ,” he spits the word, scowling down at his intertwined fingers, “this whole fucking time. I don't know if I'm the only one but I must be the only one he deems it necessary to keep haunting. Even after his wife found out about me.”

Jongin listened quietly.

“She knows. He knows that she knows. He knows that _I_ know. But he's a greedy bastard. He knows he can do what he wants and he won't get into any trouble for it because every cop in the city is up his ass. Telling someone that he's harassing me even after I told him to leave me alone would only make it worse. Then the cops would just start harassing me too. That's just how the fucking justice system works.”

Jongin didn't find himself surprised at the vulgar manner Kyungsoo was speaking in, because for some reason he knew the small man had it in him to be vicious when he wanted. He felt he was staring at Kyungsoo's trembling lower lip for a little too long.

“Do you understand now?”

Jongin lifted his gaze to Kyungsoo's eyes. They were slightly hooded, as if exhausted. Jongin nodded slowly, not sure if he should say something or if Kyungsoo was going to continue.

“I did what I could, to make it better, to make it bearable. It won't get any better than how it is right now. I just have to deal with the consequences of the decisions I made to get myself here, into _this_.” The way Kyungsoo phrased his words sent bells ringing inside Jongin's brain.

 _I did what I could_.

What did he do? Jongin felt like Kyungsoo might have been telling him about decisions much more recent than whatever led him to get stuck in a relationship with an abusive married man.

He realized he hadn't yet asked about the gunshots.

“Just _listen_ to me and move before you get yourself involved in something much more than what you could ever bargain for. Please tell me you're understanding this?”

Jongin reluctantly nodded.

“Good.”

He hadn't said a word since he sat down. Kyungsoo had done all the talking while realization sunk into him. Suddenly, he was sure of what had happened, but he wasn't sure he could have spoken if he tried. His brain was settling into shock as he followed Kyungsoo to the door.

He tried not to flinch when Kyungsoo leaned up and placed a soft kiss on Jongin's cheek. Despite what he knew now, his heart still fluttered and his mouth went dry.

He closed the door behind Kyungsoo and leaned against it, slipping down onto the floor.

Kyungsoo had killed his boyfriend.

\----

_Sorry for not replying before or answering the phone. Is everything okay?_

Jongin ignored his question, partially because, no, nothing was okay, and partially because he was immensely relieved to finally hear from Sehun.

_What happened???_

He stared intently at the screen, tapping it every time it dimmed, hoping Sehun would reply as soon as possible. But his phone grew hot in his hands and he sighed before locking it and putting it down. He got a reply half an hour later.

_Don't worry about it right now. What was happening with you earlier?_

Jongin chewed harshly on his bottom lip, thinking of what to say.

_Got drunk, bad dream, sorry for worrying you. Please tell me what happened. Was it something to do with your uncle?_

Thankfully, the reply was much faster this time.

_Seriously don't worry. We’ll talk face to face monday, okay?_

He didn't want to stop worrying, but he reluctantly sent back a text of agreement. He also didn't want to wait till tomorrow to see Sehun. He wanted to see him right away.

_Btw… send me your landlords number? I think I'll be needing it now._

Jongin was surprised. Sehun seemed like he really wanted to work it out with his uncle, so something must have upset him enough to make him want to move. On the other hand, Sehun moving into his building meant he could see him more often.

He had been just about to head out when he'd gotten Sehun's first text, but gotten delayed when waiting for replies. He quickly sent Sehun the number and pulled on his shoes. He didn't have to go far—literally just down the corridor. He wasn't even sure if anyone would be home, but it was early Sunday evening, so it might be his best chance. He knocked softly on the door, not really sure about what he was going to accomplish. He was even ready to abandon his mission altogether, having half turned to leave, when the door swung open and revealed an annoyed looking Jongdae.

He regarded Jongin, who knew he probably looked like shit, with an eyebrow raised.

“Can I help you?” His tone of voice, to Jongin's relief, didn't sound as annoyed as his face looked.

“Um, can we talk?”

“About?”

“Kyungsoo.”

Jongdae, eyebrow still raised, crossed his arms over his chest. “You have to be quiet. Minseok is sleeping.”

Jongin nodded and Jongdae dropped his pissed off expression as he opened the door wider and let Jongin in.

The apartment was extremely homey. It was tidy and looked lived in, unlike Jongin's barely furnished one. While his cold white walls were bare, with paint peeling off in a few odd places, Jongdae and Minseoks were a creamy colour, with the yellow incandescent lights giving the place a warm glow and decorated with frames—some with pictures and some with varying, official looking certificates. He spotted Minseoks medical school degree and was impressed—it was one thing to know that he was a doctor and another to see something that officialized it. Then he saw something else.

“You're a computer engineer?” He looked to where he thought Jongdae was last—right in front of him—but the man had disappeared.

His head appeared from behind the partition that Jongin assumed separated the kitchen and the living room.

“What? Did you think I was just a gold digger? That Minnie is my sugar daddy?”

“Um… no…” If he was being honest, it had been a passing thought. Doctors make a lot of money, right?

Jongdae motioned for him to sit. He obliged.

Less than a minute later, Jongdae set down a cup of coffee in front of him. Jongin thanked him as he rubbed his clammy palms together. _What am I doing here?_

“If you're wondering why a doctor and an engineer live in such a tiny, cheap place, wonder no more, because I'm about to tell you.” _Is he avoiding the topic of Kyungsoo?_ From their limited past conversations, Jongin would have guessed that Minseok might do that, but Jongdae had seemed to want to question him about it before.

“So, firstly, a resident doctor doesn't make as much as you would think. It's still technically educational training you know, but Minseok works hard. It won't be long until he's rolling in the big bucks,” Jongdae rambled quietly, being mindful of his boyfriend sleeping nearby. “Secondly, the job market for engineering is _bullshit_ these days. Don't become an engineer kid. You'll end up homeless, _or worse_ , working a dead end job at some tech store. Of course that won't happen to me, because I'm _really good_. Got a low level position at a big company now, but I'm just starting out. Just you wait and see, I have this idea—this winning lottery ticket kind of idea—and if I can just get approval from the higher ups—”

“No offense,” as much as he would have liked to hear ambitious ramblings from Jongdae any other day—however he wasn't so sure he would have any other day either—he really just wanted to talk about Kyungsoo, “can you please just tell me what's going on instead of trying to distract me?”

Jongdae sighed. He took a few heavy gulps of his piping hot coffee before setting the mug down on the coffee table. “It's complicated.”

 _No shit_. “I get that. But I'm gonna need to know a little more.”

“You don't _need_ to know anything.”

“He used to be your friend right?”

“Honestly, you should just move. Forget about Kyungsoo, everything you've heard, seen, whatever. Save yourself the trouble.”

“He used to be your friend,” Jongin repeated, “right?”

Jongdae’s expression was guarded, but his lips were slightly pursed, giving away his thoughts. He was obviously reluctant to talk about this with Jongin. But he eventually nodded. “We were friends, yes.”

“What happened? What made you abandon him?”

Jongdae scoffed. “What makes you think we _abandoned_ him?!”

Jongin felt heat rising to his cheeks “I-I’m sorry. That was poor wording on my part. I didn't mean it like that.”

“Damn right you didn't.” Jongdae picked up his coffee and leaned back in his seat.

“He pushed you away, didn't he?”

Jongdae reluctantly nodded again. “Not by choice. It wasn't his fault. He did what he could. He did what he had to do.”

Again, the wording struck Jongin.

Kyungsoo did what he _could_.

_He did what he had to do._

Only this time, Jongin had already figured out what Kyungsoo had done. Now, he was wondering if Jondgae knew too. He'd be wondering if Yixing knew as well.

_Is that why there haven't been any cops around? Are they somehow protecting him?_

Jongin knew, especially from reading he had to do for his studies, that it wasn't easy to hide things from the cops, and Kyungsoo had told him himself that his boyfriend knew cops somehow so wouldn't they be wondering where he was? Wouldn't his family be, at least, in the process of filing a missing persons report? The only logical explanation, according to what Jongin was slowly trying to piece together, is that Kyungsoo had help.

He suddenly wished that Sehun was there with him. He regretted lying to him earlier.

Jongin wasn't sure he wanted to sit there with Jongdae anymore, not if he was an accomplice to a murder. Strangely enough however, his want to be with Sehun was overlapping with his intense need to be in Kyungsoo's presence right now, despite him being the alleged murderer.

He wanted to go confront him. Yell at him. Tell him that when he said that there were options, this wasn't what he had meant at all. He also wanted to comfort him, he couldn't begin to imagine what Kyungsoo must be feeling, what he had to go through to be driven to such extremes. He wanted Kyungsoo to be okay, and most surprising of all, especially considering his aversion to crime like this, he didn't want to see Kyungsoo face any consequences.

Softly muttering that he had to go now, Jongin stood up. Jongdae only shrugged his shoulders, continuing to sip from his coffee. As Jongin turned to go to the door, his eyes were met with the sight of Minseoks bare, flexed chest and abdomen and low hanging sweatpants, as he stretched, coming out of what Jongin could only assume was the bedroom. Jongin averted his eyes, he would not have guessed that someone with cheeks like Minseoks that would have a body like _that_.

Minseok scratched his head sleepily. “Oh, Jongin. I had no clue you were here. Sorry about my state right now. Night shifts at the hospital take a toll on a person after a while.”

Jongin gave him a shy smile. “I'm sorry for disturbing you. I hope I wasn't the one to wake you up.”

“No don't worry about.” Minseok glanced at his boyfriend, still sitting with a sour expression. “May I ask what's going on?”

“Jongin was just wondering if you were my sugar daddy and if so, how he could get in on the deal.” Jongdae said, smiling sweetly now. “Of course I told him there was plenty of you to go around.”

Minseok grinned. “Don't tease the poor boy. He already looks like the ground is going to swallow him up.”

Jongin wished it would, so he would no longer have to experience this moment. 

He was about to reply to Minseoks earlier question with the proper answer, but Jongdae got to his feet quickly, setting the mug down next to Jongin's untouched one. “I'll walk you out.”

"See you around, Jongin," Minseok said as Jongdae pushed him, to be fair, gently towards the door.

He opened the door for Jongin and spoke in a lowered voice as Jongin crossed the doorway. “Minseok doesn't like talking about Kyungsoo too much. He isn't very happy about what happened, and truthfully, he'd just like to forget about it. We all would.”

 _So he knows about it too?_ Jongin internally groaned at how complicated things were getting.

"Stay out of trouble," Jongdae told him and then closed the door.

The short walk back to his own flat was despairingly bleak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as promised, a much more serious and plot directed chapter than the last few which were focusing on establishing Sekai's relationship and Kaisoo's complications. Now that I feel like I've set the characters up fairly well (at least I hope so) and the dynamics between them aren't as vague as the beginning of the story I can move on to the main plot I had planned for the story in the first place!
> 
> Almost all the important characters have been introduced (I say almost because I'm sure you've noticed Luhan is still missing) and their roles will become clearer in the next few chapters. There will be a couple of chapters that will be primarily from Kyungsoo's perspective and one chapter from Sehun's perspective as well in the near future so look forward to those! 
> 
> Let me know your theories and whether you'd like to know if they're correct or not.... and if you are correct I could.... idk maybe write a one shot with a pairing and prompt of your choice? Or like virtually pat you on the back haha
> 
> Lastly, it might take me up to a week to post the next update. Hopefully not that long but a lot of stuff is happening that I need to deal with before I can write without distraction. Thank you for reading! And enjoy the comeback :D


	12. The You Whom I Cannot See (Cannot Hear)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Earlier update than I was planning but I had a shitty day and writing was extremely therapeutic..... that being said, chapter 13 may take a while oops :)

Twenty two minutes and thirty eight seconds. That's exactly how late Sehun was when he finally arrived to the only class they shared on Mondays. Jongin knew because he was staring intently at the clock in the front of the room, counting every second that passed, when he heard the doors squeak open loudly, and his attention, as well as everyone else's, was directed to the boy walking in.

Sehun was reprimanded by the professor and he apologized before making his way to the back where he knew Jongin would be waiting.

Jongin could only stare as Sehun sat down next to him without a word. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He tried to direct his eyes and attention to the front, but he couldn't help but steal glances. His vision blurred several times as he fought back tears and Sehun had to have noticed, because he felt a hand on his own curled up, trembling fist. Sehun coaxed his fist open and intertwined their fingers, rubbing his thumb over the back of Jongin's hand.

When the lecture ended, they took their time packing up, being the last to leave. Sehun pulled Jongin away from crowded hallways.

They were in an empty stairwell when they finally stopped and their eyes met properly for the first time since Sehun had left him a few days ago (in an entirely different stairwell).

Jongin reached up to ghost his fingers over Sehun's swollen eye. Sehun's eyelids fluttered shut and he let out a sigh when he felt Jongin's cold fingertips pressing lightly against them.

“I'm fine.”

Jongin moved his fingers away. “You don't look fine.”

Sehun opened his eyes again. He really didn't look fine. He looked just as bad as Kyungsoo the night Jongin had met him for the first time. Only Sehun's wounds were older, already blackened and not showing any sign of fading.

“My uncle…. I don't know what happened. It went down so fast, I didn't even have time to react, so defending myself was out of the question. At least he had the decency to drop me off at the hospital afterwards, though he did drive off pretty fast.”

“The hospital?!”

“Jongin it's really not that bad. I stayed there Saturday night and part of Sunday. Really the only things that were keeping me there were a very mild concussion and bruised ribs but I got cleared to leave so I'm okay.”

Jongin looked away. “Where did you sleep last night? Don't tell me you went back there.”

“I crashed at a friends place.”

He shook his head. “I can't believe you didn't come to me.”

“I didn't want to worry—”

“Keeping things like this from me is what worries me! You have no clue what it felt like, when I was _literally_ counting the seconds till I could see you, and instead of being happy, all I can feel is confused and angry and _worried_.”

Sehun stayed quiet. He tried to pull Jongin to him but Jongin stepped away from his grasp. A hurt expression took over Sehun's features.

“Don't you trust me?” Jongin asked him. “Enough to let me take care of you?”

“Of course I do, Jongin,” Sehun said, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around Jongin. He wasn't met with resistance this time, so he buried his face into Jongin's neck. “Believe me when I say, that the only reason that I didn't come to you was because you're the last person I want to be a burden to.”

Jongin threaded his fingers into Sehun's hair, rubbing his head softly. Sehun hummed a deep, hot breath onto the skin of Jongin's throat. “You'll stay with me until you get your own place. Understand?”

Sehun stood up straight. They were still wound in each other’s embrace. “Understood. But…”

“But nothing. I won't _let you_ stay with anyone else.”

“No, it's not like that. I just mean that I'm going to go back home for a few days first. I just really want to see my mom.”

Jongin nodded and kissed Sehun slow, long and soft until the loud clearing of a throat made them pull apart abruptly.

Professor Kim stood between them and the stair well door. It was a wonder that they hadn't heard anything until the professor had called for their attention.

“I'm fairly certain the two of you should be in class. Though I understand that this is a university and you're adults and therefore no one can _force_ you to attend your lectures and classes I highly recommend that you do considering how much you're paying for them.”

Jongin wanted to point out that he had a scholarship but then he quickly realized that smart mouthing a professor likely wasn't a very, well, _smart_ thing to do. Besides, not attending class meant lower grades which meant no more scholarship for him anyways. So he just avoided eye contact with his mentor, not failing to notice, that as he was looking anywhere but Professor Kim, Sehun was staring the man down.

He dared to sneak a glance at the professor and noticed he was meeting Sehun's challenging gaze with equal intensity, an eyebrow raised at the boys current appearance.

Jongin really wanted the moment to end.

“Uh, sorry Professor Kim. We’ll be going now.”

Jongin tugged on Sehun's arm to make him move and pulled him around the professor and through the door.

\----

“Aw you guys are practically matching now,” Baekhyun said, after the initial shock of seeing Sehun's state died down.

Jongin realized they must have looked like quite the pair at the moment. Him with his still dark, but now fairly yellowed bruise that had initially taken up majority of the center of his face, and Sehun with his black eye, two small stitches on his forehead and a black brace on his left hand— _sprained, not broken_ , he had explained to Jongin when Jongin had reprimanded him for trying to carry anything with it.

“Baek, don't be rude,” Chanyeol scolded.

“Sorry,” Baekhyun said, smiling sheepishly. “It's pathetically cute, though.”

“Baek!”

“What?!” He turned to face Chanyeol next to him. “It is!”

“You just called them pathetic!”

“But I also called them _cute_.”

Jongin chose to let their bickering be filtered into background noise as he caught Sehun laughing quietly to himself. Technically, Sehun had class, but it seemed he was indirectly rebelling against Professor Kim by skipping the rest of his day and sticking to Jongin like glue.

“Imagine this,” Jongin said softly, “but every day, for three years. That's what high school was for me.”

“Must have been great,” Sehun replied. “You're lucky to have friends like them.”

“I know.” Jongin scrunched up his nose. “If only they talked less.”

“We heard that!”

“You know what,” Baekhyun pouted, “you're not cute anymore. Just pathetic.”

“I agree,” Chanyeol grumbled.

Jongin smirked. He knew he wouldn't trade them for anyone else.

 ----

Jongin arrived home late that evening. He had accompanied Sehun to his uncle's house to pack some of his things. His uncle wasn't home, but his wife was.

It was when they closed the door of Sehun's room that Sehun told Jongin that the wife had accused Sehun of coming onto her, which was why his uncle had gone nuts. Jongin had almost gone up to her to give her a piece of his mind but Sehun chose to start changing his clothes at that very moment and he was distracted by the bruises littering his torso. The one on his chest were especially concerning.

“Aren't you supposed to ice bruised ribs?”

Sehun frowned. “I guess so? I wasn't really paying attention when the doctor was talking. I was on _a lot_ of pain medication. It was amazing.”

“You should get a cold pack before getting on the bus. And promise you'll rest when you get home.”

“Sure, mom.”

“Shut up. I'm serious.”

Sehun grinned and bent to pick up a shirt and retracted back to standing quickly holding onto his side. His smile disappeared as his face contorted in pain. Jongin rushed to his side.

“You're probably right.”

“Of course I am,” Jongin said. He guided Sehun to the bed, as Sehun recovered from the sharp spasm of pain. “How bad is it?”

“Not too bad. Just the worst thing out of all my injuries. Twisting around, bending, breathing too deeply, that kinda stuff hurts, but otherwise it's kind of like a backache except in my chest.”

“Just tell me what to pack. I'll do it for you.”

So Jongin packed as Sehun directed him. Only enough for a few days at his parents place. They left everything else, choosing to deal with it later. Sehun finished getting dressed, slowly this time, once he was sure that moving too much wouldn't incapacitate him again.

Jongin carried the bag for him to the bus stop. Only handing it over when Sehun absolutely had to get on, this also only after confirming that his parents were definitely picking him up from the bus station and he wasn't going to be bussing or walking to his house carrying a heavy bag.

They had also stopped at a pharmacy to get a cold pack and Sehun promised him he'd use it on the bus ride. He gently hugged Sehun goodbye and stood there until the bus left and he had one last chance to wave until he couldn't anymore.

There was still light outside when he got to his building. The moving truck that had been parked near the back of the building for the past few days was gone.

Once inside, he pressed the arrow pointing up to call for the elevator.

When the elevator arrived, Minseok got out, dressed in olive coloured scrubs, white long sleeved shirt underneath, rolled up to his elbows. Jongin blushed involuntarily, remembering what Jongdae had joked about the night before.

“Another night shift?” he asked after they greeted each other.

Minseok smiled and nodded. “Can't complain. It's good experience.”

Jongin smiled back and was about to get into the elevator when Minseok reached out and stopped him by grabbing onto his forearm.

“Can I talk to you for a quick second?”

Jongin nodded. “Sure.”

“About the conversation you had with Jongdae last night—”

“Whatever he said, I _swear_ he's lying—”

“Relax,” Minseok laughed. “I meant about Kyungsoo.”

“Oh.” That might be worse.

“Listen, Jongdae and I met Kyungsoo during our undergraduate years. It's been awhile since then.”

“So you know him well then?”

“We do. Or did, at least. Whatever goes on with him now, we could never begin to understand or explain it. We might not speak anymore, but Jongdae and I never stopped caring about him. Which is why, you should believe us when we say there's no helping him. No saving, no protecting, nothing. Things are the way they are and they won't change. We've tried. And we only broke our own hearts in the end. Stay away from him. I'm sure he's told you the same, right?”

Jongin nodded.

Minseok pat his shoulder lightly and gave him a small smile. “Take care, alright? Stay out of trouble.”

Jongin called for the elevator again as Minseok left. He didn't know if it was Sehun rubbing off on him, or something else, but like Sehun skipping classes just because Professor Kim said he should be in them, he felt the urge to do the exact opposite of what Minseok was telling him to do.

Minseok seemed like a great person, and truthfully, he knew it must have been difficult for him to talk about it with him considering what Jongdae had said to him, but Jongin knew he could never leave Kyungsoo alone. He had already decided the night before to confront him.

Before he even goes into his own apartment, he knocks on Kyungsoo's door. There is no initial reply. He knocks again.

Nothing.

He reached out, not hesitating for the first time. The second his hand touched the cold metal of the handle, he retracted it. He didn't know what he expected. Maybe he had thought it would burn him. He pushed the stupid thoughts out of his head. He reached out again, pulling the handle down and pushing. Of course, it was locked. Again, he didn't know what he had expected.

He decides to do something he hadn't in a long time.

He searched his pockets, huffing in frustration when they came up empty. Going back into his own flat, he rummaged his desk drawer before procuring an orange coloured paperclip. Then he flicked through the cards in his wallet before he found an old library card.

It wasn't his first time picking a lock, he wasn't an expert but he knew the basics. This wasn't the most secure building either, so it shouldn't be difficult. But he was struggling, the paperclip continuously getting stuck half way.

He pulled it out. The orange plastic that was covering the metal was tearing up. Sighing, Jongin sat with his back to the door. He stuck the paper clip in his mouth and chewed on the plastic, trying to weaken it so he could pull it off and continue with his, technically illegal, activities.

A couple of minutes later he was spitting out pieces of orange plastic and wiggling the paperclip in the key hole once again. It was no longer getting stuck, and he had hope. It only took a few minutes of the magic of the paperclip in the key hole and library card slotted between the door and the frame to help slide the lock before he heard the telltale click that told him the door was finally unlocked. He had no way of knowing if Kyungsoo was even in there. He had no clue what he would find. He was desperately praying it wouldn't be some sort of crime scene.

He just knew that he had come this far, and he couldn't back down now.

Slowly, he got to his feet and wrapped his fingers around the handle. The metal turned warm before he convinced himself to turn the knob and push inward.

A single jacket, a familiar jacket. That's all there was lying in the middle of the room. No furniture, no carpet, nothing. There was no possibility that a person could live here. Yet he could see his jacket, the jacket he had put on Kyungsoo's shoulders, on the floor of the empty flat. He couldn't find it in him to go any further than the door frame, not even to retrieve the clothing.

He started to connect a few in things in his head. The moving van had been there since the night he had heard Kyungsoo relay his knowledge about his boyfriend's other life. He must have been planning this since then. He must have been slowly moving his things out so he could make a quick break for it. Which means it couldn't have been self defence. Kyungsoo had planned to commit murder.

And Jongin still only wanted to protect him.

Kyungsoo had come to see him the next day, too. He must have already been out of there by then, but he had come to talk to Jongin. He didn't know how he felt about that. It would have been risky considering the situation. Just making a run for it without turning back would have been the best way to leave. He shouldn't have come back.

He is, however slightly distraught that Kyungsoo was gone. He wanted reason to believe that what he was thinking wasn't true. But it seemed it was. Still, all he wanted, for some reason, was to help. He wondered how long it would take for the police to come asking around. Definitely not long.

He already knew that he would lie, even though, in any other case, he'd have been strongly against it.

\----

Exhausted from the emotionally stressful day, he throws in the towel early. Just as he's drifting off he hears a knock. It's always in the moments he least wants to move that he has no choice.

What he doesn't expect is to meet large hooded eyes looking up at him as he tries to assess what is happening.

“What are you doing here?”

“Do you want me to go?” Despite saying that, he pushed his way past Jongin and into the apartment. He's holding the jacket. The jacket that Jongin saw just a few hours prior.

“Kyungsoo… it's dangerous for you to be around here now.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I'm talking about.” Jongin closed the door.

“I really don't.”

“You killed someone. The cops are going to be looking for you.”

Kyungsoo tilted his head at Jongin. “What?”

“No matter how hard you try to cover it up. The police always find something. You need to go.”

“You think I killed someone?” Jongin hesitantly nodded. “Who, exactly, do you think I killed?”

“Your boyfriend,” Jongin says quietly.

A grin splits Kyungsoo's face and he bursts into laughter that sounds suspiciously like giggling.

_Why is he laughing?_

_Am I wrong?_

The giggling is infectious. Jongin wants to laugh too, but he's just too confused. As soon as he's about to give in, Kyungsoo sinks onto his knees and the laughter dissolves into sobs. He buries his face into Jongin's jacket and the tears don't seem to showing any signs of stopping soon. Jongin gets down next to him, slightly panicked at the turn of events, and wraps his arms around Kyungsoo's shaking shoulders. Eventually, Kyungsoo calms down to soft sniffles and pulls away from Jongin.

Jongin studies his face. Kyungsoo looks absolutely distraught, but after a few moments he wipes his eyes and looks at Jongin, face betraying only slightly less emotion than before.

“Oh boy, don’t I wish I’d killed him. At least before he had the chance to kill me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if it's boring or confusing I tried different ways to phrase the whole reveal and ended up with this. Let me know if you figured it all out and what your reaction to this is. And if you haven't figured it out completely I would love to know what you anticipate all this means! People in the comments did guess pretty well :)
> 
> Next two or three chapters will be following Kyungsoo's perspective to show how he got to this point. It will be structured a little differently than the rest of the story, as it will start on a Sunday and end on a Saturday and it'll be divided into sections based on the days. So that way perhaps you'll be able to connect it to Jongin's story line (if I haven't made any major continuity errors).
> 
> I won't talk anything major about the plot because majority of it will be explained soon but if there is confusion let me know so that way I know everything that I need to clear up and I can do it within the story.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	13. Turn Back the Clock (Kyungsoo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The italics in the Monday section are referencing back to Sunday.
> 
> For the sake of this story can we please pretend Suho isn't a smol person and disregard the fact that Luhan is taller than him? Please and thank you :D

**Sunday**

A year of his life was wasted waiting. The worst part was that he actually believed in the sliver of hope that all that waiting wouldn't be for nothing. Boyfriend. That's what Junmyeon called him, but treated him like anything but. He rarely stayed the night. They never went out. And Kyungsoo had been so blinded thus far that he never questioned why.

Until he did.

He suspected a lot of things. He suspected that he didn't mean as much to Junmyeon as Junmyeon meant to him. He suspected that perhaps there were others that Junmyeon treated the same way, but he felt special enough in Junmyeon's presence that he didn't really care. All because he was stupid enough to hope.

But this changed things. This threw hope out the window. There was no way Kyungsoo could get past this. A wife? A _kid?_ And yet he was fucking around with Kyungsoo.

He hadn't minded when the only thing that could have gotten them into trouble was the fact that Junmyeon was a professor and he was a student. Kyungsoo was a music student, Junmyeon was criminology professor, it wasn't that bad. There was no conflict of interest. Kyungsoo guessed that's why Junmyeon chose him to mess with, and it had been truthfully exciting. But now there was only guilt. It wasn't even his fault, but he was shouldering all of the guilt Junmyeon should have been feeling. It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair to his family, and it wasn't fair to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo knew what he needed to do.

But when Junmyeon showed up later with lunch, he couldn't do it. Because there it was again. That hope. He had to extinguish it.

“Let's go out for lunch.”

Junmyeon laughed at him. “What for? I got us lunch right here.”

“It's a Sunday. People go out on the weekends.”

“We don't.”

“Why don't we?”

“Isn't our one year anniversary coming up?”

That's right. One year. Junmyeon had kept this up for almost a year and Kyungsoo couldn't figure out how.

“Do you even consider us as a couple? How can we celebrate a year of us being a couple if we never do anything couples do?”

“We don't have to be a _normal_ couple.”

“What if I'd rather be with someone that does want to be a normal couple? Someone that doesn't only talk to me behind closed doors. Did you think I would never question that?”

Junmyeon had his back facing Kyungsoo. He stopped what he was doing—taking the take out boxes out of the paper bags he’d brought with him—and sighed. “Just shut up and sit down Kyungsoo. We’re not going out, and you're not going to question anything.”

Kyungsoo listens to him, feeling like a failure. He should have broken it off before Junmyeon had a chance to step inside the apartment. Instead he selfishly complained. Looking at him now, Kyungsoo didn't know how he got himself stuck like this. Why had he ever agreed to start seeing Junmyeon in the first place?

“Did you go next door today?”

Kyungsoo looked up from his food. “What?”

“You went next door, didn’t you?”

“For a while,” Kyungsoo replied, not knowing where Junmyeon was going with this. “In the morning.”

“What for?”

“To talk. With my _friend_.”

“Well, don’t. I don’t like him.”

Kyungsoo frowned down at his plate. His next door neighbour was the opposite of a threat in every way. _Why doesn’t Junmyeon like him?_

He felt a hand on his chin force his gaze back up.

“Did you hear what I just said?”

Kyungsoo nodded.

“Good.” Junmyeon kept the hold on his chin as he brought their faces together, biting down harshly onto Kyungsoo’s bottom lip in a rough kiss. Kyungsoo pulled back in surprise, wincing as he touched his lip and then looked down at the blood staining his fingertip. “I hope I won’t have to repeat it.”

Kyungsoo stared at him in disbelief, wondering if Junmyeon knew what he knew and if that was the reason he was acting like this. Or if Kyungsoo was only noticing what he was noticing now, because of what he knew.

**Monday**

The next day, Kyungsoo loitered outside his apartment with confidence, but as the minutes past, the confidence depleted, being replaced with dread.

Minseok and Jongdae had asked him what he was doing, why he was pacing the way he was out in the hallway, but he waved away their confused looks with transparent excuses. They reluctantly left him there. He caught them looking back at him, but he didn’t want to burden them with his issues—not until he had sorted things out. He swore under his breath and sat down with his back against his door. The pacing had been doing nothing to calm his anxiety.

Luhan also arrived before Junmyeon, but didn’t speak to Kyungsoo, only sparing him a glance before entering into the apartment right beside him. Kyungsoo didn’t blame him, after the conversation they had had the morning before, he wouldn’t want to talk to himself either. He was still wondering how Junmyeon had known that he had gone to talk to Luhan. But everything was dispelled from his mind when he heard the elevator doors opening for the third time since he’d been out in the hallway.

He stood as Junmyeon approached him, a soft smile on his angelic face.

“Please, no,” he whispered harshly as Junmyeon greeted him and leant down to give him a kiss. He took a large step back and held out his arm, palm out, keeping Junmyeon away from him. “Just stay there.”

The smile dropped and Junmyeon raised a brow at him. “Don’t be difficult, Kyungsoo. What do you think you’re doing?”

“I don’t know. I- I think… I think I’m breaking up with you.”

“You think?” Junmyeon scoffed at him. “When did that start happening?”

“Don’t talk to me like that! I can’t do this anymore. You have no right to treat me like this, or _anyone_.”

“Cut the bullshit and tell me what’s going on. I’m not in the mood to be patient.”

“I _know_ , Junmyeon. Everything.”

A dark look settled on Junmyeon’s features. “I highly doubt that.”

“You’ve always doubted me, but I—”

He was cut off as Junmyeon grabbed his arm. Pushing the door open, he pulled Kyungsoo inside and shut it loudly. Kyungsoo found himself pressed against the door, the handle digging into the small of his back painfully.

“You don’t know anything.”

Kyungsoo used every ounce of strength in him to push Junmyeon off him. “I know about your wife, your _daughter_.”

Junmyeon didn’t reply, so he went on.

“I can guess why you can’t put my feelings into consideration—I’m probably nothing to you—but what about them? They’re your family!”

Junmyeons face suddenly softened, taking on it’s usual angelic presence. “You’re not nothing, Kyungsoo. You’re my everything. Why else do you think I’d keep this up for so long?”

“Because you’re sick,” Kyungsoo replied quietly.

“No,” Junmyeon tried to reach for him but he sent a threatening look that made the older man back off, just a bit. “It’s because I care about you more than anyone else. They don’t mean anything to me Kyungsoo.”

“How can you say that?!” He hissed. “I want you out.”

Junmyeon looked like his eyes were welling up with tears, but Kyungsoo knew they couldn’t possibly be real. “I’ll die without you.”

“I don’t care!” Kyungsoo yelled. “Get your shit out. I want it all gone tomorrow or I’ll throw it off the fucking balcony.”

Junmyeon seemed to accept his fate, his head hanging low. Kyungsoo moved out of the way, taking a deep breath when the door finally closed behind the biggest mistake of his life.

\----

Kyungsoo was hesitant in knocking, but he had to patch things up.

\----

_It had been early morning when he had set out, wanting to know if what he had been suspecting was true. He took a cab to the neighbourhood he had followed Junmyeon to on Saturday, the night prior, and waited near a small, empty, children's playground. Soon enough, a familiar face came out of the house across the street. He waited until Junmyeon got in his car and drove away before he made his way to the house on shaky legs._

_A young woman answered the door when he rang the bell, looking like it hadn’t been very long since she had woken up. She wrapped her robe tighter around her as she regarded him with a confused expression._

_“Can I help you?”_

_“Yes, um, is Jun— I mean, Professor Kim, here?” He asked, hoping she wouldn’t see through him._

_“He just left. You are?”_

_“One of his students. Sorry to bother you, you must be his…”_

_“Wife,” she smiled at him. His heart sunk into his stomach._

_Before he could reply, a small girl with pigtails bound into his view and tugged on the woman's robe._

_“Mommy I can’t find my shoes,” she said quietly._

_“They should be in the closet by the staircase, honey,” Junmyeons wife turned away from him to look down at her daughter._

_He couldn’t be there anymore. He turned around and walked away as fast as he could, tears not yet threatening to spill. He didn’t know why he was in shock. This was exactly what he had been expecting. Still, he had hung on to that hope…_

_And what a stupid thing to do that was._

_He had gone straight to Luhan afterwards. It was still fairly early in the morning, but he knew Luhan would be awake._

_They had known each other for almost four years now, going to the same university and being in the same program. Junmyeon only knew him as Kyungsoo’s classmate and neighbour. They had grown incredibly distant once Kyungsoo had started seeing Junmyeon, because Luhan didn’t like the professor at all. They fought about it often, only getting along when neither of them breached the subject. Now Kyungsoo didn’t know what he would say to him, or if he should even say anything at all._

_He was let in the minute Luhan caught sight of his wrecked expression. He didn’t ask Kyungsoo what was wrong right away, instead just letting Kyungsoo talk to him._

_After the third time that Kyungsoo repeated his question about anything new in Luhan's life, it seemed his neighbour, his_ friend _, had had enough._

_“You know you can talk to me about anything right?”_

_Kyungsoo nodded. “But there’s nothing to talk about.”_

_Luhan shook his head. “Sure there isn’t. It has to do with that boyfriend of yours doesn’t it. I told you this when he approached you that first time, Kyungsoo. He’s trouble. You should have stayed away.”_

_Anger surged inside Kyungsoo. It wasn’t at Luhan, it was at Junmyeon, for doing this to him, and at himself, for being so stupid. But it ended up directed at Luhan anyways. There was no one else around for him to pin the blame to as it came bursting out of him._

_“What do you know? Huh? You never had anything against him until he started flirting with_ me _instead of_ you _. Stop pretending you know everything about us. You’re just jealous so mind your own business.”_

 _Luhans mouth hung open as he stared back at Kyungsoo. “Kyungsoo, you do realize that_ you _knocked on_ my _door this morning, right? Not the other way around.”_

_“I didn’t come here for relationship advice from someone who’s seen with a different guy every week.”_

_Luhans eyebrows knitted together at that comment. “Don’t talk about my business after telling me to stay out of yours. You know I’ve only ever tried to look out for you.”_

_“By antagonizing my boyfriend every chance you had?”_

_Luhan scoffed. “Is that why you never properly introduced us? Because you knew I’d call him out on his bullshit?”_

_“Shut up!” It wasn’t fair for him to treat Luhan like this, especially since his friend had been so right, and he had been so wrong to continually dismiss him._

_“You don’t have to sit here and listen to me! No one is stopping you from leaving!”_

_No one was, and even though leaving was the last thing he wanted to do, he got up and did just that. A last effort to save his pride. What was left of it anyways._

\----

So he found himself standing in front of Luhan's apartment about an hour after Junmyeon left. He had taken that time to calm himself down and plan what he would say. Luhan wasn’t the ‘I told you so’ type, but Kyungsoo wasn’t all that great at apologies. He needed to keep in mind that he was in the wrong.

But when Luhan opened the door, he couldn’t say anything at first. Luhan remained quiet too, which was a clear indication that he was pissed about what had happened Sunday morning. Kyungsoo hung his head and shut his eyes for a few seconds. Tears slipped through his lashes as his mind went blank. He didn’t know where to start.

He started blurting out everything he could think of. He hoped what he was saying was making sense, he only sounded like a blubbering mess to himself. He thinks he mentions what he had discovered the day before, he hopes he apologizes for all of his wrongdoings towards Luhan. He doesn’t notice when Luhan pulls him inside and holds him till his shoulders stop shaking and he’s only slightly sniffing into Luhan's shoulder.

“I know, Kyungsoo, I know.”

“You do…?” Kyungsoo asked quietly.

“I heard everything earlier, through the walls. I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo only cuddled his head firmly into Luhan's chest instead of replying.

“I wish you’d never met him.”

Kyungsoo looked up at Luhan. His eyes were closed and his jaw was tense.

“I wish you’d never gone out with him. I wish you’d never believed anything he said.”

 _I wish I’d believed you_. Kyungsoo wanted to say it out loud. But Luhan kept going.

“I wish you weren’t so stupid sometimes. I wish you’d just stayed. With me.”

“Luhan…”

“I would never have hurt you like this. I wouldn’t dream of it, even now.”

Kyungsoo reached up as far as he could in Luhans tight hold to finally give Luhan what Kyungsoo didn’t realize was what his friend had been waiting for all this time.

It was sloppy, their tears mixing with the saliva shared between them didn’t exactly make it appealing, but there was so much relief in the breaths they heaved into each others bodies. Luhan pulled away and pressed his forehead to Kyungsoo’s.

“You were right,” he sighed.

Kyungsoo frowned. “Don’t mock me. Especially knowing I was wrong. About everything.”

“Fine, you were half right. About what you said yesterday. I was jealous. But not of you. Not because he chose you instead of me or any shit like that.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I was jealous of him, because I spent three years trying to win your affections, and it took him only a week to get you into bed.”

Kyungsoo pulled out of his grasp.

“I- I’m sorry. Kyungsoo, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You think I’m that easy?”

“Obviously not. I did just say ‘three years’ didn’t I?”

“Well, then you’re wrong.” He caught Luhan by the shirt and pulled him in for another kiss, this one less sloppy, less salty than the first. He pulled away and brought his mouth close to Luhan's ear. “I _am_ that easy. It was your own fault for not being more straightforward.”

Luhan tugged his head back harshly to reattach their lips. He wouldn’t be pulling away anytime soon.

\----

Hours later, with Luhan sound asleep, pressing Kyungsoo between the wall and his body, a blanket wrapped around them tightly, is when Kyungsoo starts to panic.

 

**Tuesday**

He manages to leave when Luhan rolls over and he can detangle himself from the blanket. He gets dressed quickly trying not to think about what he's just done. Sleeping with his friend only an hour after he breaks up with Junmyeon is probably not one of his best decisions, and it's worse because he can't tell if he actually wanted to or if he was just too overcome with emotions and wanted a distraction.

And thankfully he has one, in the form of his two friends. Junmyeon comes over to collect his stuff but Kyungsoo slips out before then and makes his way over to Minseok and Jongdae’s place. Minseok had just started medical school, so he wasn’t around, but Jongdae seemed to have some time to kill before he had to go to his own classes—reminding Kyungsoo that he should have been in his own classes.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re kind of an idiot.” Jongdae told him after he relayed some parts of his stressful last few days, leaving out the specifics of the wife and kid, just mentioning that he ended up sleeping with Luhan only a few hours after breaking up with Junmyeon who had been seeing him while seeing someone else.

“I repeat it to myself every morning.”

“Well you are.” Jongdae playfully smacked him on the side of the head. “Do you even like Luhan like that?”

“I- I think so. Maybe.”

“Okay, then you’re an even bigger idiot. If you _do_ like him then where’s the fucking issue?”

“The _issue_ is that I’m a shit person. And I don’t want Luhan to end up just being a rebound because what if what I’m feeling is only there because of the break up? What am I going to do when I recover and I don’t actually like Luhan the way he wants me to? I’ll just have screwed over someone I’ve known and trusted for four years.”

“Well you two already fucked so really… you’re kinda in a messed up situation either way. So what now? Are you going to break his heart right now and never find out what he might mean to you? Or are you going to go through with this and only _maybe_ break his heart in the end because you _might_ genuinely like him?”

Kyungsoo wasn’t sure, but he was very afraid of what might happen if what he was feeling was just due to the pain of the breakup, so to him only the first option worked, even though it was obvious Jongdae thought the second option was a better idea.

“Honestly, Kyungsoo, take my advice. He’ll never treat you like you say Junmyeon treats you.”

He didn’t know if the anxiety coiling in his stomach would let him.

\----

When he got back to his apartment, Junmyeon hadn’t yet left. He seemed to be waiting for Kyungsoo to return, but he had for sure been busy packing up his things. All his belongings were ready by the door.

“Reconsider what you’re doing Kyungsoo,” he said, his voice holding an obvious threatening tone.

“I don’t have to. I’m done with you.”

Before Junmyeon could reply, there was a knock on the door. Kyungsoo reached it before Junmyeon could even think about moving, anticipating who it might be immediately.

And he was right. Luhan stood in the doorway, looking unsure of himself. Kyungsoo quickly stepped outside and closed the door behind him before Luhan could see who was inside and before Junmyeon could see who was outside.

“Kyungsoo…”

“He's in there right now,” Kyungsoo said. Seeing Luhan purse his lips, he quickly elaborated. “He's just getting his things. He’ll leave after that.”

Luhan nodded. “You left pretty early this morning. I thought you might have just needed to get to the campus early but you weren't in any of your classes today.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

“It's okay! I get that you're going through a lot, I just want to make sure you're okay.”

“No, Luhan, it's not that. I _really_ am I sorry. I can't—”

The door opened behind him and Junmyeon stepped out with his bags. The look on his face was anything but friendly. He didn't say a word as he walked past the pair in the hallway, bumping Luhan's shoulder roughly.

“Keys,” Kyungsoo called after him. Junmyeon stopped, but didn't turn around.

“What?”

“I-I want my spare keys back.” Kyungsoo hated when he stuttered. Junmyeon turned around swiftly.

“So you can give them to _him_?” Junmyeon's accusing glare landed on the back of Luhan's head.

Luhan faced Junmyeon. “Whether he gives them to anyone else or not isn't your problem. They're his keys, it's his apartment. So give them back.”

Junmyeon threw the bags to the floor and walked over to Luhan, getting right into his face. Luhan didn't step back or show any sign of intimidation.

“Listen here you little _runt—_ ”

“Junmyeon just give me the keys,” Kyungsoo said, exasperation flooding into his voice.

Junmyeon glanced at him briefly before his eyes were challenging Luhan again. Still, he rummaged through his pocket before pulling out a key on a generic key chain and dropped it on the ground. He picked up his bags again and was gone, taking the stairs.

Kyungsoo let out a sigh of relief, but knew he couldn't relax yet. He still had to confront Luhan. Luhan picked up the keys for him and turned back to face him. He reached for Kyungsoo's hand, and gently pried apart the tight fist his fingers were rolled into before pressing the key into his palm and folding his fingers back over them. Kyungsoo mumbled out a soft ‘thank you’.

“Is he gone for good?”

“I hope so,” Kyungsoo muttered quietly. Then he raised his voice to more normal volume. “Luhan… we can't do this.”

“Do what?”

“I don't think—” He took a deep breath. “Anything. We can't do anything.”

Luhan frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“After this— after _him_ , I don’t think I can see anyone right now.”

His face fell in understanding. “Kyungsoo if you’re afraid I’m going to hurt you like he did… please tell me you don’t think I would actually do that.”

‘I don’t! I’m not afraid of you hurting me at all. I trust you, Luhan. Honestly, more than anyone else.”

“Then, I’m sorry, but I don’t see the problem. I just want to help you, Kyungsoo. Help you get over him, and protect you from him. I won’t let him touch you just give me a _chance_ —”

“Luhan, I don’t want you to just be a rebound, okay? Everything I’m feeling right now is completely messed up and I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not! Part of me wants cling to you and never let you go and another wants to run after him and beg him to stay. Can you see the problem? If I can’t trust the part of me that wants him back… I don’t know if I can trust myself at all.”

Luhan remained quiet for a few moments, frowning down at the floor. When he spoke up, his voice was low, not betraying how he was feeling. “I understand.”

“I don’t know how to get in control of my emotions right now. I just need a little bit of time to sort myself out. Please don’t hate me for this.”

“I said I understood, didn’t I?!” Luhan was definitely angry, which only indicated to Kyungsoo that maybe, Luhan was taking things the wrong way.

“Just a little time, please.”

“No Kyungsoo, I get it. You can stop trying to make me feel better. You’re not interested, last night was a mistake. Fine, whatever, I’ll get over it. It was my fault for confessing to you when you were vulnerable.”

“Luhan, no—”

But it was too late. Luhan disappeared into his own apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Kyungsoo accepted his defeat. There wasn’t anything he could do or say that would make Luhan listen to reason until he had calmed down, so there was no use trying. Not yet, anyways. Immediately after getting Luhan’s reaction, he felt he had maybe made a mistake. His heart sunk down to his stomach at the thought of being estranged from the only person who had so far been able to make him feel better, to forget his problems, even for a little while.

But he couldn’t do anything now. He sniffles as he gets into bed. But his thoughts are racing and sadness is building up inside him. Or it’s sitting right on his chest. He can’t tell, but either way, it’s difficult for him to breathe. It doesn’t feel much better as tears start flowing out onto his pillow and sobs rack through his whole body. He tries to keep quiet. There’s only a thin wall separating him from Luhan, and he knows Luhan’s classes start early the next day. His do too. He hopes his pillow is enough to muffle the sounds so Luhan can sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How long has it been? I don't even know I think like four days or something.
> 
> Anyways! First out of probably three installments of Kyungsoo's side of the story. If it were in the regular setting of the story it's basically Kyungsoo telling Jongin everything after Jongin accuses him of being a murderer.
> 
> So yes, this is set in the past, and if it wasn't entirely clear, Luhan lived in the apartment Jongin currently lives in. I decided to only write about the important week instead of Kyungsoo and Junmyeon's entire relationship so just know that Junmyeon has been manipulating ksoo this entire time but ksoo didn't start suspecting anything for a long time.
> 
> I know nothing has been explained yet, but I need to basically set up the explanation with this back story. When the story gets back to realtime it'll be Kyungsoo telling Jongin why things are the way they are etc.
> 
> Tell me your thoughts so far about the change in the story.


	14. Turn Back My Love (Kyungsoo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for being awfully late!

**Wednesday**

The next morning is uncomfortable. Luhan is on the elevator with him, and Kyungsoo has never felt so small in his life than in that moment, being ignored by Luhan. He knows Luhan would take the same bus as him, so he chooses to walk instead and risk being late instead of enduring more of the hatred that seemed to be coming off Luhan.

But it seems that Luhan has the same idea as him, because they both begin walking in the same direction as they get out of the building. He’s already past the bus stop when he notices that Luhan had walked past the stop too. Luhan notices him in that moment as well, but before either of them can change their mind, the bus speeds past them in the direction of the campus. They share a brief look before Luhan rolls his eyes and continues on his way, walking in front of Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo follows quietly.

It _sucks_ that they have so many classes together, because Kyungsoo has to endure the scowl that seems permanent on Luhan’s face, even if he hasn’t directed it straight Kyungsoo—opting to not look at Kyungsoo at all—he knows the scowl is there because of him, marring Luhan’s handsome face. He had hoped that Luhan would have been calm enough to talk by now, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

As the day progresses, the scowling is not so much scowling anymore. Luhan just looks incredibly troubled, and it’s worse, Kyungsoo thinks, because all this time he had been so focused on the anger he had caused Luhan, completely neglecting the thought of all the hurt the rejection would have conjured as well.

At the end of the day, Kyungsoo decides to kill time in the library, to avoid another awkward run in with Luhan. As a fourth year major in music, he doesn’t really spend much time in the library, only going there occasionally for printouts or photocopies. He roams through the fiction aisles looking for a book he’d remembered reading years ago. One that Luhan had recommended to him.

A story about someone who thought his love was unrequited and when he found that it was indeed returned, it was too late. He thought it could perhaps be considered unjust commentary on his own situation with Luhan, only instead of not knowing Luhan’s feelings, he didn’t seem to know his own until too late.

He finds himself looking at the aisle with authors whose last name starts with ‘H’. _‘I’ must be the next aisle_ , he thinks to himself. He mindlessly wanders over and begins scanning the tags. _‘IO’, ‘IP’, ‘IQ’, ‘IR’, ‘IS’, ‘ISH—’_

The clearing of a throat makes him jump and almost bump into the shelf behind him. His eyes meet Luhan’s and he has to look away. It seemed that Luhan had chosen to avoid him the same way as he had chosen to avoid Luhan. The exact same way, because Kyungsoo could see the title of the book in Luhans hand—The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro.

“Looking for this?”

Kyungsoo shook his head, in an obvious lie.

Luhan smiled sadly at him before sliding down to sit with his back against the shelf, legs stretched out in the narrow aisle, as much as they would go. To Kyungsoo’s surprise, Luhan tugged on his hand. He hesitantly sat down cross legged next to Luhan, staring down at his lap.

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. I overreacted instead of listening to you properly.” Kyungsoo looked up. “I knew you were hurting, but I still made it about me, and I should have known better than to sleep with you too, when you were so vulnerable. That’s probably the reason you’re so confused about your feelings now.”

“I don’t regret it,” Kyungsoo blurted out, red colouring his cheeks. “But there is something I regret. I shouldn’t have said those things to you yesterday. I should have trusted my gut instinct. I don’t want to be apart from you.”

Luhan frowned. “Kyungsoo you said yourself that you didn’t know whether your feelings for me were real or not.”

“I want them to be real. I don’t ever want them to go away.”

Luhan ducked his head, blush, matching Kyungsoo’s.

“I guess you could say… you’ve got… a crush on me, then?” Luhan teased.

Kyungsoo snatched the book out of his hands and attempted to smack Luhan over the head with.

The latter held up his hands in surrender, laughing softly.

“It’s not a crush, asshole,” Kyungsoo told him. “It’s much fucking more than that.”

“Have I ever told you how cute it is when you swear?”

Walking home together, was refreshing. Kyungsoo was happy they had cleared things up so easily. And he was happy to be able to say he was happy. He didn't know how long it would last before the reality of the shitty hand he had been dealt in life would be back to haunt his thoughts but it wasn't there in that moment and he wasn’t going to ruin his own contentment. They walked close, side by side, hands brushing until Luhan made the decision to hold Kyungsoo’s and Kyungsoo chose to intertwine their fingers. Luhan's hands were small, soft. He really liked the feel of them.

But their moments of euphoria were cut short when they exited the elevator on their floor and found Junmyeon pacing in the hallway in front of Kyungsoo’s door. Kyungsoo only barely registered Luhan stepping slightly in front of him. It was ridiculous—he knew Luhan couldn’t fight—courage, unfortunately couldn’t counter strength. And Junmyeon wasn’t weak.

The professor seemed to be fuming at seeing them together, holding hands. But his temper didn’t seep into his tone as he spoke.

“It’s late. Where have you been?”

“I was at the lib—”

Luhan cut him off. “You don’t have to explain yourself to him, Kyungsoo. He has no power over you.”

Kyungsoo hung his head in an attempt to escape Junmyeon’s gaze. He had cared about what Junmyeon thought of him for so long that it still had such an effect on him, even as he tried to move on.

Luhan began pulling him to his own door, since Junmyeon was still blocking Kyungsoo’s, but Junmyeon grabbed Kyungsoo’s other arm and pulled back.

“You’re not going with him.”

“Junmyeon… please let go.” He was grateful that Luhan hadn’t decided to keep pulling him, as he already felt that Junmyeon was going to tear his arm right out of his shoulder.

“You’re hurting him!” Luhan hissed.

Junmyeon released the arm and Kyungsoo fell back into Luhan, who caught him unsteadily against his chest.

“This isn’t over. Don’t think I’m about to let go of you so easily Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo rubbed his arm with tears in his eyes as Junmyeon left their sight. Luhan gently pulled him inside and took him straight to bed. He helped Kyungsoo out of his uncomfortable clothes and wrapped him tightly in a blanket.

“We should go to the police about this. I mean the least we can get is like a restraining order right? We could say he’s stalking you. I’ll be your witness and Jongdae and Minseok can give statements too if we need them to. Does it sound okay?”

Kyungsoo nodded numbly. It sounded perfect, because he wouldn't have to go through it alone. He couldn't imagine that he'd have been able to escape Junmyeon on his own. He hadn't realised that Junmyeon practically had him trained to do as he says, and if he hadn't had Luhan with him today, or if their conversation the day before hadn't been interrupted, he was sure he would give into whatever bullshit Junmyeon would have fed him to get him back. It was a scary thought, not having complete control of his mind and actions, being completely vulnerable to someone that didn't have a single good intention.

Comfortable and safe only with Luhan's arms around him, he fell into a fitful sleep, fortunately devoid of dreams that he just knew would have been nightmares.

**Thursday**

The police station was a daunting place. Kyungsoo had never been in one before, and he wasn't sure he ever wanted to visit one. Getting the restraining order proved to be a tiring task.

They were asked to wait at first. Even though it didn't seem to be busy at all, the man at the counter told them they would be called when it was their turn. Twenty minutes later (though it felt like much longer) they were finally giving their personal information to the cop at the desk and telling him they wanted to file a restraining order. After some tedious paperwork they were asked for Junmyeon's info—anything they could give would be helpful—but they'd only gotten to saying his name when the cop at the desk stopped them. He searched something up on his computer and frowned.

“Is this Professor Kim Junmyeon that you're referring to?”

Kyungsoo nodded.

“Okay, have a seat.”

“But we haven't—”

“Please take a seat, I'll let you know when everything has been processed.”

Kyungsoo felt dejected. He hadn't even given the cop the rest of Junmyeon's information yet—address, phone number etc.—that he had seen very clearly labelled in the form the cop was using. He and Luhan sat down, glum moods forming a hazy cloud around them not seeming to affect the environment in the station.

The cop they had been talking to stood up and went over to talk to a man not in a uniform, but instead dressed nicely. Someone who probably called a lot of the shots. They looked over at the pair waiting for them before returning to speak in rushed whispers. They broke away and the cop came towards them and called them back over to the desk.

Kyungsoo wasn't exactly in any way hopeful about getting much out of this. But he definitely didn't expect getting nothing at all.

“I'm sorry,” the cop started. “I can't process your restraining order.”

“What?” Luhan spoke up. “Why?”

“Professor Kim is a respected man, both within and out of his field. I'm going to have to ask you to leave him alone and out of the problems you're facing.”

“He _is_ the problem Kyungsoo is facing! _He_ is the one who needs to leave Kyungsoo alone, not the other way around!”

“Don't you know it's a crime to lie to a cop?”

“ _Lie?!”_

“Luhan, please,” Kyungsoo tugged on his sleeve. “Let's go. I- I can't be here anymore.”

One look at Kyungsoo's face had Luhan reconsidering whatever fight he had planned to pick with the cop. They left the station, confused at the rejection from the people who were supposed to keep them safe, and at being accused of lying.

Luhan was fuming the entire walk back to their building, talking shit about the justice system. They got their things and attended their afternoon classes and Kyungsoo stayed with Luhan in his apartment until late in the evening when Luhan had to leave to meet up with a group of his for one his classes.

“You'll be okay?”

Kyungsoo nodded.

“I wouldn't leave but I have to perform on Saturday and—”

“Don't worry about me.”

“Okay… I'll try not to.”

\----

Kyungsoo wasn't okay.

Only half an hour later he found himself back at his own apartment rummaging through the alcohol that Junmyeon kept in his freezer. Getting drunk seemed to work for most people. So it should work for him too right?

It did for a while. With his head fuzzy as he watched an episode of a show he had never seen before, but thought he might check out— _maybe Luhan would want to watch it with me_ —he could barely register his own grief. He was distracted enough to not realize he should have been pacing himself. But since he felt fine, half lying down on the chair closest to his TV screen, he continued kept gulping down small amounts at a time—whiskey was gross, but it was unfortunately pretty much all Junmyeon drank.

A knock on his door reminded him he was alone. He giggled slightly to himself, thinking of how Luhan might be upset at finding Kyungsoo like this, after a tiring day of hard work. He wasn’t exactly happy at the thought of making Luhan upset. He just couldn’t control the giggling spewing from his throat. Red in the face, he heaved a breath before flinging his legs to the ground and righting himself. It was the wrong decision. Everything spun. As the knocking continued, he blinked rapidly until his vision was in focus and only slightly swaying. Standing up was easier, he did it slowly. But he had to walk with his palms against the wall to avoid falling over. Eventually he made it to the door.

At least he didn’t feel like puking.

Giggles started up again, as he heard the knocking sounding slightly erratic, almost frantic. But it wasn’t Luhan standing on the other side of the door when he finally opened it. His eyes went wide and he could feel his stomach sink with dread, the giggles dying in his throat. He tried to shut the door as fast as he could but Junmyeon’s arm shot out to push the door back and keep it open. He didn’t anticipate Kyungsoo to be incapacitated and uncoordinated, so the force of the push knocked Kyungsoo off his feet and onto his ass.

Kyungsoo hissed slightly as his tailbone came into contact with the bare floor and he didn’t notice Junmyeon step in and close the door, but when Junmyeon reached out and placed a palm on Kyungsoo’s cheek he flinched and crawled back until he was against a wall, the alcohol sloshing unnervingly in his stomach as he did so.

“Relax,” Junmyeon told him, closing the distance between them again, even though it was obvious how much Kyungsoo didn’t want that. “I just want to talk.”

Kyungsoo squeezed his eyes shut. He could hear himself squeaking out the words ‘go away’ repeatedly. At least he hoped he was saying them out loud. He couldn’t be entirely sure.

“Aw… is my baby drunk?”

Kyungsoo opened his eyes at the tone Junmyeon was using with him, trying to hold back from sniffling. He shook his head.

“You’re so cute when you’re drunk.” Junmyeon’s hand was stroking his hair now. He leaned into the comforting touch, eyelids fluttering shut again. “Always so sensitive, so responsive, so needy…”

Kyungsoo pulled his knees up to his chest and felt Junmyeon lean his torso against them as he came closer. “No I’m not.”

“So stubborn too.” He felt Junmyeon’s mouth at his jaw. Junmyeon was right, he was sensitive, responsive, needy. And Luhan was right too, he was _easy._ To be fair to Luhan, he hadn’t actually meant to imply that Kyungsoo was easy, but Kyungsoo wouldn’t blame him for thinking it. But he didn’t want to be.

So he pushed Junmyeon as hard as he could. He was too hot, too disoriented, and Junmyeon was too close. He was going to explode and not in any possible good way. He could feel the incessant panic starting to rise in him, like the alcohol in his bloodstream, he felt the anxiety spreading to every cell in his body.

Junmyeon sighed. “Come back to me Kyungsoo. I’ll take care of you. I’ll leave them and you’ll leave Luhan and we’ll be each others. _Only_ each others.”

“You’re lying!” Kyungsoo cried out, louder than he intended, but he was concentrating on not spilling any more tears over Junmyeon. He knew he had failed when his hot cheeks were tickled with salty liquid that dripped down his cheek and into his parted mouth. He finally opened his eyes again. Junmyeon’s angelic face, the expression of trust that he had fallen for countless times, was only a breath away.

“I can’t lie about how much I love you.” Junmyeon took hold of Kyungsoo’s hand and raised it to his chest. “Feel this? My heart races only for you.”

Junmyeon’s heart truly was beating fast. Kyungsoo couldn't be imagining that. The dreaded, vulnerable question passed through his mind. _Does he… care?_

Everything he knew said no. But memories of his infatuation with the older man flooded his thoughts. Memories of how easy it was to just believe Junmyeon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yes, I'm late, and yes, I suck. I've just been ridiculously busy and exhausted for the past couple of weeks, literally passing out the second I get home from work and I don't write well when I'm tired.
> 
> But I had time today and wrote this and about half of the next chapter so just know that my motivation to complete this isn't gone! (Even though I'm not sure how I want to end it yet)
> 
> Anyways, enjoy! And leave feedback or curses whichever you prefer I probably deserve the latter for making people wait.


	15. Would We Be Different Now? (Kyungsoo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost a month but my sorry ass is BACK
> 
> Also I know I put warnings in the beginning but I'm going to put them here again MAJOR WARNING FOR VIOLENCE!!
> 
> I don't want anyone to be triggered or uncomfortable :(

**Thursday Part 2**

_Luhan will be back soon_. That's all Kyungsoo can think about as Junmyeon grunts above him. And though that's where his mind is at, his body is too sensitive to care. He focuses on the rhythmic sound of the bed frame against the wall, missing the shuffling noises next door.

\----

Luhan had just arrived and found his apartment empty. He'd left Kyungsoo on the couch, but the cushions were long cold and everything was quiet. He drops his things near his door and goes to his bedroom just to make sure that Kyungsoo hadn't crawled into bed and fallen asleep while waiting before he went to check next door.

Confusion clouded his tired mind when he heard noises next door. Familiar noises. It wasn't the first time he'd heard sounds of sex coming from Kyungsoo’s apartment. But why now? Realization hit him quickly, as well as fear. The first thought was a selfish one. That Kyungsoo had just been using him for comfort this whole time, and now he was using someone else, or worse, was back with Junmyeon despite everything. But he dispelled those theories quickly.

_Kyungsoo isn't like that._

  


_Right?_

A new kind of fear was rising up his throat. That Junmyeon, true to his word, hadn't given up on trying to get Kyungsoo back and used the power he had over his vulnerable friend to manipulate him again. He knew that was much more likely. Through the mist of his thought process, he realized he could no longer hear anything. Pushing aside any feelings of hurt he felt at the fact that Kyungsoo still wasn't legitimately his—his fear for Kyungsoo’s state more predominant over his own feelings in that moment—he rushed out, just in time for Junmyeon to swing the door of Kyungsoo’s apartment open and step out.

He smirked at Luhan, still buttoning up his shirt. “He’ll never get over me, you know. I won't let him move on. Especially not with _you_.”

Junmyeon pushed Luhan aside and into a wall before continuing on his way.

Luhan ignored how his shoulder ached from its impact against the wall and made his way into Kyungsoo's apartment. He passed an almost empty bottle of Jack Daniels, making him hesitate when he reached Kyungsoo’s closed bedroom door. He knew it would be worse than what he had originally thought, as he heard Kyungsoo’s sobs through the door.

Luhan pushed the handle down slowly and then pushed the door in. It creaked ever so slightly, but didn't catch the attention of the man in the bed. Luhan took in his appearance. His hair was disheveled, bare back facing the door and blanket draped around his waist, his toes peeking out. Luhan could see the faint bumps in Kyungsoo's spine moving along under the skin with every heavy breath he took.

Slowly, he approached the bed. The floor creaked loudly under his steps and Kyungsoo froze. Luhan saw wide eyes take a peek at him, but disappear just as quick.

“I'm so sorry.” Luhan had barely heard those words. He approached faster.

“How much did you drink?”

Kyungsoo sniffled. “I'm not sure. A lot.”

“Did he… did he hurt you.”

He saw Kyungsoo shake his head slightly. “No. It was my fault. I told him I wanted it.”

“You shouldn't have been drinking.” Luhan sighed heavily as he sat on the edge of Kyungsoo's small bed.

Kyungsoo turned so he was lying on his back and looking up at Luhan. His face was flushed bright red and his lips trembled as he spoke. “I know…”

“But this—this whole situation. None of it is your fault. Okay?”

Kyungsoo sniffled again, nodding. Luhan hoped that Kyungsoo truthfully believed his words, but after everything, he doubted it.

“Are you sure he didn't hurt you?”

Kyungsoo nodded again. “I'm fine. But… I thought I could handle being alone. But I can't. I can't be alone.”

Tears welled up in his eyes again. Luhan kicked off his shoes and then nudged Kyungsoo over so he was on his side again.

“Shh, don't cry okay? I'm not going to leave you alone.”

He lay down behind Kyungsoo, on top of the blanket and held him tightly.

“Please stay, Luhan.”

“I am. Okay? I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here.”

He held Kyungsoo as he cried all night, neither of them drifting off to sleep until the early hours of the morning.

 

**Friday**

Kyungsoo woke to Luhan's nose cozied up against the back of his neck and his hand resting on Kyungsoo's soft stomach. He sighed, and snuggling into Luhan's embrace, he got ready to go right back to sleep. There was an irritation at the back of his throat, getting worse as the seconds passed by. A cough forced its way up his throat, bringing to his attention how dry his mouth was. The coughing fit set off a splitting headache starting between his eyes and travelling to the back of his neck.

He was forced into a sitting position as a hand rubbed his back. The coughing subsided.

“Do you need to puke?”

Kyungsoo shook his head slowly, and Luhan continued rubbing his back. Kyungsoo knew he didn't deserve any sympathy from Luhan. He would have felt better if Luhan had gotten angry with him.

“You're coming to watch me tomorrow night, right?”

“Only if you still want me to,” Kyungsoo replied quietly.

“Of course I want you to come. I told you that I have a surprise for you right? My solo song, I chose it with you in mind.” Luhan deposited a soft kiss on Kyungsoo's shoulder, making him shiver slightly from the affectionate gesture. _If only I deserved this._

“Do you need to rehearse today?”

“Yes.” Kyungsoo’s heart dropped to his stomach. Luhan would be leaving him alone again. “You're coming with me though.”

Kyungsoo turned to look at him. “I thought your performance was supposed to be a surprise.”

“Your well-being is more important than keeping my performance a surprise.”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “I want to be surprised.”

“You're still coming. I promised you I wouldn't leave you alone. If you want you can just chill on campus where there’s plenty of people around until I'm done. It'll only be a couple of hours today anyways. We’re supposed to be resting our voices.”

Kyungsoo nodded and leaned back into Luhan's touch, his hand still rubbing soft circles into Kyungsoo’s bare back.

“Until then, how about we go get a late breakfast, hm?”

“That sounds nice.” Kyungsoo watched Luhan climb out of the bed and stretch. “Um, Lu? About yesterday—”

“Don't even think about apologizing, Do Kyungsoo. You have no idea how angry I'll be if you do.”

“But if I hadn't been drinking—”

“If you hadn't been drinking, he would still have come, he would still have talked shit and got you to feel like shit. Even if you hadn't slept with him he would have hurt you. That's all he does Kyungsoo—he hurts you. And it isn't _your_ fault that he's twisted.”

Kyungsoo knew it was pointless to argue with someone like Luhan. Someone who, once set on believing something wouldn't sway his opinion. Someone with pride, which was something Kyungsoo had been stripped of. He had let Junmyeon wreck him in so many ways over the past year. He wasn't sure he could ever build himself up again.

But with Luhan's soft gaze, his stern but caring words—ordering Kyungsoo to stop blaming himself—he thought that maybe there was hope for him. Hope for recovery.

So he took Luhan's outstretched hand into his own and let himself be pulled out of bed and into a warm embrace.

Luhan pulled away quickly. “ _Ughh_ , your breath smells like whiskey Kyungsoo. It's _gross._ ”

Kyungsoo smiled slightly as Luhan pushed him, still butt naked, into the bathroom and ordered him to shower and brush his teeth.

“I'm hungry so don't take longer than ten minutes.”

“You're giving me only _ten minutes_ to get ready?”

“Ten minutes or I'm coming in there and trust me when I say that you won't enjoy me showering with you when I'm hungry and cranky.”

“I don't know. I kind of like the idea of showering with you.”

“Oh no dear Kyungsoo. I should correct myself. I won't be showering _with_ you. I'll be _giving_ you a bath. The worst bath of your life. Think soap _everywhere_. Every single crevice I can find.”

Kyungsoo scowled. “See you in ten minutes.”

\----

“One minute thirty eight seconds!”

Kyungsoo grunted at the direction of the door as he dried himself. He winced at the pain in his head, barely glancing at himself in the mirror, knowing all he'd see is bags under his eyes and the scab on his lip.

“I'm coming in!”

“I'm done!” He called out, rushing to pull his shirt over his dripping hair and then struggling to pull on skinny jeans. He sighed before he gave up on them and grabbed a pair of sweatpants hanging on the hooks behind the bathroom door.

Luhan wasn't outside the door when he came out like he'd expected. He instead found Luhan near the door, already changed and ready to go. He seemed to be texting someone when Kyungsoo approached him. He put his phone away when he noticed Kyungsoo.

“That was the longest shower ever.”

“I took _exactly_ ten minutes.”

They went down to the cafe across street from the building. Luhan told him the owner lived in the building.

“I'm sure you've met him before. He’s really tall and looks like he walked straight out of TV screen. He moved in about a year ago.”

Kyungsoo cleared his throat. “I haven't really interacted much with people this past year. Junmyeon was very specific about the people he was okay with me interacting with.”

“Right, how could I forget. Especially since you were only _allowed_ to talk to me because I'm your classmate.”

“Luhan…”

“I'm sorry. He stole my best friend. I'm bitter.”

Kyungsoo didn't look up as they crossed the street. But Luhan stopped in front of the cafe doors and turned to him.

“You'll like Yifan. He's really nice. It'll be good for you to make new friends.”

Kyungsoo nodded, still not looking up.

“Hey.” Luhan used his palm to gently push Kyungsoo's chin up until they made eye contact. “I'm sorry. I won't talk like that anymore. I don't want to make you upset. I know I speak without thinking sometimes.”

“It's okay,” Kyungsoo smiled at him.

“I swear, from this moment forward, my brain to mouth filter is officially on.”

“I doubt that.”

“Kyungsoo,” Luhan whined with a pout. “Now you're the one saying mean things. Don't you believe in me to keep my mouth shut?”

“Not even slightly,” Kyungsoo laughed.

The pout dropped from Luhan's face to be replaced by a soft smile. “I like seeing you laugh like that. I know things have been difficult.”

Kyungsoo tried not to turn red under Luhan's gaze. He just nodded slightly at the comment. “Let's go inside. I'm hungry too.”

\----

With full stomachs they left the cafe. It had been fairly busy so there wasn’t much time to chat with Yifan, but Luhan had been right, Kyungsoo liked Yifan. Through their brief interaction, he had found Yifan handsome and charming. He thought he should ask Luhan to introduce him to more of his friends. He had had plenty of friends of his own before Junmyeon. But now he really only talked to Jongdae and Minseok, that also only because they lived so close to him and weren't willing to give him up even though he had begun hanging out with them less and less over the course of the past year.

It troubled him that he hadn't realized until then how many people he had lost because of Junmyeon. Having to repeatedly tell people he was busy, and couldn't see them. He had thought, in the beginning, that maybe Junmyeon wouldn't have minded him being around other people if he was there too, but Junmyeon always refused to go out with him, insisting that they stay home. Kyungsoo never questioned him. He didn't like it when Junmyeon got angry with him. Though it was rare for Junmyeon to get violent with him—which is why he had found the incident on Sunday so perplexing, when Junmyeon had bitten his lip so hard—angry Junmyeon always made him feel guilty, as if everything wrong in the world was Kyungsoo's fault, and Kyungsoo had always believed him.

 _What else could I have done?_ He had admired Junmyeon since the day he had started talking to him mainly because the professor was older, and therefore he had the right to always correct Kyungsoo and berate him and tell him he was wrong, right?

 _Wrong_.

That's what Luhan said. Once they were sitting in Luhan's apartment working on some assignments, he had asked Luhan if they could talk. He spilled everything he was thinking, because Luhan must know. He has to know what was right and what was wrong. Since Kyungsoo certainly didn't.

“Wrong again.”

“Huh? But you always have something to say about everything. You wouldn't if you didn't know about it.”

“Kyungsoo, I talk because I like hearing the sound of my own voice. I don't know everything. But I do know that nothing he said to you was right.”

Kyungsoo buried his head into his arms. He wanted to talk about it, but at the same time he didn't. He felt gentle fingers card through his hair and he sighed at the calming feeling that followed the affectionate touches.

“Sometimes…” Luhan started, his fingers pausing, still tangled in Kyungsoo's dark strands, “when you ask me stuff like this, I feel like I'm just always telling you how wrong you are, like he did.”

“I don't feel bad when you tell me I'm wrong,” Kyungsoo mumbled. “I don't want to believe I'm right anyways. Not about the things he used to say to me.”

Luhan resumed massaging Kyungsoo's scalp for a few minutes before his phone beeped. Kyungsoo raised his head with a sigh when he felt Luhan's hand retreat.

“Shit! I'm dead!”

“What's wrong?”

“I need to be on campus in ten minutes. My prof is going to be so mad if he finds out. Shit shit shit!!”

He hurried to gather his things and Kyungsoo watched him curiously.

“Okay let's go.”

“Um… Luhan?”

“Yeah?” Luhan already had a hand on the door handle.

“I really have to finish this assignment.”

“Do you want me to—”

“No, you go ahead! It'll only take twenty minutes and then I'll change and take the next bus to campus.”

“Kyungsoo you can finish it at the library and submit it there too.”

“I’m like ninety percent sure there's supposed to be staff meetings in the library all day today. Which means he’s going to be there.”

Luhan sighed. “No offense—I don't doubt you in any way—but I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone. I can wait and we can take the next bus together.”

“I swear I'll be right behind you. I'll be there in half an hour total. I promise. I don't want you to be later than you already will be.”

“Okay. We’ll be in practice room 134, that's the one in the basement of the old building not the first floor of the new one. I'll leave my keys so you can lock up.”

Kyungsoo nodded. He knew the room. Luhan surprised him by walking to him quickly and giving him a sweet kiss.

“Half an hour. Or I'm coming back for you.”

Kyungsoo couldn't reply as he watched Luhan run out. His lips were tingling slightly despite the briefness of the kiss, and he had to press them tightly together to fight the giddiness that threatened to spill out of him. He didn't want to seem crazy, laughing to himself in an empty apartment. He was the only one there, it was himself he didn't want to seem crazy to, because he felt crazy enough as it was.

It was crazy to him, how he was only just recognizing Junmyeon's manipulations, despite experiencing them for a year. It was crazy to him that Luhan still cared about him after everything. It was crazy that he was sitting in Luhan's apartment right now, and that Luhan had just kissed him as if it was no big deal, so casually, like they did it all the time. They didn't. But Kyungsoo was getting the _crazy_ feeling that they would soon. Or at least he crazily hoped.

He shook his head and gathered his thoughts. The assignment took a little longer than he expected. But Luhan wouldn't mind that it took him forty five minutes instead of thirty to get to campus. He was probably too busy rehearsing to notice the extra fifteen minutes anyways. He went to go quickly change before the bus would come. He picked up Luhan's keys and locked up the apartment before going into his own, ready to tackle the skinny jeans in his bathroom that had refused to go up his damp legs in the morning.

He stepped into the dark living room, not expecting to be blinded by light once he had closed the door. Junmyeon stood only a few feet away from him, hand on the light switch. Kyungsoo froze only for a moment before he dropped everything in his hands—his and Luhan's keys as well as his laptop and books—before pulling door open and launching himself out.

He was grabbed by the back of his collar and forcefully pulled back inside. This force felt different. It didn't feel like the night before when Junmyeon had forced himself into his apartment. Even though he was sitting on his ass on the floor watching Junmyeon lock the door, just like the night before, it didn't feel the same. Junmyeon wasn't here to trick Kyungsoo back to him. He must have known that Kyungsoo knew better by now. The scowl on Junmyeon's face told him that he was in more trouble than he had ever been in his life.

“Tell me what's wrong with me Kyungsoo. Huh? What is it about me that makes you not want me anymore?”

Kyungsoo shakily got back up to his feet, but didn't speak.

“You wanted me enough last night.”

“I was drunk.”

“I even told you I'd leave my family for you.” Junmyeon’s voice was getting louder now. “Is not even that enough for you? How much greedier are you going to get?”

“Get. Out.” He tried to sound forceful, but Junmyeon just ignored him, starting to stalk towards him, one step at a time.

“You're such a stupid little boy, you know that? Did you really think that telling her everything would ruin my life? As if I don't have her just as twisted as I had you?”

“What?” He stumbled backwards, trying to get away. He knew if he could just get to his bedroom, he'd have a chance to escape the predatory look in Junmyeon's eyes. His and Luhan's balcony doors were always unlocked. If he could get out of his own apartment and into Luhan's, he could lock himself in Luhan's bedroom and Junmyeon wouldn't be able to get to him even though he had dropped the front door keys.

Junmyeon was faster than him, however, managing to get a fist full of Kyungsoo's hair in his tight grasp before he could get too far. The sensation was so far from Luhan's hand teasing his thick locks. Tears pooled in the corner of his eyes from the stinging pain in his scalp.

“I know you went to her. And you told her. She told me that a student of mine dropped by with a conveniently scandalous bit of information about another student. Did you think I wouldn't know that it was you just because you sent your new boyfriend instead of coming yourself?”

Kyungsoo heard his phone ring, and felt it vibrate against his thigh, but before he could even react, Junmyeon already had the phone in his hand. He answered it swiftly, still holding Kyungsoo up by just his hair.

He laughed at whatever the person on the end said. Then Kyungsoo heard frantic screeching on the other side that could be no one other than Luhan.

“Kyungsoo, I think he wants to talk to you. But it seems he has plenty to say to me.”

Kyungsoo could clearly hear the profanities Luhan was spewing at Junmyeon once the call was on speaker.

“Luhan,” Kyungsoo sobbed out.

“I'm calling the fucking police you sick bastard. Leave him alone!”

“Oh and do you think they're going to do anything about it? You already saw what happened when you tried to file a restraining order against me.” Kyungsoo whimpered loudly as Junmyeon's hold on his hair became tighter. “Yet another stupid decision on both your parts.”

“Junmyeon please! Please stop!”

“Are you going to be a good boy and come back to me?”

“Kyungsoo hold on okay?” Luhan yelled into the phone. He sounded out of breath.

Junmyeon dropped the phone onto the ground, shattering the screen, but Luhan's harsh panting was still coming through loud and clear. Junmyeon used his now free hand to grasp Kyungsoo's face.

“Answer me.”

Kyungsoo shook in fear, breathing hard himself as tears rolled down his face uncontrollably.

“Please… please stop…” he managed to mumble out, despite Junmyeon's hand squeezing his cheeks together, making it difficult to form coherent words. His hands, which had been desperately trying to weaken Junmyeon's hold on him with no headway, dropped limply to his side.

“I'm still waiting for an answer.”

“No. I'll never be yours.”

“Fine.” Junmyeon let go of him and he dropped to the floor in surprise. Junmyeon picked up the phone again. “If I can't have him, _you_ definitely can't.”

He threw the phone across the room. It made a crash that had Kyungsoo flinching, before Junmyeon had him by his hair once again and was dragging him across the floor to his bedroom.

“Less likely for people down the hall to hear your screams. Though I can't say the same for the people down on the street. Let's find out, shall we?”

\----

Luhan didn't run. Ever. Not for anything or anyone. But the way Kyungsoo had said his name over the phone had him running faster than he ever had in his life.

It was his fault. If it weren't for him, Junmyeon wouldn't be so angry. He'd just be toying with Kyungsoo the way he normally did. _This_ wouldn't be happening. Luhan had betrayed Kyungsoo's trust on something that Kyungsoo hadn't even directly trusted him with.

His lungs were on fire as he entered the building and repeatedly pushed the button for the elevator. There was no one else around. He looked up and noticed that the elevator wasn't moving down, but up, meaning he'd have to wait ages. Taking a deep breath he sprinted towards the stairs, taking them two at a time until he just couldn't anymore. His legs were wobbly from too much use in such a short time but he kept moving until he was standing between his and Kyungsoo's door.

He didn't know which apartment they could be in, until he heard faint sounds coming from Kyungsoo's. He immediately tried the door but it was locked. He could get into Kyungsoo's apartment from his own since Kyungsoo always left his balcony door unlocked but his door was locked too. He was ready to ram his shoulder into Kyungsoo's door when suddenly it opened and a hand shot out and latched onto his throat.

He was pushed back into his own door as he clawed at the hand restricting his already strained breathing.

“I'm guessing that poor Kyungsoo doesn't know that you came to talk to my wife yesterday. Were you ever planning on telling him?”

He could barely make out Junmyeon's face, the hallway light behind his head giving him a halo and dark angel like appearance, making Luhan want to gag, if only he wasn't being choked.

“He's stupid. But he'll figure it out you know.”

Luhan began seeing black spots in his vision. Junmyeon was still talking to him, but his chest was on fire and his head hazy. Junmyeon's words came to his ears as if through ten feet of water. He was drowning. No choking. _No being choked_. He didn't even know anymore.

Suddenly air was forced back into his lungs and he was on the ground. He watched a pair of blurry boots walk away from him, and despite feeling incredibly faint, he forced himself up and stumbled into Kyungsoo's apartment. He called out for Kyungsoo, but the sound that escaped his throat sounded less like a name and more like a raspy groan. Once in Kyungsoo's bedroom, he saw the balcony door partially open and made his way outside.

He found Kyungsoo crying against the railing and collapsed next to him. He felt Kyungsoo pull him closer and they sobbed into each other's necks until it was pitch black outside, the streets became strangely remote and not even their balcony lights would shed enough light on them to give them enough hope of the sun rising the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me....
> 
> I promise you all won't have to wait a month for the next update!
> 
> So I know I'm raising more questions than I'm answering at this point but everything will make sense once the story gets it's normal momentum back.
> 
> Anyways it's back to Jongin in the next chapter and all y'all need to know is that the way I've explained Kyungsoo's story here to you isn't the way that Kyungsoo explains it to Jongin (basically meaning that he doesn't tell Jongin anything about Junmyeon except his name).


	16. As if Only You and I Exist Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really badly written in terms of plot movement but has very important explanations of things. I wanted to go over it a few billion times (or tbh even rewrite it) but I didn't want to end up disappearing for a month again so here you go!
> 
> I'll likely edit before posting the next one so that it flows more smoothly and isn't as awkward as it is right now.

“What happened then?” Jongin asked timidly.

If he was being completely honest, Jongin would almost be offended if he wasn't confused as hell. Offended that Kyungsoo thought he was that much of an idiot. But he was confused because… why would Kyungsoo lie to him.

“The next day we both went to the hospital. Luhan couldn't perform that night because his vocal chords were injured from being choked. I'd heard him sing before of course, but this performance was supposed to be special. Not just because there were going to be scouts there, but because he said that the song he was singing solo was a surprise for me.” Kyungsoo sighed deeply, looking down at his lap. “And then I confronted him.”

“About what?”

“Whether he went to talk to Junmyeon's wife or not. It was stupid of me. He was distraught with guilt. He blamed himself entirely and I knew he had just been trying to help. But I only cared about how upset _I_ was so I let him think it was his fault.”

There were many things about Kyungsoo's story that puzzled Jongin. Kyungsoo was only telling him parts of the story, not going into detail about the people involved, but he listened quietly the whole time. Kyungsoo had told him that he was dead. But it seemed they hadn't gotten to that part.

“I left him alone in his room. I'm guessing he probably didn't get up to lock his door because that night Junmyeon came into my apartment and shot me in my bed and then went next door, in _here_ and shot Luhan too.”

Jongin's eyes widened and he gulped. He hadn't expected Kyungsoo to say something like that so casually.

“Do you believe me?”

“I don't know.”

“So that’s a no. I'll explain anything you want me to.”

Jongin hesitated before asking. Kyungsoo mentioned the name Junmyeon, but it wasn't one that Jongin recognized. Kyungsoo hadn't said anything about how they had met or who he was. “Who is Junmyeon?”

Kyungsoo flinched visibly. “I'll tell you anything except that.”

Jongin accepted that. Sort of. He still wanted to know. “So what exactly is happening right now? If you're de—uh, not alive, how are you here?”

“As far fetched as it sounds, yes I'm dead, I just haven't gone to any purgatory-esque place, be it heaven or hell or, well nothing. After I died, I was extremely disoriented. I didn't _know_ I was dead. It seemed like a horrible dream. I watched the police come in and take away my body. Luhan's too. I thought that I'd wake up any second. But so much time passed. I could feel every second as it ticked. But I never woke up. Before I knew it, my apartment was empty, I felt like I hadn't seen a single person in ages. I had no idea what to make of it.”

“Kyungsoo this is—”

“Ridiculous?”

“That's not what I was going to say.”

“Then be quiet and just listen okay? If you had listened to me before and just moved we wouldn't be sitting here right now.”

Jongin mumbled an apology and Kyungsoo went on.

“The first time I seemed to come to my senses, instead of just feeling like I was floating through a dream, was when I found my feet taking me to Junmyeon's street. It was like I was knocking on his door again but at the same time it was like I was watching myself do it. Nobody came out of course, I refrained from actually knocking, but i felt like someone had, like I had just experienced it over again. Just the memory of it was almost crippling. I don't know how to explain it, the feeling of experiencing something, or watching yourself on a screen, but at the same time, and on top of that, knowing that it didn’t actually happen.”

“The next seven days continued much like that. Instead of feeling like I was asleep, I was in this strange alley between two very different kind of hazes. By the end of it, I barely registered them as my own memories. It felt better to pretend it was someone else's experiences.”

“The next week, I was more lucid. Far more than I would have liked. It was way too real this time. It was very much like it was all happening all over again. And it continued like that. For several months. It was strange though. Like I couldn't really see people's faces because they weren't actually there. It was _almost_ like someone was physically there, but their faces were just...blank. It was the most uncomfortable thing. It was like that with everyone. Luhan, Minseok and Jongdae, the police officers we had talked to. Everyone except....”

“Junmyeon?” Jongin said quietly.

Kyungsoo nodded. “His face is still so clear. It's easy to ignore the rest. I can pretty much will it all away or just avoid the memory if I wanted to, unless it's _him_.”

“So when did you start thinking you were—” Kyungsoo shot him an annoyed look. “—uh I mean when did you _know_ for sure that you had died?”

“One day, it was a Monday, just like any Monday, Jongdae and Minseok were in the hallway at the same time I was, and had been that Monday on the last week of my life, sitting in front of my door, waiting for Junmyeon to come so I could confront him. I had no clue what was happening to me back then. Or why. It didn't register, for some reason, that Junmyeon had _killed_ me and that he'd _killed_ Luhan too. I didn't know how to explain any of it. But I saw them coming down the hall. My two friends. Chatting as they usually did. I didn't realize right away—since I’m not always in the most lucid state and things can blur into one another—but I could see their faces. It wasn't until they stopped and looked at me too.”

“That's how you figured it out?”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “Once they were done freaking out. They explained what had happened. And it was almost like I fell into that spiral from when it first happened. I learned that everything in this, _world_ as it seems to be, is a cycle.”

“Why didn't you see them before? Or why didn't they see you? Didn't it take time before you started avoiding your memories of people or whatever?”

“It was difficult to focus on certain things. I'd be lucid during my ‘memories’ of _him_ , but it would kind of drain me in a way and I wouldn't recall much else. As for them not seeing me, I think it sort of took time for this world to have an effect on them as well.”

There were too many holes in this delusion that Kyungsoo was spinning. Kyungsoo himself seemed unsure of what he was saying. And truthfully Jongin was getting a little tired keeping up with it.

“The basic breakdown is that I keep reliving—though _reliving_ might not be the best word for it—the last week of my life over and over. Sunday to Saturday. It never stops, it never slows.”

“How come… how come I can hear it like it's just happening?”

“Luhan… he didn't get stuck like I did. Thankfully. I think he's still there in essence though. Observing the people that lived in this flat before you, I think that the longer you're exposed to whatever residue of his memory he left behind, the more you start hearing and feeling like him. That's why it didn't take long for you to start noticing things, because you live where Luhan lived,” Jongin shivered at the thought of it—walking, eating, sleeping in the exact same place as someone who was now dead—but then he remembered that he wasn't quite believing Kyungsoo anyways, “but it took a whole for it to take effect on Jongdae and Minseok because they're not under direct influence.”

Jongin frowned as he realized something. If that was the case—that he heard what Luhan had heard—he shouldn't have been able to hear what had happened on Friday night, before Kyungsoo comes out onto the balcony, because according to him, Luhan hadn't been home at the time. But he didn't mention it. That one little detail didn’t bother him as much as the rest of it.

“Is that why you wanted me to move?”

Kyungsoo nodded. “I don't know the long term effects. I don't want to find out.”

“If you're not really here… why can I see you? And touch you…”

“I don't know how it works. Five years of experimentation and I'm still not sure about anything.”

“What _do_ you know?”

Kyungsoo sighed. “Well, let's say if on a Wednesday I was on the balcony at three in the afternoon, and I go out there at three on a Wednesday as I am now, you'd be able to see me. I don't think if _every_ random person passing by would be able to, not likely since they aren’t affected by what happened here in any way, but you definitely would, Jongdae and Minseok too, since they've lived here the entire time I've been dead, they’re attuned in a way to my existence on this plane. But if I was supposed to be out there at three and I chose to break the cycle and come out into the hallway instead, not even you would see me, because I'm not supposed to be there.”

That explanation hurt Jongin's head a little.

“I thought, if I'm invisible to people when I'm not supposed to be there, I might as well make most of it. Travel, even if it's around the city. During the day, during the night, it's not like I can die again, right?”

Jongin nodded, still not entirely sure if he believed.

“It only took five minutes for that hope to be ruined entirely. I found out I can't go to places that I hadn't visited during that week. I can roam around the supermarket down the street as much as I want, but I can't go into its back parking lot. Because I didn't go there that week. And since I spent most of that week cooped up and depressed, that limits the places I can go.”

Kyungsoo didn't _seem_ crazy to Jongin. But he was definitely talking crazy. But for some reason Jongin kept asking him things, as if all of it made sense. He didn't know what happened when crazy people were told they were crazy and he didn't want to find out.

“How do _you_ see things?”

“Well in your flat, I see the way you've set it up, but the way Luhan had it set up is sort of visible too. Like an overlapping memory. With my flat, I see that it's physically empty, but I can still also see all of my old things. Gosh, I don't even know where all my things went, I don't remember the first few months after my death very well.”

Jongin took a deep breath as he tried to process everything. He felt like he should do something, but he had no idea what when he didn’t even know what the hell he was getting himself into. He still believed he had heard gunshots. Was Kyungsoo spinning this tale to get in hopes that Jongin will believe it instead of what he had believed to be the truth before? That Kyungsoo had gotten rid of his abuser? Or was Kyungsoo really just nuts and that’s why everyone just avoided him and Jongdae and Minseok warned him to stay out of it.

“Kyungsoo…”

“Will you leave now?”

“What?”

“Will you move?”

“I don't know.”

“Please do. Minseok's right, things are the way they are and they won't change.”

Jongin didn't question how Kyungsoo would know what Minseok had said to him earlier.

“Do they really not talk to you anymore?”

“I told them not to. It took them a while to actually listen to me, but they eventually did. I'm going to tell you the same thing.”

“Please don't.” Jongin wanted, now more than ever, to be able to understand Kyungsoo. He couldn’t do that if Kyungsoo wasn’t around.

“Jongin I've never interacted with the people who've moved into this flat the way I have with you. Clearly, I've made a mistake.”

“Stop, please.”

“I shouldn't have approached you, and I won't do it again. I don't even know why I keep coming back.”

Kyungsoo got up and walked over to the door.

“I spent the night here on Monday, with Luhan. This _physical_ form will disappear when I walk out of this door. Don't try to talk to me again.”

Jongin was up and after him before the door had a chance to close. He caught it before it slammed and swung it wide open, but there was no one out in the hallway.

There was no way Kyungsoo could have gone anywhere in that split second and not left a trace or made the slightest of sounds.

His heart lurched painfully up his throat as he dropped to his knees, fingers itching to reach for his phone.

But who would he call?

Sehun was out of the question. He was dealing with his own demons.

Chanyeol or Baekhyun wouldn't understand the situation, since they didn't know much about it at all. And he didn't really feel like having to explain the whole ordeal from the beginning. Besides, how would that text go anyways?

_Hey guys so my neighbour claims he and his friend were killed five years ago and i didn’t believe him until i saw him pretty much disappear in front of my eyes. I'm not crazy but I need your help and sympathy since I'm kinda being haunted._

Baekhyun would probably smack him to make him snap out of whatever delusion he thought Jongin was in and Chanyeol was superstitious. He might declare that he’d never talk to Jongin again if he thought Jongin had ghosts hanging around him. And then Baekhyun would smack Chanyeol, and then Chanyeol would be upset, and then they'd bicker and it'd be all Jongin's fault.

Well, it would be _Junmyeon's_ fault. Whoever the fuck he was.

He knew Minseok wasn't home. He'd watched him leave for work, and he wasn't about to go to his job and demand why he didn't just outright explain things. But Jongin guessed that was because he probably wouldn't have believed the truth anyways.

He wasn't sure if he was dreaming this all up right now anyways.

Still sitting in his doorway, he slapped himself across the face. And then groaned. That was stupid. He didn't wake up.

The next person that popped into his head was Jongdae. It was possible he was at home. But Jongin didn't really want to talk to Jongdae. Jongdae kind of made him feel like a nuisance. However, if someone came around and started cutting open old wounds, he wouldn't want to be the nicest person to them either. So he dropped that idea.

He wasn't sure Yixing was the right person to talk to. Though he seemed like a nice guy, he didn't seem to know much of what was going on around him. Despite Kyungsoo having told him a while ago that Yixing knew about what he had previously thought was domestic abuse, Yixing hadn't automatically thought about the ghost haunting one of his apartments when Jongin had talked to him. If many people had moved out because of Kyungsoo and Luhan's ghostly residue, but Yixing still assumed that Jongin's complaint had been about Minseok and Jongdae, then he couldn't possibly know about Kyungsoo. That was what he theorized anyways. He wasn't sure if he was in the mood to find out.

The last person he could think of, was Yifan.

Yifan had moved in and opened his cafe six years ago, and if he knew Minseok and Jongdae, then he had to know Kyungsoo. Maybe he could clear things up. Tell him that Kyungsoo was crazy and just really good at pretending to be a ghost and this Luhan person, who he had never heard of before, who supposedly had lived in Jongin's apartment, was just a figment of Kyungsoo's imagination. As was Junmyeon.

Despite all of the reassurances he wanted to hear, that none of this was real, he knew deep down, that the voices he heard through the walls couldn't be fake. Kyungsoo couldn't fake his beat up appearance on Friday and then go back to looking normal on Sunday. If Kyungsoo was crazy, he wouldn't be able to do that.

Yifan's reaction to his question—“Do you by any chance know Kyungsoo?”—dispelled any hope of Jongin's own sanity. Yifan sighed and looked at Jongin with a remorseful expression.

“I didn't really know him. Only met him once. He seemed sweet so it's so sad that he and—well, you know.” Jongin gulped. “He was good friends with a good friend of mine, Luhan. If you know about Kyungsoo, surely you know about Luhan, since he lived in the apartment you live in now.”

“It can't be true.”

Yifan frowned. “It was indeed very tragic. Even though five years have passed. Sometimes I feel like Luhan’s still around in a way. It’s stupid I know. Back when I had only just opened the cafe, I'd keep it open 24 hours. It was difficult to turn profit since I was just starting out. He was so opinionated. He'd always give me a piece of his mind when he found out I was overworking. He's the reason I won't go 24 hours again. It was a disaster. He made me stop, I started getting more rest, thinking straight, and started running things the way I do now, and I couldn't be more content. He didn’t beat around the bush. Always said what was on his mind.”

Jongin blinked away stray tears.

“I don't understand why you're so upset Jongin. Did you know them?”

Jongin shook his head. “I was just curious, you know, since I'm living there now. I'm just upset because… it's a sad thing to happen.”

“Hmm,” Yifan agreed wordlessly, staring off. He seemed upset as well and Jongin felt guilty about bringing up Luhan. “Sorry I couldn't tell you more about Kyungsoo, since it was him you asked about in the first place. But Minseok and Jongdae know plenty about him. I'm not so sure how willing they would be to talk, but you could always try. Just, you know, don't impose. Kyungsoo was a good friend of theirs just as Luhan was mine.”

Jongin nodded, apologizing for bringing up the past. Yifan waved off his apology with a good natured smile.

On his way back, Jongin decided to go against his earlier decision to avoid Jongdae and go speak to him anyways. It seemed as if he and Minseok were the only ones who knew the truth.

Jongdae took one look at him and pursed his lips, hesitating slightly before letting him in without a word.

“Do you know… why?” He asked, once the silence between the two became suffocating.

“Why what?”

“Why this is happening to him?”

“Tragedies happen all the time. People die everyday.”

“But people don't get stuck living the last tragedies of their live for who knows how long.”

“You don't know that,” Jongdae snapped.

“But there has to be some way to put him at peace right? Like Luhan is?”

Jongdae stared at him for a long time. “How much exactly do you know?”

Jongin shrunk slightly under the man's gaze. It wasn't annoyed or _annoying_ like it usually was, but strangely soft. Jongin didn't know what to make of it. “A lot, I guess. But it doesn't seem enough.”

“Luhan's _not_ at peace. If he was, we wouldn't be sitting here discussing the _afterlife_ right now. Because without the manner that Luhan stays here, we wouldn't have any idea that Kyungsoo was left around.”

“Then there _must_ be a reason both of them are still here. Maybe there's something that could lead us a to Junmyeon and—”

“Do _not_ say that name in front of me. The fact that we knew it was him, and couldn't do a single fucking thing about it haunts me more than a ghost ever could.”

“But who _is_ he?”

Jongdae ignored him. “Do you want to know what I know or not?”

Jongin nodded.

“Then listen. If you have any questions, just shut up about them and don't interrupt me or I'll kick your scrawny ass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone notices anything wrong continuity wise let me know! I've been trying to keep everything organized so I don't make mistakes but things can slip through.
> 
> Also let me know what your thoughts are so far especially now that we're back to where we left off :D
> 
> P.S. Next chapter is a Sehun special because he makes me feel a lot of things lately (more than usual) and it's extremely frustrating so imma let it all out on my keyboard :))))))))


	17. I Match My Footsteps With Yours (Sehun)

Sehun didn't expect Jongin to be waiting at the bus station on the night of his return. It was really late. Sehun had told him not to come. It was only slightly upsetting that he didn’t know Jongin well enough to know that he might have showed up anyways. Only slightly. After all, it was only the beginning of their relationship. The beginning of, _them_.

Sehun _loved_ thinking of them as a them. As if they were one entity. With everything that had been going on around him he knew that maybe he had clung to the idea of Jongin being ideal, but he didn’t regret it, because as far as he was concerned, Jongin _is_ ideal for him. He wanted to be ideal for Jongin too. He wanted to be everything Jongin could ever need. That way, there would be no reason for Jongin to want anyone but him.

But those kinds of thoughts he tried his best to reserve for dark and lonely hours of the night with nothing to distract him. Right now, he did have a distraction, in the form of a tall shaking frame huddled under a bus shelter away from the cold, late night drizzle the dark sky so kindly provided for them.

Jongin rushed towards him, seeming to recognize him immediately even though he was covered from head to toe in warm clothes courtesy of his mother, and visibility wasn’t that great. As Jongin grabbed Sehun's bag, Sehun ruffled the water out of his hair. Jongin laughed and nudged him gently.

“How long were you waiting? You didn’t even ask when the bus would get here.”

“Not too long. Just about ten minutes. I checked online. I figured you wouldn’t tell me anyways considering you explicitly asked me not to come.”

“It's cold.”

“It's not that bad.”

“You have class tomorrow morning.”

“So do you.”

“You really should have stayed home and rested, Jongin.”

“Are you upset that I did?”

“Quite the opposite.” Sehun didn’t know what Jongin expected his answer to be but it must not have been that because Jongin faltered a bit in his step. Either that or he must have slipped a little on the wet pavement. Either way, he recovered his composure quickly.

“Then shut up and hurry.”

They caught the last bus back to Jongin's apartment, neither having forgotten that Sehun had promised he'd stay with Jongin until he found a place.

“We have a lot to do tomorrow,” Jongin stated when they had settled in for the night. Sehun stayed quiet, and waited for him to continue. “We have to go to your uncle's place to get the rest of your stuff, and you have to talk to Yixing about getting an apartment here.”

“We’ll manage.” Sehun groaned as he turned to his side, chest still sore. He flung an arm over Jongin's torso and tucked his face comfortably into Jongin's shoulder. Then he raised his head for a moment. “Don’t forget we have to talk to our instructor about an extension on our routine. I mean, I’ll dance if I have to, but a little extra time to heal would be nice.”

Jongin nodded, his eyes closed, and Sehun became comfortable in his former position once again.

Sehun always believed that if one suffered through bad things in life and got through them, then they were rewarded with good things. If this situation with his uncle was his bad thing, then Jongin was his good thing. There was nothing bad when it came to Jongin.

However, when Jongin sneezed right into his hair, he cringed a bit.

“You know, you really didn't have to come to get me, now look, you might be getting sick,” Sehun said raising his head again. He glanced at Jongin's face, taking a good look at the dark circles surrounding his closed eyes. He didn't look very good.

“I wouldn't have been able to stand being alone here anyways,” Jongin replied softly.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

It was too late. The only sounds to be heard were the soft breaths coming through Jongin's parted lips. Sehun sighed. Jongin looked _really_ tired. He lay back down, vowing to make sure Jongin would take better care of himself.

\----

Harsh reality hit them when they went to class the next morning. Sehun couldn't possibly recover properly in time for their assignment and getting an extension was unlikely at this point. Since the hospital trip had happened well over a few days ago and the deadline was gaining on them, a doctor's note may not be enough to warrant extra time.

“I'm sure we'll figure it out. I mean we've pretty much gotten it down and I'll be feeling better by next week so it won't be such a big deal if our instructor can’t convince the department head to give us an extension.”

“So you can exert yourself while injured and get hurt even more?”

“It's really not that bad,” Sehun lied. Truthfully, he hadn't really been taking care of his injuries. He didn't ice his ribs as often as he should have been doing, and he picked at his scabs too much causing them to reopen and having to start the healing process over again.

He knew Jongin could see him wince every time he made a movement that disturbed his chest too much, but Jongin didn't say anything about it. Sehun felt bad. He wouldn't exactly _mind_ Jongin fussing over him but he knew Jongin didn't want to nag him. Since they were living together for the time being and were in a difficult emotional situation, Jongin probably didn't want to overstep the boundaries of their barely formed relationship by constantly letting his worry be known.

At the same time Sehun also felt extremely frustrated, because they hadn't done anything very boyfriend-like in the time that he'd been back and he'd missed Jongin a lot while he was gone. If Jongin's excuse for keeping a respectable amount of distance between them (not counting the fact that they'd cuddled in bed the night before) was because of Sehun's injury, then Sehun felt that maybe if he played it up a bit, he could get Jongin to crack and maybe even score a little skinship out of it.

So he slyly dropped his water bottle, bending down immediately to pick it up. It didn't put too much strain on his sore bones but he let out an audible gasp and clutched his chest, hissing in fake pain.

“Are you okay?!” Jongin held him by the shoulders and Sehun pouted nodding.

“I'll be—ow—I'll be fine,” he choked out pathetically. “I have you looking after me, don’t I?”

Jongin ignored Sehun's slightly suggestive comment, and slid one of his palms from Sehun's shoulder down to his chest, not caring that they were in the middle of the hallway. Sehun was sure that Jongin was be able to feel his heartbeat speed up.

“Come with me.” Jongin pulled him gently by his arm in the direction of the campus nurse's office. Sehun caught on immediately.

“No!” Jongin looked back at him strangely. “I mean, uh, the pain passed, no reason to go to the nurse or anything.”

Jongin narrowed his eyes at Sehun. “Just a second ago you sounded like you were going to cry.”

“I wasn't gonna—ugh, nevermind, I'm fine now.” Sehun averted his gaze from Jongin’s. “Let's just go to class.”

“No, seriously what the hell?”

“I don't know! I don't need a nurse okay?”

“Then what do you need?”

“Nothing, I said nevermind.”

Jongin was still holding onto his arm and he stepped closer. “Tell me.”

“I was hoping for, I don't know, like a hug or something.”

“You want a hug?”

“Yeah, to make me feel better,” Sehun couldn't help but let a small smirk tug the corners of his lips up. “Or, you know, just go the extra mile and… kiss it better?”

Jongin grinned and shook his head in disbelief. “You're an idiot.”

They both pulled each other closer at the same time, not noticing how empty the hallways had become as they became reacquainted with each other's mouths.

Sehun pulled back after a bit, pouting again. “That's not where it hurts though.”

Jongin rolled his eyes. “Well you're going to have to wait. I can't exactly kiss you anywhere else right now can I?”

“Says who?”

Sehun tugged Jongin's arm to get him moving.

“Where are we going?” Jongin whined.

“You'll see.” Sehun smiled. He had been waiting to put this place to use. He had found a warehouse on campus in his first year that was extremely rarely used and always left unlocked since it was barely ever checked on. Most of the furniture kept in there was too rundown for use anyways so it was probably a dumping ground for old stuff.

They huddle behind a pile of old chairs, discarding their jackets and bags at their feet, and Sehun unzips the smallest pocket in his bag and pulls out a joint and a lighter.

“Smoking with any kind of chest injury increases chances of infections during the healing process”

“It's one joint not a pack of cigarettes or a Cuban cigar”

_“Smoking with any kind of chest injury incre—”_

“Okay! I get it! We won't smoke then.”

“Uh uh” Jongin snatches the joint and the lighter, “ _you_ won't smoke. _I_ deserve this”

Sehun scowled as he watched Jongin light it and take a few puffs.

“This is so unfair.”

Jongin looked at him and Sehun couldn't decipher the strange expression that crossed his face. “Life is unfair. But so is death.”

“Huh?” He didn't have much time to put more thought into Jongin's statement because Jongin passed the joint to him. “Seriously?”

Jongin nodded.

“You're not going to start reciting things you read on WebMD about chest injuries?”

“Forgive me for worrying about you,” Jongin said frowning and turning away. “But yes, I won't lecture you. I figure you need it too.”

Sehun had been wondering if there was something wrong with Jongin and had boiled it down to no more than him being worried. From when he had noticed how Jongin seemed to be having sleepless nights if the way he looked was anything to go by, to his seemingly offhand comments about not wanting to be alone in his apartment and now life and death.

Now, looking at him, he thought that Jongin was more than worried. He was sad. His entire aura seemed sad, with downturned lips and a faraway look in his eyes, as if he wasn't entirely there with Sehun in the dark, dusty warehouse. With the only light coming from windows as high as the ceiling, his barely illuminated face showed a burden, and Sehun wanted to know what it was that had happened in the past few days while he was gone that had Jongin looking like he was done with everything around him.

“Are you alright?” He asked. Being straightforward was really the only way Sehun could communicate seriously.

Jongin looked at him again as he passed the joint back. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, did something happen? While I was gone?”

Jongin didn't reply for a moment but Sehun didn't break eye contact for a second. He had been told throughout his life that he had an intense gaze, and he guessed it must have been true, because even in the dark he could see Jongin's cheeks dusted with pink.

“Jongin.”

Jongin blinked at the sound of his name and as if coming out of a trance, he snapped his eyes away from Sehun's. “Nothing happened. Just the usual you know, classes, Baekhyun and Chanyeol being loud and extra. They kept trying to distract me but… I had other things on my mind.”

“What things?”

“You.”

“What else?”

“What makes you think there's something else?”

The joint was back with Sehun now and he took his time with his drags before answering. “Well, I know you say you're worried about me—”

“I am worried.”

“—but I'm sitting right here next to you. You can see me, you can see that I'm fine.”

“You're still hurt.”

“Deep down you know I'll heal quickly. You know it's not that bad. So what's _really_ bothering you?”

Jongin smiled at him, before leaning in and leaving a sloppy kiss on the corner of Sehun's mouth. “Nothing's bothering me, I promise.”

Sehun grinned stupidly and leaned his head back against the wall they were sitting by as the high swirled around his head the same way the smoke swam in the air around them. He said nothing as Jongin's lips moved to his jaw and his hand slipped under Sehun's shirt, teasing the skin before pushing the fabric up his torso to his chest. Sehun shifted, allowing Jongin to carefully remove the shirt completely before he began doing as discussed earlier—kissing Sehun better.

Sehun tried not to laugh out loud at the tickling sensation of Jongin's lips against the ugly bruises littering his pale skin. He failed.

“Stop squirming.”

“I can't help it.”

“This is supposed to be sexy and you’re giggling.”

“I’m _ticklish_.”

Jongin looked up at him pupils blown to almost complete black, showing not only the effect of the drugs but his attraction as well. Sehun was sure his eyes were quite the same.

Jongin kisses up Sehun's chest and neck before claiming his lips. Sehun thinks he could stay here with Jongin on the dirty floor, tasting his mouth, forever. Nevermind the increasingly chilly weather and the fact that there was no heating in the warehouse. Nor that fact that they had class and a billion other responsibilities. Sehun's priorities were jumbled from the night that he'd taken the bravest step of his life and kissed Jongin's aching face after watching him get punched for no other reason than worrying about his neighbour.

They heard the heavy warehouse doors open and then slam shut. They froze as familiar voices drifted to where they were hidden behind the broken furniture.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun come in talking loudly.

“Why the hell would he tell you to meet him in this place?” Chanyeol said.

“How should I know? He said it was important though, I can't just say no to a professor. Especially not a cute professor.”

“Shut up Baek, he's not _that_ cute.”

“Aw don't worry, you're still the cutest.”

“ _Stoooopp_.”

“Anyways, thanks for coming with me. This is pretty sketchy to be honest.”

Only moments after him saying so, a door, on the opposite side of the building from where Chanyeol and Baekhyun, and before them Jongin and Sehun, had entered, opened giving rise to soft footsteps that grew louder as they approached. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were uncharacteristically quiet as they waited for whoever it was to come closer. Jongin and Sehun, if possible, were quieter.

“You brought someone,” yet another familiar voice said. The two greeted Professor Kim politely, Chanyeol’s greeting noticeably sounding more like a grumble than a coherent sentence. They seemed to be ignoring the fact that the Professor hadn’t greeted them properly and sounded pretty peeved at the fact that Baekhyun hadn’t come alone as he must have been expecting.

Sehun shivers and Jongin notices. He stealthily reaches out to where their jackets are discarded in front of them and pulls one of them over gently to cover Sehun’s bare torso.

Sehun stops listening as Professor Kim makes up some bullshit excuse for wanting to meet with Baekhyun. Something about him being a theater enthusiast and recruiting for the spring musical in the next semester that he had the honour of directing. Sehun was a firm believer of his own conclusive assumptions and he’d never let go of the assumption that Professor Kim was a total tool. He probably just wanted to get into Baekhyun's pants and was pissed that Baekhyun had brought Chanyeol who was probably clinging to Baekhyun like a possessive boyfriend.

“Why meet in here?” Chanyeol asked, butting into the conversation that had been between just the Professor and Baekhyun so far. It brought Sehun and Jongin's attention back to the situation, as they’d been concentrating mostly on staying quiet and not getting caught thus far. “Why not your office or, I don’t know, _literally anywhere else_.”

“Well, I was headed here to look for something anyways, thought I’d kill two birds with one stone.” It wasn’t exactly what the Professor said that sent chills through Sehun, since it was an old saying, but the way he said it. It wasn’t even menacing at all. Just… off. It kind of reminded Sehun of the way the Professor addressed him when he was with Jongin, that is, the very few times he paid any attention to Sehun’s existence at all when Jongin was around. Either way, he called bullshit.

Sehun thought it. Chanyeol said it.

Sehun wishes he could have seen the Professor's face when Chanyeol said it right to his face.

Even Jongin is stifling his laughter with his palm.

 “Well I haven’t joined anything for next semester just yet Professor Kim, but I’ll let you know when I decide what I want to do.”

A seriously embarrassing slap to the face. Metaphorically speaking of course, thought Sehun might have wanted it to be literal.

\----

“It's stupid.”

“He's not _lying_ about the musical Sehun. Sign up sheets for auditions are posted.”

Sehun grumbled slightly but nevertheless relented to Jongin's insistence.

“Hey maybe we should join. Musicals need dancers right?”

“Yeah, sure. We’ll join. When I grow horns and a tail.”

“So no way in hell?”

“No way in hell.”

Baekhyun and Chanyeol joined them at what had become their regular lunch table. But it was getting too cold to sit outdoors. They'd have to find a new spot.

They didn't mention anything about the encounter with Professor Kim. Which was probably a good thing, because Sehun tended to descend into very negative rants about the Professor whenever he was brought up and he had a feeling Jongin was kind of tired of it.

It's not that Sehun hated him for no reason. Just that his reason was kind of dumb. He didn't like that the Professor was giving attention to Jongin because of some of the rumours he had heard about these ‘internships’ that the Professor liked to hand out. He knew Jongin could probably handle a situation like that on his own but Sehun would rather not have Jongin go through it at all. And if the professor was really making inappropriate advances and Jongin rejected him, it could jeopardize his future in the field he's aiming for.

Even though the situation was a little different with Baekhyun, as he wasn't Professor Kim's student, nor was Sehun as close to Baekhyun as Jongin was, he was sort of glad that Baekhyun had Chanyeol watching out for him anyways, since Chanyeol seemed to have a distaste towards the Professor, similar to his own.

Jongin and Sehun don't mention the overheard conversation to the other two and they don't say anything about it either. Which was just as well, as it wasn't pleasant conversation topic anyways.

\----

With classes finished and no reason to stick around, they had no choice but to sulk to Sehun's uncle's house to retrieve his remaining belongings. Sehun told Jongin that he didn't have to come, since Jongin had work later. He told Jongin to go home and rest before work but Jongin wouldn't listen. He insisted that he didn't want Sehun to be alone around his uncle, nor was he going to be able to carry all his things on his own while injured.

They were ignored the entire time they were there. Sehun's uncle told him he had half an hour to get everything and they made sure not to waste a single second. They were out in twenty minutes

There was still something about how Jongin acted that was a little concerning to Sehun. He wouldn't stop checking the time on his phone. He checked before entering the building and then pulled Sehun away from the doors and dragged him to the convenience store down the street. They milled around for ten minutes but all Jongin bought was something to drink. Then he checked the time again and told Sehun to hurry up on the way back to the apartment. He'd done the same thing before they left for class. Fussing over his hair for no reason for fifteen minutes before saying they could leave. Sehun had never seen Jongin even glance at himself in the mirror before that

Jongin went to work and Sehun went to talk to Yixing on his own.

“So you're friends with Jongin?”

“Uh, yeah I guess.”

“Well we've got a few vacancies on the seventh and eighth floors, but you'd have to give us a few weeks to get them fixed up and stuff since they've been empty for a while.” Yixing scanned a list for a few seconds. “411, the one next to Jongin's is empty but we don't really rent that one out. We could, I guess, if you would rather be closer to Jongin. But usually if we ever try to, people always end up choosing a different one.”

“411? That has to be a mistake. Jongin told me someone is already living in 411.” Not just that, but Sehun had _seen_ Kyungsoo.

Yixing frowned and looked down. “No… no mistake. 409 is taken, Jongin started renting 410 at the end of August and 411 is empty. Has been for a while now.”

Sehun frowned. “How long exactly? If you don't mind me asking, that is.”

“Five years. 410 and 411 were both emptied due to, uh, unforeseeable circumstances at the same time five years ago and 410 has been rented out a few times before Jongin moved here but never for long and, well, 411 has just always been empty.”

“Um, can I have a couple of days to make my decision?”

“Of course.”

Sehun wonders how much Jongin would mind being bothered at work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse whatsoever as to why it's been over a month since I've updated.... but hey, I haven't given this up.
> 
> So it's been a long time and I figured people are probably confused because even I've forgotten most of what I've written but I'll try to summarize a bit.
> 
> Basically Junmyeon killed both Kyungsoo and Luhan five years prior and got away with it. Both their souls are lingering but in a different way. Kyungsoo relives the last week of his life over and over (basically from the time he confirmed that he was a side hoe to a married man to when he was killed) and no one has moved into his apartment since. He's able to break the routine at certain points but at other points, basically all his encounters with Junmyeon, he's doomed to relive everytime. Whoever moves into Luhan's apartment is affected over time by his paranormal residue or whatever you'd like to call it and they start experiencing what feels like auditory hallucinations. Jongin's really only one who hasn't moved out right away (because he's a broke college student with no where to go). He is trying to avoid his apartment in the times that he thinks he'll hear things, because it's more difficult to listen to now that he knows the truth.
> 
> If you think that there's anything else that needs explaining at this point let me know!
> 
> And let me know what you think of this special Sehun chapter dedicated to.... the very special Sehun himself (how u doin boi ily). I wanted to basically establish Sehun's character a little more because I felt he may have been coming off a little cold and distant but now you know he just says what he thinks and he becomes a dork when he wants affection and he is super into Jongin!!!
> 
> Or swear at me in the comments for being a shitty updater and lying to yall about how soon the update was supposed to be.
> 
>  
> 
> Last sort of note: I especially want to apologize to everyone who has commented because you guys have given me feedback and I've let you down :(((
> 
> I also want to thank you guys because reading comments really makes my day and reminds me of why I love writing :D


	18. First Snow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter while I was sick so I don't entirely remember what it's about lol

“I mean he's confused right? Like I don't really like judging a book by its cover but the dude looks like a total stoner so I don't know how he manages an entire building I especially don't know how he could confuse an occupied flat with a vacant one when _clearly—”_

“He said that no one is living there?”

“Yeah”

“You mean he doesn't know?”

“That's what I just said.”

“He offered the apartment to you as if it was unoccupied?”

“He _sort of_ offered it. Just said that no one had rented it since unforeseeable circumstances a while ago.”

He paused and looked at Jongin who was deep in thought. Jongin already knew why the apartment was empty of course, he just didn't want Sehun to find out. What if Sehun inquired more about it. What if they ran into Kyungsoo and Sehun mentioned it and Kyungsoo was caught off guard and the secret was let out. He was overeating of course. He did everything in his power to manage to be away when he would be most likely to hear something happening next door, even though he now knew that nothing really was. He had also done his best to keep everything out of his mind. But the topic being so casually mentioned by Sehun threw him off slightly.

“Jongin, did something happen while I was gone?”

He looked up in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you're acting really weird, you're barely looking me in the eyes, and you're asking _really_ weird questions.”

“I don't know if I can tell you….” He whispered

“Tell me what”

“You won't even believe me”

“Believe wha—? Jongin stop this right now and tell me what the fuck is going on.”

Jongin thought about it. If Sehun didn't believe him then he would just think he was crazy, to be honest he still couldn't believe it himself but if he did believe him… well he didn't know what would happen. Should he even be getting Sehun involved in this in any way?

He looked up at Sehun, snowflakes from earlier, the first snow of the year, adorning his hair like a crown, and hanging off his bangs looking like diamonds reflecting the headlights of passing cars.

He wishes he could do this somewhere more comfortable. Like in bed. But Sehun had been over to his place plenty of times now meaning he had to be affected by Luhan's essence or whatever and if he had the timeline right, then Kyungsoo would be crying all night and Sehun would be able to hear it. He didn't know if he could handle that. He'd been sleeping in his living room to avoid the truth of the next door apartment. Sehun would eventually start feeling like something was going on, and then Jongin would have to tell him the truth anyways.

He guessed that a park bench, late in the evening, in the dark and cold was as good a place as any for a ghost story

“He’s dead, Sehun,” Jongin started.

“Who’s dead?”

“Kyungsoo.”

“He _died_ while I was gone?!”

“No. He’s been dead this whole time. Five years to be exact. And he just relives the last week of his life over and over again.”

“Jongin,” Sehun sighed impatiently. “I don't understand. Can you just please tell me what’s going on in a straightforward manner?”

So Jongin tried to explain as best he could. From hearing gunshots and having a panic attack to breaking into Kyungsoo's apartment—which Sehun did not comment on—and finding it empty, to his theory about Kyungsoo killing his abuser and then running away, all the way to everything Kyungsoo had explained to him about being dead and stuck between this world and whatever there was after life. He omitted the details of the murder itself, only stating that there had been someone else that used to live in his apartment that had also been murdered but his soul had not become stuck like Kyungsoo’s so only certain aftereffects remained, and that was why Jongin had been hearing things and feeling things he couldn’t explain.

“So after a while this Luhan guy’s soul starts taking effect on you and you start hearing and feeling what he did in extremely realistic hallucinations.”

Sehun listened quietly, his hands clasped around Jongin’s and rubbing them to keep them warm. Jongin did his best not to cry while talking but he would feel Sehun squeezing his fingers every time he sounded a little choked up.

“Do you believe me?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“I know it sounds far fetched.”

“It does.”

“But you yourself told me that Yixing said the apartment is empty. And you’ve _seen_ Kyungsoo.”

“That’s what I told myself when Yixing told me but, Jongin, it was dark and we were high.”

“Weed doesn’t cause hallucinations. And I definitely wasn’t high when the rest of it happened.”

Sehun doesn’t reply.

“You think I’m crazy don’t you.”

“No I think you really believe this. You obviously have a reason to believe it so you must have seen _something_ or gotten _some_ kind of definitive proof right?”

Jongin stayed quiet. No, he didn’t yet have anything that couldn’t be waived off with an explanation.

“Does anyone in the building know anything?”

“Minseok and Jongdae were hesitant to talk about it. They were his friends. But I talked to Jongdae and he explained some things. Pretty much the same things Kyungsoo told me but a little more from, you know, the _living_ perspective. Like how quickly the police had been in and out and how the crime scenes were pretty much spotless only a day later. How everything was swept under the rug and how there was only a passing mention in the newspapers and then no one ever mentioned it again.”

“What about your boss? He lives in your building too right.”

“Sehun I haven’t even been able to think straight these past few days without you here. I tried to talk to as many people as I could but I just—” he sighed, feeling drained. “And then most nights, when I hear what’s happening, what _happened_ , and knowing that Kyungsoo is reliving his _murder_ over and over and I can’t _do anything_ —and you don’t believe me either.”

“Hey calm down okay? Look, as hesitant as I am about believing in ghosts after half an hour of you telling me about them, I trust you, always, with all my heart, I don’t think you’re crazy.”

“Thank you, Sehun,” Jongin said quietly.

“Relax, alright?” Sehun pressed a soft kiss to Jongin’s temple. “Let’s get through tonight and then tomorrow we can see about getting you out of there.”

“What?”

“Well, you can’t stay, right? You can’t seriously _want_ to stay after all this?”

“I guess not. B-but I just feel like I’m abandoning him. Like I’ve done nothing.”

“What can you do? Catch his murderer?”

Jongin scoffed. Kyungsoo had refused to give him a name and Jongdae kicked him out when he asked. “That was my first thought. But there’s no way I could manage that. We’re criminology students Sehun, trying to solve a double homicide so many years after the fact is like trying to swim through jello. Professor Kim said so on the first day of first year.”

“Exactly. Now we gotta find a place to stay for the night, maybe its best if we don’t go back there for a while.”

 ----

They found solace at Chanyeol and Baekhyun's shared apartment, closer to the campus than Jongin's. They didn’t question Sehun when he called them from Jongin’s phone, likely thinking it would be explained when the two arrived there, but after seeing a frozen red eyed Jongin, and only slightly better in condition Sehun, they didn’t say anything, setting up their couches with pillows and blankets for the two and ordering pizza even though they had both already eaten.

Jongin and Sehun explained a few things, leaving out talk of murder and ghosts, just so Chanyeol and Baekhyun wouldn't worry about why the two needed a place to stay in the middle of the night when Jongin already had a place. Of course Jongin trusted them with the truth, but he didn't want freak them out or have them think he was losing it. It was bad enough that Sehun probably thought he had gone nuts.

The next morning, Jongin tells Sehun that he doesn't want to move just _yet_. Sehun agrees but let's him know that he thinks it's ridiculous that Jongin wants to stay in an environment that's causing him so much stress.

They go talk to Yixing together and tell him they'd like to move in together in a slightly bigger apartment than Jongin's. They didn't exactly plan for it to end up that way, but it seemed to be the most natural decision once they entered Yixing's office.

Jongin also finally cleared up things with Yixing, assuring the man that he _wasn't_ complaining about Jongdae and Minseok lifestyle. He tried to pry a little by mentioning that it was the empty apartment that he was hearing things from.

“Oh gosh! I should have guessed that's what you were saying Jongin. I'm so sorry! You're not the only one who's said it. Jongdae and Minseok are sure 411 is haunted or something, but I don't really believe in that stuff.”

He said it so casually that Jongin had to take a second, sharing a worried glance with Sehun, before he could reply.

“Even though a lot of people have had those kinds of experiences?”

Yixing looked thoughtful. “I just don't think haunted is the right word for it. So, 7th floor? 706? You're both happy with that one?”

They nodded simultaneously.

“Great! I'll have it ready for you to move into in a month. That work?”

They nodded again.

\----

            Jongin was good at research. He knew where to find things, but this time it was different. It felt like he was searching for something that wasn’t there. He had gone down to the local library and scoured through the newspapers from five years ago. Surely enough, he found an article. Just one. He finds out that Kyungsoo and Luhan went to his school and other things that Kyungsoo had already told him, that they lived next to each other and that they had been shot.

            However that was about it. No suspects. No conclusion to the case. It was ridiculous.

“You’re going to drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what happened.” Sehun told him.

“If I could just figure out—”

“Who it was that did this? How would that help Jongin? He obviously has ways to get around the law. If he can get away with a double homicide, I’m sure he could get away with more.”

Jongin knew Sehun was right. But he just couldn’t get it out of his head. Maybe moving apartments truly would help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hoping for this to be a bit longer but I'm currently on my death bed so I didn't know when I'd next get to post something. Hope you enjoy!


	19. I Lost My Mind

**Two and a half months later**

“How was work?” Jongin asked as Sehun walked in, looking like he'd had the life sucked out of him.

Sehun sighed and greeted Jongin with a kiss. “Let's just say that Tao kid is going to get his ass kicked by me one day.”

“Right, Yifan told me that Tao’s been unnaturally attached to you.”

“Can it be stopped?”

“Nope.”

“Dammit.” Sehun groaned. “How was your day?”

Now it was Jongin's turn to sigh.

After they had moved, Sehun had begun looking for a job, since he couldn’t just continue living off his high school savings, especially since he no longer had the support of his uncle. Professor Kim kept pushing Jongin to participate in things in his field, even offering a decently paid internship, and adamantly saying that he wouldn’t be after Jongin if he didn’t think that he had a lot of potential. But Jongin didn’t really pay him much mind.

He was trying to find out information about Kyungsoo from the university but he kept reaching dead ends. At every turn there was someone telling him that they weren’t allowed to release the information that he wanted, and anyone who had attended the university with Kyungsoo had long graduated. Of course, Jongdae and Minseok were no help either. He didn’t even bother going to them anymore, not because he was worried he was bothering them, but because he hated how they tried to convince him to stop digging around. It made him feel pitiful.

Sehun was still sure that the Professor was making inappropriate advances but after only a bit of research he discovered that the internship wasn’t even with the Professor. It was at their local police department and it would look pretty amazing on a resume. The best part about it was that it would get Jongin’s mind off their dead neighbour. He pushed Jongin to go for it as well and Jongin thought that if Sehun thought it was a good idea, then maybe it was. So Jongin gave his two weeks notice to Yifan and Sehun applied for the position, effectively taking his place.

But the internship wasn’t anything he was expecting at all. He was basically the mule, being told to carry things around, sort through files and put them in their correct places, clean up the temporary cells and interrogation rooms (that was probably the worst part, it’s not like they had a janitor for nothing, right?). The only part he liked was going for a coffee run because that meant he got to come to the cafe, since it was only a couple of blocks down, and flirt with Sehun while Tao and the other employees gagged at them and Yifan scolded him for distracting his staff.

He didn’t, however, want to outright tell Sehun that he kind of hated it, because it truly was good for his career—and it’s not like jobs were meant to be liked—and he felt great being too busy to think too much about Kyungsoo. The more he thought about the sad ghost, the more dreadful he felt.

“Same as always, last week I organized files A-D, this week it was E-G. Next week, who knows.”

“I have a feeling it might be H-K, but you’re right, only time will tell.”

Jongin laughed at Sehun’s dry attempt at humour. He couldn’t help but think Sehun was funny and cute even when Sehun didn’t mean to be. He couldn’t believe how incredibly lucky he was to have Sehun by his side. Because otherwise, he’d still be living in his old apartment, not knowing the hell to do with himself, and pining after a dead guy, who very clearly didn’t want him to stick around. Jongin had never been the best at voicing his feelings, but he felt Sehun ought to know how much he meant to Jongin.

Though, as much as he wanted to, he didn’t say anything. He felt guilty, because even though he was grateful that Sehun seemingly believed his crazy words without much proof—since Sehun had never seen Kyungsoo’s face and there was only one small newspaper article to go by—he was lying to Sehun about something. He had promised that he would do his best to put this ghost stuff behind him, that he’d stop trying to push through the dead ends of information he had, and that he would stay away from the allegedly haunted apartment.

Jongin knew that the reason Sehun had asked him to promise these things were for his own good. He had been driving himself insane with all of it. But Sehun thinks that Jongin’s promise was sincere. Sehun thinks that Jongin doesn’t ever go to see Kyungsoo.

That’s where the guilt comes in. Because that’s far from the truth.

**\----**

The truth was that Jongin took every chance he could to visit Kyungsoo and try to get information out of him, since he couldn’t find information anywhere else. He wanted justice for Kyungsoo—despite how unlikely it was that he would accomplish anything at all—hoping that it could put him at peace. Most of the time, Kyungsoo would tell him not to bother and to just forget that he was there. He couldn’t really stop Jongin from coming, but that didn’t mean he was going to tell him anything.

Most of the time, when Jongin visited him, Kyungsoo seemed fairly okay. Sometimes, however, he was in an emotional state that neither of them could change. It was times like those that he would say things to Jongin, that he probably would have kept to himself otherwise. Though it was mostly just about how much he missed Luhan, how guilty he felt about getting him killed, sometimes he was angry too, and would curse at everything, even at Luhan for being stupid enough to try and help him.

Then, there was the time that Kyungsoo told Jongin that he was in love with him.

Jongin had only asked him how he was doing.

Kyungsoo had scoffed at him through tears. “How typical of someone _alive_ to ask me something like that. I’m a ghost that's bound to reliving the last and worst week of my life over and over again, after also causing the death of someone I really cared about. All because I was horny and emotional. On top of that I let myself fall for someone very much alive and I even made a move on him knowing he pretty much had a boyfriend who is also very much alive unlike me who is very much dead. How do you think I’m doing?”

Jongin had wanted to cry too.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you fall for me?”

Kyungsoo’s shaky sigh had made Jongin’s heart clench painfully.

“Because you're the only one Jongin. In five years, I’ve seen people be affected by Luhan's presence all in the same way. They’ll hear things through the wall—the yelling, the fighting—just the annoying physical manifestations of our haunting. They’d bang on the wall, telling me to shut up, as if I could do something, complain to Yixing about the noise, as if _he_ could do something. Ignore me whenever they saw me crying in the hallway or the balcony looking like I’d thrown myself through a trash compactor. They’d just leave once they got sick of it. Then you come along, and the first thing you do is offer me a joint.”

Jongin didn’t know whether to cringe or be fond of the first time he talked to Kyungsoo.

“You're the first one that's come through that's started feeling something too—not just your own emotions like confusion and annoyance—but emotions that shouldn't be there, emotions that it doesn’t make any sense for you to be feeling.”

Jongin gulped. It was true that he felt an unusual infatuation with Kyungsoo for reasons he couldn't explain, but he hadn’t realised that he was the only one to feel it. That he was the only one to interact with Kyungsoo in this way.

“You have haven't you? You felt fear, jealousy, sadness, at times you shouldn’t have. You started feeling things for me and you don't even know why but it was intense and you didn’t even realize how it started to happen. As if those feelings were always there. Then when you moved out, they weren’t so intense anymore, but they’re still there, because you keep coming back.”

Jongin nodded.

“That's why I wanted you to move, I didn’t know what would happen if you stayed too long.”

“H-how do you know this? If I'm the only one.”

“I’ve become good at predicting this place, this halfway world. Maybe it's becoming part of me, or I’m becoming part of it, that's more likely. Besides, you're the only person I've felt anything for too.”

“But Sehun, he said he felt something too. Bad vibes, and the feeling of wanting to help you.”

Kyungsoo scoffed. “Oh well, that’s probably just because he has amazing intuition and he’s a genuinely nice person who’ll help any pathetic poor soul in need. Want me to compliment your boyfriend more? Or was that enough?”

“Sorry. But you still haven't answered my question properly.”

“What do you want me to say Jongin? I'm dead and lonely and you're the first person to come around and give a shit about me and deep down, because I know it's probably Luhan's lingering presence that's making you care…. you make me feel less guilty. Because I don't know if there is a heaven or hell or nothing after this, and I don't know where he is—if he's at peace or suffering or just _gone_ —and it's all my fault. Just knowing his feelings are flowing through you helps me pretend that he would still love me after everything. That's why I love _you_ , Jongin. Because I don't know what it is about you that is channeling Luhan's soul in a way that no one else who lived here did. It's a stupid explanation but I don't care. You asked a stupid question.”

Jongin wondered that too, but he was also worried about the fact that Kyungsoo seemed to think that this was his fault.

“You know, dying wasn’t your fault. And if you couldn’t stop your own death, how did you expect to stop Luhans?”

“I've had five years to relive this week Jongin, there are a billion things I could have done differently to avoid this.”

“But Kyungsoo—”

“The worst part is, the time I spent with Luhan, with Minseok and Jongdae, all of that is a distant memory. The only parts that are vivid, like I'm right there again, are with _him_. Only when he's there. And it's like he's torturing me all over again.”

Jongin didn’t know what he could say to Kyungsoo to make him feel better. It was likely there was nothing. At times he would selfishly think about why it had to be him to move next door to Kyungsoo, to start caring so much, start suffering so much. Why couldn’t it have been someone else?

Though he had moved out and found distractions, and his thoughts were no longer consumed by Kyungsoo’s situation, it wasn’t completely out of mind either, especially since he kept going back. Even though he had promised Sehun he wouldn’t, he didn’t exactly come to terms with why Sehun might have wanted him to stop, so he didn’t see the harm.

Until one particular day.

\----

“Where the hell were you?”

Uh…oops.

“You told me you were done at 6. I thought we agreed that I'd meet you there and we'd go to the studio.”

That was the agreement. But it had totally slipped Jongin's mind. He'd hit another dead end that morning and decided to go visit Kyungsoo, completely forgetting that he and Sehun were going to practice that evening.

“I called like a hundred times but your phone was off. I was so worried.” Sehun came up to Jongin and embraced him, making the guilt surge up from his abdomen to his throat, practically choking him.

“I'm sorry. My battery died and I didn't have my charger on me.”

“It's okay,” Sehun said. “At least you're safe.”

“It’s not okay.”

“Seriously Jongin, it's fine. Shit happens.”

“No Sehun, I'm really sorry. I—” He wasn't sure how Sehun would react but he just couldn't keep it in anymore. “I went to see Kyungsoo.”

Sehun pulled back. “What?”

“I know you asked me not to but—”

“It isn't just that I asked you not to, Jongin, you _promised_ that you weren't going to. Does that mean nothing to you?”

“I just can’t help it. I need to do _something_ —”

“He’s dead, Jongin, what can you possibly do?”

“I have to try.”

Sehun scoffed. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I’m serious.”

“This isn’t healthy, Jongin. You’re obsessed.”

“I’m _not_ obsessed I just have to figure out how to—”

“I don’t think you understand how crazy you sound when you say things like this. How exactly do you expect to help someone you claim is dead?”

Jongin hesitated before answering. The way Sehun worded his sentence was bothering him. “So you do think I’m crazy. You don’t believe me at all!”

“That is not what I said.”

“You just said—”

“Are you seriously angry with _me_ right now?! I told you I’d believe you no matter what, and I _do_ , even without definitive proof! But the one thing I asked of you was to accept that there is nothing you can do. That you have to move on. Have you really been lying to me all this time?”

Jongin didn’t answer. He knew Sehun was right. Jongin was the one who had done wrong, and yet he was acting victimized. He just couldn’t help his desperation. He couldn’t control the way he was feeling.

Sehun seemed to mistake his silence for something other than guilt. “Just forget it.”

Sehun grabbed his coat and started to pull on his shoes. Jongin realized what was happening and quickly latched onto Sehun's arm.

“Sehun, wait. Where are you going?”

He didn’t get a reply, but Sehun pried Jongin's fingers from his arm and left before Jongin could do much else, slamming the door in his wake.

Jongin was too shocked to move at first, but just as he regained enough composure to follow Sehun out the door, he heard the telltale sound of the elevator doors shutting. He was too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to ask for forgiveness for being so bad at updating :(
> 
> I was wondering if you guys would want to see a very short sequel after this is over (I'm talking like one-shot or two-shot nothing more), or just a couple of epilogues? I was thinking epilogues might be easier since it would put everything related to this story in one place but just tell me what you think!
> 
> (They would be solely SeKai btw)


	20. The Space That Will Not Allow Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been two godforsaken months but here I am!

“Tao, have you seen Sehun?”

“So what if I have?”

Jongin swears he could jump over the counter to strangle the kid. Sehun hadn’t been back for a couple of days and his phone was off. Jongin felt horrible when he realized he didn’t know anyone he could talk to, to find out where Sehun might be staying to avoid him. They didn’t really have the same friend groups, so he could only try the one place that he knew Sehun couldn’t avoid. Work.

Jongin avoided overreacting. “Have you? He was supposed to be working today.”

“Ugh, I know. That’s why I took this shift. But _then_ I come in and find out he switched all his shifts this week. I was so pissed. So then I asked Yifan if _I_ could switch all my shifts this week too, but Yifan was all like ‘Fucking hell, Zitao, do you ever stop talking long enough to actually get work done?’ and I was like…”

Jongin sighed, tuning Tao out, and looking around to see if Yifan was in sight. Maybe Sehun had said something to him. Yifan came out from the back and a disapproving frown settled on his face when he noticed Jongin standing at the counter and Tao talking at lightspeed.

“It’s good that you came in,” Yifan said. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

Yifan led him to the back and into the break room, closing the door behind him. Jongin had a feeling this talk wasn’t going to be about Sehun.

“Jongdae and Minseok told me that you moved floors.” Jongin nodded. “But that they see you down on their floor just as often, if not more often than before.”

“Um… I can explain.”

“I don’t need an explanation. I’ve known you for a year and a half now Jongin. You’re hardworking and dedicated and I have no doubt that you’ll excel in whatever you do. However, I think that you’re wasting your abilities—that might not be the best way to say it—perhaps you’re putting too much effort into the wrong things. You should focus on the things that you’ll get something out of in the end. Like that internship you told me about. But chasing for answers in places there are none is only going to land you into trouble.”

“You know about Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked wide eyed, then he mentally shook his head. Of course, he already knew that Yifan knew about Kyungsoo. “I mean, you know that he’s not… gone.”

“Just promise me you’ll think about what I said.”

Jongin nodded. “Jongdae and Minseok aren’t the only ones you’ve talked to about this, are they?”

“Sehun has expressed some concern as well. Though not directly about Kyungsoo, but just about your well-being in general. I made the assumption that it may be connected.”

“I’m guessing, you probably won’t tell me which shifts he switched to.”

“You guessed correctly, I can’t give out information like that to non-employees.”

Jongin tried hard not to pout but he was sure the expression on his face as Yifan kicked him out—no sign of the caring man during their little heart-to-heart just moments ago—must have been absolutely demolished, because not even Tao said more than a half-hearted goodbye as he slunk out onto the street. Yet another dead end.

He’d been working so hard trying to find Sehun, he truthfully hadn’t even thought about Kyungsoo until Yifan had brought him up. It would have been stupid of him to try and continue his research about Kyungsoo’s death while he was looking for Sehun, since that was what had driven Sehun away in the first place.

Jongin calls and texts what seems a like a million times that week. Sehun wasn’t anywhere on campus. At first, Jongin thought that he was just skipping the classes that they shared, but when he skipped his own classes to go to Sehun’s lectures, he wasn’t in those either. He checked the signup sheets in the dance studios on and off campus, he loitered around the places he knew Sehun liked to go frequent, bars and clubs and restaurants alike, but it seemed as if Sehun had just disappeared.

Jongin was more than worried. Sehun wasn’t good at taking care of himself, and it had only been a couple of months since he had been badly injured. The last time Sehun hadn’t replied to his calls and messages was when he had been in the hospital, but this time, it was because he didn’t want to see or talk to Jongin, and that was killing him.

His messages got more and more desperate as the days passed. Most of the time Sehun’s phone just seemed to be off. Sometimes, it was on, but it would just ring without an answer, before going to voicemail, at which point Jongin would leave another pitiful message full of apologies. Jongin had thought that he had been at his lowest after finding out that Kyungsoo was dead, but he was wrong.

He was at his lowest without Sehun, who had been his anchor, whereas Kyungsoo just had him floating away from sanity.

\----

Against all odds, Sehun comes back to him.

Jongin enters their apartment late one night after being made to stay to organize paperwork from some drug bust made at the precinct. He scoffed at the thought that the cops, whom the city depended on to keep them safe, left something of such importance to an intern who couldn’t even screw his head on straight, while they went out and got drunk to celebrate. Then again, if they did what they were supposed to, and had helped Kyungsoo and Luhan instead of turning their back on them, he wouldn’t be in the mess he was in at all. It didn’t matter much to him in the end, because he didn’t have anyone waiting for him.

At least, that’s what he thought.

The lights are on when he comes in and when he sees Sehun in the middle of the room, paused, as if he had been pacing, he drops his bag onto the floor with a thud—that was not good news for his laptop—and runs over to him, wrapping his arms around him tightly, even though he knew how likely it was that Sehun could push him away.

But Sehun doesn’t push him away. In fact, Sehun pulls him closer, mumbling apologies into his ear.

“Don’t. It was my fault,” Jongin said. “I broke my promise.”

“I’m still sorry. For running away, instead of talking it through. For leaving you. I never should have done that.”

“I don’t care, you’re back now. That’s all that matters to me.”

“I hated being away from you,” Sehun whispers into Jongin’s hair. “It was torture. Not knowing how you were, what you were doing, it’s an emptiness I never want to feel again.”

Jongin pulled away slowly, as much as Sehun would let him. “I’ve let it go. I won’t bring up Kyungsoo or anything else related to him again. I want to say I promise, but I’m afraid you won’t believe me.”

Sehun kisses him, a sweet gesture, despite their salty tears in the mix. “I believe you. I just don’t want you to suffer because of something that doesn’t have anything to do with you in the first place.”

Of course, that’s _technically_ true, but Kyungsoo’s words about him being different from the other people who moved into Luhan’s apartment aren’t forgotten. But he can’t say that to Sehun. Not when he just got him back, and not when Sehun just blindly trusted him again. He would just have to stay true to his word and leave this whole thing alone. That’s what Sehun wanted, that’s what Kyungsoo wanted, that’s what Yifan had told him, and what Minseok and Jongdae wouldn’t stop telling him.

It wasn’t exactly what he wanted, but if everyone around him thought it was for the best… then maybe it was.

They couldn’t all be wrong.

Right?

\----

Even though the internship wasn't with Professor Kim, Jongin found out that he would come into the precinct at times. He was one their top consultants, which wasn't surprising considering he was a senior in his field.

The first time he came in while Jongin was working, he was greeted with a warm and friendly welcome when he walked through the doors. It was clear to Jongin that he was well respected here. But the way he seemed to be revered—with everyone's attention on him as soon as he had entered the building—made Jongin uneasy.

Even more unsettling was the suspicion that forced itself into Jongin's mind when an officer asked the Professor how his wife was doing.

Jongin knew—he had _seen_ first hand—that Professor Kim was known for flirting with students. He was sure that Professor was a bachelor, no one had ever told him any different. Not to mention, Jongin had never seen a ring.

It was two weeks after Sehun had come back and Jongin had put Kyungsoo out of his mind as best as he could. He didn't mean to overhear the private conversation but it wasn't his fault that they were talking so loudly right outside the record room doors where Jongin was looking through a box for a file that someone had asked him for.

He came out just as Professor Kim seemed to be leaving. The Professor waved at him in greeting, but with his right hand. His left hand was conveniently tucked into his coat pocket. He turned to leave but the same officer from before called out to him.

“Junmyeon!”

Jongin froze as the Professor turned. This couldn't be his first time hearing someone address the Professor by his first name, right? He was sure he had heard someone calling him….

Thinking about it in the moment, this really was the first time he had heard Professor Kim’s first name.

“I need you to sign these before you leave.” The officer held out a clipboard towards the Prof—towards Junmyeon. Jongin could only watch, still in the same spot. Junmyeon took his left hand out of his pocket so he could hold the clipboard and sign at the same time and sure enough Jongin caught a flash of silver glimmering under the harsh fluorescent light.

But he had to be over thinking. He had to be making connections where there were none.

He was jolted out of his trance when the officer shoved the clipboard into his chest.

“Make sure this gets to the right person.”

Jongin glared after him. People said that to him often, leaving him to figure who the fuck the right person was supposed to be. More often than not, he just dropped the papers into the unsuspecting secretary's in-tray and gave her a charming smile to distract her. No one had ever come asking about any of those papers after leaving them with him so he just assumed they got to where they were supposed to be.

Once that was done, he almost went back to pondering what the hell had just happened. Then he remembered how those days without Sehun had felt, and why he had had to suffer through them and pushed all thoughts of Junmyeon into a dark corner of his mind as far away from his stream of consciousness as he could manage.

\----

How he ended up in front of Junmyeon's office the next morning was beyond him. But he wasn't going to knock and go in. He _wasn't._ That's not what he wanted to do at all.

Sehun wasn't the only reason that he didn't want to think about whether his professor could be Kyungsoo's murderer. There were a lot of reasons why this was the worst possible way things could turn out. It meant that the culprit had been in front of him all along. It meant that Junmyeon really did have a lot of irrevocable power with the police. It meant that he had been given an internship by a murderer in a precinct where the officers had aided the murders.

His eyes widened as he realized something, and he stopped frantically pacing outside the criminology department door.

His boss—well, ex-boss—had _slept_ with his friends murderer. Yifan hadn't known Kyungsoo well at all, which meant he would have had no idea and Jongin doubted that Yifan was the kind of person to brag about a ‘booty call’, as Sehun had put it all that time ago, so Minseok and Jongdae wouldn't have been able to warn him. Jongin wondered if Junmyeon knew that Luhan had been Yifan's friend. His stomach churned knowing from what Kyungsoo had told him, it was likely Junmyeon was sick enough to sleep with Yifan just _because_ he was Luhan's friend and an oblivious bystander in all of this.

Huffing loudly, the action causing his bangs to lift from his eyes and fall back down again, he tried to convince himself he was being ridiculous. But the worst reason was looming in his thoughts like a thunder cloud.

If Professor Kim Junmyeon was the same Junmyeon that had done all those horrible things that Kyungsoo had told him, then it meant that there really was no hope for Kyungsoo to ever move on.

And if there was no hope for someone like Kyungsoo—who was so undeserving of the terrifying situation he was in—then how could there be hope for anyone else, much less Jongin. As that last selfish thought hit him, the door swung open, revealing the last person Jongin wanted to see.

Junmyeon smiled a pleasant, angelic smile. Usually Jongin was indifferent to it. Right now he wanted to empty the contents of his stomach—the disastrous Nutella pancakes that he and Sehun had attempted to cook in the morning—onto the floor right at his professors feet.

Instead he just stared with what he knew was a ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ expression. He could feel the strain on his widened eyes and he could feel his mouth hanging open. Junmyeon didn't seem to notice his uneasiness.

“Is there something I can help you with Jongin?”

“Uh…”

Junmyeon chuckled lowly.

“Sorry I couldn't stick around too long last night. But it's good to see that you're fitting in well. It's a great opportunity for the betterment of your future.”

“Yeah, about that…”

Junmyeon frowned. “Something wrong? Do you not like the job?”

“It's not that,” Jongin said, a white lie forming on his tongue quickly, since he wanted to get out of there as fast as he could. “Seeing you there yesterday made me realized I haven't come to properly convey my gratitude for giving me the opportunity in the first place. For insisting I take it, even when I thought it wasn't a good idea.”

“You're very welcome, Jongin. Though I have a feeling that you rejecting the offer was due to that lap dog of yours, always attached to your hip.”

Jongin was surprised by the words and the tone Junmyeon used when referring to Sehun. Despite what he knew, or what he _possibly_ knew since there was lack of concrete proof, it was rare to hear the Professor with such malice in his voice. He wanted to defend Sehun but he also wanted to no longer be having a conversation with a murderer. He was about to politely bid a farewell and then go hyperventilate in a bathroom stall but before he knew it, Junmyeon's arm was resting on his shoulder and guiding him down the hall.

“You know Jongin, there are several other opportunities I have to offer for someone as bright as you. I see a lot of potential in you.”

“Um, thank you Professor but I should really—”

“I want to take you under my wing. How would you feel about being a part of my research team this summer? We’ll be travelling overseas and working actual cases with some special ops. You'd get a full course credit, you'd be the youngest person there, and you don't have to worry about it costing too much because I want to sponsor you for a grant that will cover your every expense.”

Jongin was speechless. Of course that sounded fucking _amazing_. Had it been coming from anyone else, Jongin would have screamed ‘yes!’ for the whole world to hear right there and then. But he could only notice how the hand on his shoulder had travelled down to his lower back and was now more so pushing him along rather than guiding him.

It seemed that Junmyeon didn't know what to make of his silence. “Of course you don't have to answer now, there is plenty of time until the applications are due for submission.”

Jongin wanted to reject the offer right now, so that he hopefully wouldn't have to deal with it again. But even as his lips parted, no words came out. He didn't know where the Professor was taking him but it didn't matter when he stopped abruptly. Jongin found himself with his back against the wall and the hand that had been in contact with Jongin seconds ago was now pressed flat on the wall right next to Jongin's face. The Professor was far too close and Jongin unconsciously turned his head away from the gaze, eyes latching onto the hand that was also too close.

Junmyeon's left hand.

The ring finger was bare.

There were far too many coincidences clashing in Jongin's mind.

“What the _hell_ is going on here?” a familiar and welcomed voice reached Jongin's ears before the Professor could say anything.

Junmyeon didn't even attempt to hide his eye roll as saw who it was that had interrupted them.

Chanyeol looked angrier than Jongin had ever seen him before. If even his jolliest friend who saw the best in everyone and everything couldn't stand the man, then there had to be something wrong.

Chanyeol reached out and pulled Jongin away from the Professor, who was still leaning on the wall.

“You know, I thought it was pathetic that you tried to lure Baekhyun—who by the way is _way_ out of your league—into some weird play you're directing for the excuse to sexually harass the Arts students, but seriously? You can't even keep your hands off your own students?”

Chanyeol didn't wait for an answer. He pulled Jongin through a door that led to a gloomy stairwell, not stopping, slowing, or letting go of Jongin's hand as they descended the stairs, walked through the courtyard, and were in the drama building. As soon as they were through the doors they could see Baekhyun standing in front of an overflowing notice board with a pen in his hand.

“Byun Baekhyun I swear if you sign up for that God forsaken play I'll tie all of your favourite clothes in a bundle and throw them in the ocean!”

Baekhyun looked over and stuck his tongue out at Chanyeol. “It's a good extra curricular and I'm doing it.”

It was Jongin that reached over and snatched the pen out of Baekhyun's hand. “Don't do it. You'll regret it.”

“Seriously? What's wrong with you two?”

“I _am_ being serious. He's a far worse person than you could imagine.” As soon as he said those words, he had to refrain the urge to slap his palm over his mouth to avoid saying anything else. Baekhyun had already been giving them a weird look but now even Chanyeol, who already thought Junmyeon was a creep, was staring at him curiously. “So… who's hungry?”

That broke the weirdness as both of his friends loudly claimed that they were, in fact, both starving and the trio head to the main cafeteria where Jongin already knew Sehun would be meeting them because Jongin had already asked him to. Sure enough, Sehun didn't disappoint. He had already secured a table large enough for the four of them in the corner of the cafeteria since all the benches outside had been practically buried in snow.

As the three friends joined him, he looked up and smiled in greeting, accepting a kiss from Jongin gratefully as Jongin brought their foreheads together and then initiated the intimacy. Baekhyun threw a fry at them off of his lunch tray. Chanyeol ignored them.

He was obviously still not calm after the encounter with the professor and Jongin knew why he himself was uncomfortable but he didn't understand why Chanyeol was still so on edge. Even after they had spent the night over at Chanyeol and Baekhyun's place, Jongin and Sehun hadn't told them the _entire_ story about Kyungsoo. Jongin knew that Chanyeol had weird thing about ghosts because he was superstitious and he also knew Baekhyun was the complete opposite. He didn't believe in any of that kind of bullshit so they had not given either of them too many details.

So there was no way that Chanyeol knew what Jongin knew, which meant there was no reason for Chanyeol to be as on edge as Jongin was. But he very obviously was. Jongin was aware that he had drifted slightly from his two older friends, the two people who had found him young, naive and confused, and helped him through his freshman year despite having no reason to besides the few clubs they had shared in high school.

If Jongin was them, he'd have ignored anyone he'd known during high school. It made him glad to know that they obviously had more of a conscience than he did, but he still needed to know if Chanyeol knew more than he let on, or if Chanyeol knew something Jongin didn't. Because if both of them knew something the other didn't, or if one of them had more information than the other, then the only way they would both benefit is if they were both at the same place.

If Chanyeol knew something, he could help Jongin, and maybe Jongin could help him.

\----

Unfortunately, Chanyeol knew even less than he did. It took him a bit of courage to ask but he eventually did.

He asked Chanyeol about his vindictiveness towards the Professor and Chanyeol didn't hesitated to tell him everything. It made him feel a little guilty, knowing he had been paying more attention towards Sehun and Kyungsoo than his long time friends, and yet Chanyeol was so trusting of him.

Chanyeol was extremely certain that the Professor had hurt someone close to him, an older stepbrother.

“He started going to uni, he was still living at home and it was great. I still saw him everyday and there was absolutely nothing wrong. It was like nothing had changed at all. But after a couple of years he moved out. During the final year of his degree he said he'd rather have some space than be suffocated by his family. I knew it was because of someone he was seeing and not actually because of us.”

Chanyeol stopped talking.

“You don't have to talk about this, you know,” Jongin said, “if it's making you upset.”

They were in a far corner of the quiet library. It was too early in the morning for anyone to be around to shush them.

“It's just—he said he was moving in with one of his friends, then after a year or so, he stopped calling. And… and only then we found out he hadn't actually moved in with anyone. He'd moved in next door to one of his friends, but he had been living alone. Until some freak incident where someone who was breaking and entering had apparently ended up killing both him and his friend. Or at least that's what we kept being told anytime anyone inquired about anything.”

Jongin froze.

“The police didn't even fucking tell us. Three months he was dead and we had no fucking clue. We would have had no idea if it hadn't been for his birthday coming around. I went to personally drop off his present and kick his ass for not calling and… there was no one there for me to—”

“Stop.”

Chanyeol raised his gaze from the multiple things written on the old library table they were sitting at, and met Jongin's eyes with confusion.

“So you knew. When you came over, you knew that someone had been murdered in my apartment and next door.”

He could almost see Chanyeol struggle with how to answer.

“I didn't think it would matter. But… how did you know?”

“What?” Jongin asked, not realizing he had given himself away. Given away the fact that he had already made the unfortunate connection that Kyungsoo must be Chanyeol's stepbrother.

“I didn't tell you that my brother had lived next to you. Or that his friend lived where you do. How'd you know that these were the apartments?”

Jongin decided that instead of digging himself into a deeper hole, he'd answer Chanyeol's question with another question.

“How'd _you_ know that Professor Kim was the one that killed them?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have three excuses; grades, bills, and health. But it's winter break and if i don't update before Christmas or New Years then Happy Holidays to you all!
> 
> Please comment to let me know your thoughts because interacting with y'all is really the best part of posting what I write and it's also the greatest motivation to me to know what people are interpreting out of my work :)


	21. Staying By Your Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited.

Married with kids. Married with kids and yet no one knew. No one on the university campus at least. Everyone at the precinct had a completely different story about the professor than the students at the uni did.  At school, he was _the guy_ you wanted to screw for a free credit or extra opportunities without raising suspicion. Jongin had to talk to about a billion people on campus before anyone was brave enough to say a single thing. At the precinct, people talked openly about him, but not about him as a professor. They talked about the cases he helped solve, about his family.

Jongin still couldn't believe that he had figured it out. He knew exactly who had killed Kyungsoo. But why did it feel like he had accomplished nothing? Like he knew nothing.

He had never meant to come across this kind of information about his professor. He hadn't snooped to get this revelation, it had just come to him. But he had to be sure. The only way he knew he could be was to confront Junmyeon face to face, but that could only bring about bad results. There was only one other person he had a feeling he could go to about this.

He wasn’t sure if that person could be Sehun this time around, unfortunately. He wasn't sure Sehun would understand that he really hadn't been trying to get information on Kyungsoo's killer on purpose—that he had just happened to notice something and now he was deeper than he had ever intended to be. He couldn't help but feel he had betrayed Sehun's trust once again, despite not meaning too.

He had taken his time piecing the things he already knew in his mind. Kyungsoo and Luhan's murderer had been a Professor, he had a connection with the police, no one at his work place knew about his real home life and he wasn't in the same department as Kyungsoo had been in. Professor Kim fit the description incredibly well.

Specifically, Junmyeon had a connection with the same precinct that Jongin was interning at. The same precinct that had processed Kyungsoo and Luhan's murder and had just thrown it aside instead of investigating it properly, since they had already known exactly who had committed the murder.

How exactly did Jongin know all of this for absolutely certain?

On thing for sure was that Junmyeon didn't suspect him in any way about knowing this dark secret, because if he did, he probably wouldn't have gotten Jongin a job at the same place where the records about the murders he was trying to cover up were kept.

 _Maybe_ Jongin happened to look through a couple of files from five years ago, and happened to find the exact one he was looking for.

He wouldn't call it snooping. Technically, it was his job to keep all the paper files organized. It was busy work that the cops had given to him to keep him out of the way. He spent more time in the records room than anywhere else in the precinct. If he was suspected of knowing anything, it wouldn't have been so easy to get his hands on the file that had everything he needed to know, and that everything, ended up being a whole lot of nothing. The file was thinner than a whole bunch of less complicated cases that he'd filed during his time at the police station.

It worked in his favour, however, when it came to piecing things together. The crime scene wasn't described at all, there were no pictures in the file, no coroners reports or anything. There was a list of pieces of evidence that had been gathered but when he had managed to sneak into the evidence locker, all he found was a box with the case number scrawled across it that was empty besides a half faded sticky note stuck to the bottom of the inside of the box that said nothing save for the word ‘misplaced’.

The case had obviously been neglected and then just marked unsolvable. There had been no witnesses—the case hadn't even been taken to court thanks to the ‘misplaced’ evidence. It was as if the case had been given to a rookie like Jongin who would have no idea how to file the report for a murder, but even Jongin could have done a better job than whoever had done this. Jongin knew the officers who had signed their names at the bottom of the report, they were his main supervisors, one of them being the officer who had been interacting with Junmyeon almost the entire time he had been there when Jongin saw him at the precinct.

Junmyeon's name was on the case too, as a consultant, though there was no description as to why he was needed for the case, and Jongin assumed it must have been to waive away any suspicion as to why he would have been around the building around the murder. When Jongin double checked some of the dates on the file with the dates he had managed to get out of Kyungsoo in the past, they were all muddled up or completely wrong. According to the report, the murder had occurred in an entirely different season, a good three months before the fact.

He had wanted to stay true to his word. He didn't want anything to do with any of this anymore. But now what could he possibly fucking do. After everything he knew now, there was nothing more to find out. There had been two things he hadn't known, and that was who the murderer was and how he had gotten away with it. Now he knew both.

The worst part was that he had only found out once he had decided he didn't want to know any more.

Now he can only go to the one person that he can trust it with, who unfortunately didn't want anything to do with the whole situation either.

\----

Jongin didn't know exactly how many days had passed now that he had this new knowledge. Once it had entered his mind it had been the only thing occupying his conscience.

_Should he tell? Who should he tell? And how much should he say?_

The answers to those questions were obvious.

He had to say something, to Sehun, and no one else—so far at least—and he should tell him everything he knew.

But as he watched Sehun's sleeping face—looking years younger than he was, with one side of his mouth hanging open, which would no doubt be leaking drool when he woke up in the morning—he knew that Sehun didn't deserve this. Sehun didn't deserve to know the horrible things Jongin now knew.

Unlike Chanyeol, Sehun had no personal vendetta against the Professor, though he wasn't fond of him in any way. But Sehun wasn't the kind of person to keep important things to himself. If, like Chanyeol, he had a big reason to hate the Professor, aside from the rumours, then he would have likely told Jongin as bluntly as he could.

Which is exactly why Jongin had to tell him everything, otherwise it would be considered that he had broken his promise again. But it wasn't his fault that he had accidentally discovered the marriage that Junmyeon had managed to keep a secret from at least the student body.

Of course, Sehun wasn't the first person, he had already accidentally let things out to Chanyeol and then had been forced to explain exactly how he knew what he knew. Chanyeol had told him they were better off never talking about this again, despite Jongin having just told him that, technically, if he wanted to see his stepbrother again, he could, as long as he timed it right to catch Kyungsoo's physical manifestation inside his apartment.

For all Jongin knew, maybe Chanyeol _had_ gone and visited Kyungsoo, but he had no way of knowing for sure. He hadn't gone to visit Kyungsoo himself since the night Sehun had left nor had he brought the topic up with Chanyeol again, not wanting to upset his friend anymore than he likely already had.

But he still had Sehun to talk to.

Jongin sighed, not wanting to wake Sehun up and not wanting to be alone with his thoughts either. He had to explain everything he had discovered to Sehun soon, though, because he didn't want the other thinking that he was hiding things from him again.

So the next day while they were chowing down on some takeout, Jongin tried to piece together how he was going to say what he had to say.

“Sehun,” he called out softly, to catch the other's attention.

“Hm?” Sehun replied, mouth full of food.

“This… hasn't been an easy year for me.” Sehun looked up, full attention on his boyfriend now. “But you've been there for me, through everything, even despite your own troubles.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I don't exactly know just yet… I just wanted you to know how grateful I am and—”

Sehun reached out and gripped one of Jongin's hand tightly in his own with a small smile on his face. “It's okay, I know. I feel the same way.”

Jongin took a deep breath. “This only makes this next part more difficult to say. I know…”

It was now or never, if he didn't say it now he didn't think he ever could.

“I know who killed Kyungsoo.”

The smile on Sehun's face fell and he pulled his hand away. “You're kidding.”

“I'm not.”

“You said you wouldn't—”

“I haven’t been investigating I promise.”

“Then how the hell do you know? Did Kyungsoo tell you?”

“No I swear I haven't seen Kyungsoo since that night you left. I—,” he faltered slightly with his words. He could see distrust forming on Sehun's face. “I didn't want you to leave again.”

Sehun's sighed, but his expression was no longer as intense as it had been a moment ago. “I won't. I told you, I'd never leave you again.”

They shifted so that they were snugly fit into each other's arms, food evidently forgotten for the conversation at hand.

“Tell me everything you know.”

“You're not going to like this.”

“I don't care.”

So Jongin explained seeing Junmyeon at the precinct for the first time and how weird it was that everyone was so up his ass. He explained that he saw a wedding ring but the next day on campus his hand was bare. He also told Sehun about the records and evidence—or lack thereof—with the case and how there were only written records but the case hadn't even been digitalized and didn't exist in the computer records.

He inadvertently had to mention that he had talked to Junmyeon face to face and Sehun definitely hadn't liked the sound of that, holding Jongin tighter and huffing slightly at the mention of the summer trip that the Professor had offered Jongin.

Jongin hesitated slightly when exposing Chanyeol's side of the story, but he knew that Sehun had become close to his two friends in the past few months, and that Sehun would keep his mouth shut in front of Chanyeol, not wanting to upset him.

As always, Sehun didn't talk much until Jongin was done.

“You're absolutely sure?”

“As sure as I can be right now.” Jongin said. “Tell me it makes sense? That I'm not going crazy and all of this seems at least a little connected.”

“You're not crazy. But I have to say, none of this makes sense. It didn't make sense in the beginning and it doesn't now. The situation is crazy, not you. You're right though, it's far too connected to just be a coincidence.”

“What should we do?”

Sehun sighed. “I don't know. But you haven't talked to Kyungsoo right?”

Jongin shook his head.

“Then maybe that's where we should start?”

“You wanna go down there?” Jongin asked, surprised.

“Why not?”

Jongin shrugged and they pulled apart from each other and put on their shoes.

Jongin eyed Sehun nervously in the elevator.

“What? Is there something on my face?” Sehun dragged his palm across his face to wipe off whatever invisible crumbs or stains he thought were there.

“This is the first time you're going to meet him.”

“Not the first. I saw him once before remember?”

Jongin shook his head. “Doesn't count. You didn't talk to each other and you barely saw him in the dark.”

“Okay fine,” Sehun agreed as the elevator doors opened. “First time, but it's alright, I feel like I know him already, after everything you've told me.”

“Shit what day is it?” Jongin stopped right outside the elevator and the doors slid shut behind him.

“Uh, Friday.”

“He's not—he won't be… well right now.”

“You mean he's gonna be the way he was when I saw him?”

“Yeah. He's usually in a better state of mind on other days.”

“Maybe we can cheer him up?”

“You think so?” Jongin wasn't so sure. No matter what he did or said he could never make Kyungsoo feel better.

“Well we can try. No harm in that.”

Jongin don't know what came over him when he pulled Sehun in for a kiss. Sehun returned it enthusiastically.

“What was that for?” he asked when they pulled away.

“I don't know. You're amazing, you know that?”

“Shut up.”

“Seriously,” Jongin insisted. “The main thing you know about Kyungsoo is that he's dead but you haven't even met him properly to care about him and even though the main reason we came down here is to confirm whether Professor Kim is the murderer or not but you're talking about making him feel better.”

“Well you used to come down here all the time to try and make him feel better before so you're amazing too.”

Jongin shook his head with a sad smile. “I always came for selfish reasons. I always wanted to know more, even if I did try to make him feel better sometimes, my thoughts were always towards finding out the truth so my mind could finally rest easy.”

“You're both amazing now get out of the way,” a familiar but not entirely welcome voice said.

“Jongdae seriously?”

The pair turned to see Jongdae and Minseok standing behind them. Jongin doesn't know how long they had been there for but he hadn't heard a door open.

“Sorry, _please_ get out of the way.”

The two realized that they were still standing in front of the elevators and moved away to let the other two pass. Jongdae pressed the button. They were both dressed nicely so Jongin could only assume they were going on a date or maybe clubbing. It was a Friday night after all. He bid them both a good night quickly, since the elevator hadn't gone anywhere in the time they had been standing there, and then they both made their way down the opposite end of the hall, past Jongin's old door.

Sehun was the one to push the door open when he saw Jongin hesitate slightly and then he pulled Jongin in by his arm.

The apartment was dark and cold. They flipped a switch but the bulb was old and the light was extremely dim so they just felt their way through the dark to the balcony.

Jongin was the one to slide the door open.

Kyungsoo looked up. Jongin was surprised to see the smile that Kyungsoo forced through his tears and he couldn't help but reciprocate. But when Sehun stepped out of the dark behind him, Kyungsoo was no longer smiling. He buried his face in his knees and continued weeping.

“Why’d you bring _him_?”

Jongin looked back at Sehun who was confused by the animosity that Kyungsoo seemed to have for him.

“Don't be like that Kyungsoo, he's only here to help.”

“Well I don't want him here. I don't want _you_ here either. I've told you that a million fucking times!”

Jongin sighed and approached Kyungsoo to sit on one side of him. “I don't know… you seemed happy to see me a second ago.”

“No I wasn't.”

“Were you afraid that I'd actually listened and wasn't gonna come back.”

“Just shut up!”

“Jongin,” Sehun said, calling for his attention. Jongin got up and followed Sehun back inside.

“Is there something you're not telling me?”

Jongin was confused. “Of course not, why?”

“He really doesn't seem to like me.”

“I don't know why—oh!” Jongin suddenly recalled the conversation he'd had with Kyungsoo about being in love with him. It had completely slipped his mind since his entire concentration had been on Sehun after that and he hadn't been to see Kyungsoo ever since.

He recounted the conversation to Sehun quickly, though he wasn't sure how Sehun would react but the reaction wasn't at all what he might have expected.

Sehun looked thoughtful. “I get it. Luhan must have used you to try and get to Kyungsoo.”

“Huh?”

“He must have tried to use your physical presence in our world to try and somehow communicate with Kyungsoo that he was still around too, and that's why you're more affected and pulled towards Kyungsoo than people have been in the past. Since Luhan isn't _here_ the way Kyungsoo is, maybe he used you.”

“But why me?”

“Who knows? Maybe you've been the closest to Kyungsoo in age that's come to live here. Maybe you're special. No one really know how this works right? We can really only guess.”

“Maybe but why does he hate you?”

“Because we’re fucking.”

“Could you maybe not say it like that?”

“But it's true!”

“What do we do?”

“Hm… give me a second alone with him?”

“Fine.”

Sehun went out again and Jongin remained awkwardly in place where he couldn't hear the conversation outside but he was close enough that the two outside could call for his attention if need be. He wanted Kyungsoo to be comfortable around Sehun. Maybe then they could get him to calm down and feel a little better.

If all went well, then they could bring up Junmyeon and finally know the truth for certain.

If tonight just ended up being a huge waste of time, then he'd just have to live with not knowing for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is getting so close to the end I can't even believe it. It's definitely the longest thing I've ever written (at least that I've posted online).
> 
> I already have two other stories planned (both OT9) and I'm going to make sure that they both have at the very least rough drafts written before I post anything so I don't leave them hanging for months like I did with this one.
> 
> Thanks for reading and don't forget to tell me what you think!


	22. If this is a dream

“Jongin.”

Jongin is startled by the sound of his own name. He looks up from where he's been sitting on the floor to see Kyungsoo's face appear in the balcony doorway.

“I lied,” he said quietly. “I do want you here.”

Jongin smiled and stood. Kyungsoo stepped back as Jongin came outside. Then he went and sat on the floor once more, this time next to Sehun. Jongin joined them, opting to sit on Kyungsoo's other side instead of next to Sehun.

He was a little curious as to what Sehun said, but that wasn't much of a concern.

“Sehun said… he said you know Chanyeol.” Kyungsoo looked up at Jongin with wide, wet eyes. “Is that true?”

Jongin nodded slowly. He wasn't sure what he could even say. Finding out that Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were step brothers was a little strange for him, especially after doing a little math and figuring out that Kyungsoo's death happened at some point _after_ he'd met Chanyeol. He _knew_ Chanyeol when Kyungsoo had been murdered. Yet Chanyeol had never mentioned anything of the sort.

“Is he still pining after that annoying kid Baekhyun?”

Jongin nodded again. Chanyeol was very possessive of Baekhyun, and they were ‘just friends’ or ‘just roommates’ to most. But Jongin knew after only a week of knowing them what that possessiveness really was.

Which made him wonder how much Baekhyun knew about Kyungsoo or his death.

“He's not that annoying,” Sehun piped in.

Kyungsoo snorted. “Yeah only when he opens his mouth.”

“But he never stops talk—oh.”

“How did you meet Junmyeon?” Jongin didn't know what came over him as he asked the question. But the more this dragged on, the more nervous he felt, as if they were right about to walk into a trap. Or a more fitting simile, like they were sitting ducks.

“What does that matter for?” Kyungsoo snapped. “I told you to stop asking about him. I won't tell you who he is.”

“I already know who he is.”

Kyungsoo looked surprised for a second, and then, just looked angry. “I _told_ you not to get involved. And what do you do?! _You get involved._ ”

“Hey,” Sehun chides. “I told you he had something to tell you and you promised not to get angry.”

“Well I lied!”

Sehun pouted slightly. “I thought we were friends now, Kyungsoo. Friends don't lie to each other.”

Kyungsoo looked at Sehun and Jongin tried his best not to interrupt the little moment they were having since he felt left out at not knowing how they ‘were friends now.’ But the moment Kyungsoo looked away and started bawling into his palms, his eyes met Sehun's, his own panic mirrored in them. Neither of them expected the sudden change in emotion, but Jongin felt stupid for not realizing it could happen. It had happened plenty of times before. His own first interaction Kyungsoo had ended in such a way, with Kyungsoo talking to him sweetly and then shutting him out almost immediately when he said the wrong thing.

They could do nothing but embrace Kyungsoo's cold, shaking body. He tried to speak up a bunch of times through the tears but each attempt only resulted in him crying harder. Eventually, the sobbing died down. Both of them were curled around Kyungsoo's figure on the dirty floor of the neglected balcony, their foreheads resting against Kyungsoo's cheeks. Kyungsoo didn't stop shaking even after he stopped crying.

“I don't want anyone else to get hurt. Especially not because of _me_.”

“Kyungsoo—”

“No matter how nice he looks and acts he's _not_. He can change in _seconds_.”

“We—”

“Especially if you try and confront him about something… like I did. He doesn't like not getting what he wants. He doesn't like the image he's created for himself to be shattered.”

They stayed silent this time. In case Kyungsoo wanted to continue. There was no point in being interrupted over and over again when it was likely that Kyungsoo probably didn't even hear them with how frantic he was getting.

“That was my mistake. That's what got me and Luhan killed.”

_How can you possibly comfort someone who's dead?_

“Oh, Luhan,” Kyungsoo exhaled a heart wrenching sound before he began sobbing again.

_There's nothing you can say to comfort someone dead._

Jongin and Sehun continue to hold him as he cries. It's not much—they can't bring him or Luhan back to life, nor do they have a way to bring the two together in this afterlife stage—but it's all they can do right now.

Every once in a while, they look up at each other over Kyungsoo's messy head of hair, almost perfectly in sync, eyes locking automatically, and Jongin can see the reassurance in Sehun's eyes.

As long as they're in this together, everything has to be alright. It just has to.

\----

It became sort of a routine. They went down on Kyungsoo's worst nights. They talked to him, never about Junmyeon. Jongin told him stories about Chanyeol. Kyungsoo laughed the hardest at the story of how Chanyeol and Baekhyun almost got him kicked out of his dorm, but he was also interested in how Chanyeol's studies were going. They brought him some mixes Chanyeol made or songs he had written and recorded.

“He comes here sometimes,” Kyungsoo admitted once.

Jongin and Sehun shared confused expressions. They urged him to go on.

“He stands outside the door. I can feel him. I _know_ it's him. But he's never tried to come inside, never even jiggled the door handle. I can't blame him though, it's not like I went out into the hallway to let him know I was still here either.”

Jongin was surprised. He didn't want to doubt that Kyungsoo could feel his stepbrothers presence sometimes, and he already knows that Chanyeol knows that it's Kyungsoo's apartment. But Chanyeol had never seemed to be the kind of person to hide his emotions very well. He was always bouncing off the walls if he was excited, his thing for Baekhyun was a secret to no one, if he was ever angry he wasn't shy about letting who he was angry at know exactly what he thought of them, proved by his rudeness towards Junmyeon in the warehouse and when the professor had Jongin cornered about the summer trip.

So it seemed to Jongin, maybe the reason that Chanyeol was always so open about most of what he was feeling was because he put all of his effort into hiding one particular emotion—grief. But Jongin had seen it. He'd seen it that day, when Chanyeol had told him that he knew who had murdered his brother.

\----

“I met him once, Professor Kim, just once, before Kyungsoo died. That’s how I know he left because of a person and not because he wanted his space. Then…” Chanyeol sighed loudly.

“Chanyeol it’s—”

“No, just… just let me get it all out please? I never even told Baekhyun the whole story. He’s my best friend, I know I should, even though it’s been so long since the fact. But he’s seriously considering signing up for the play now that Junmyeon is promising him the lead part even before the auditions. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t _want_ to understand, that this guy’s dangerous. He doesn’t care because as far as he knows, Junmyeon’s just a slutty professor, and the play would look great for future castors.”

“How’s forcing yourself to tell me about it, going to help Baekhyun?”

“Can we just think of this as practice maybe? I want to talk to him tonight.” Jongin nodded. “Thank you. Really, Jongin, it means a lot.”

Guilt rose up Jongin’s throat like bile and he struggled not to choke. Wouldn’t the truth just hurt more?

“Once, when I was visiting—after he died—I guess I wanted to just feel...something. His presence maybe, I don’t know how to say this.”

“Like his ghost?” Jongin contributed quietly.

“I wouldn’t say ghost, exactly, but I guess that’s close enough. I guess I do believe in dumb stuff like that though.”

_Not so dumb._

“I saw him again. He was arguing with two of Kyungsoo’s friends. I knew them but… I didn’t really _know_ them, you know? The same way they knew me, as Kyungsoo’s brother, but they didn’t know anything about me other than that. I hadn’t talked to them after all of it. There was no funeral, the police had told us so late, our family… there was no way we could have managed to have a funeral and deal with people saying how sorry they were. And none of us knew Luhan well enough to go to his funeral, or even know if he had one. So I hadn’t seen them since the few times I had when Kyungsoo was alive. They were insisting that he was going to get caught eventually. He was just so smug. He turned to look right at me, and he said ‘if I planned on getting caught for a double homicide, then I would have gotten caught,’ then he looked back at them and said ‘if your friends mattered even a little in the grand scheme of the universe, it wouldn’t have been so easy to get rid of them.’”

Jongin couldn’t believe that Junmyeon was cocky enough to go around admitting what he’d done. Nor could he possibly imagine how Chanyeol would have felt in that moment. If it were Jongin, he might have gone insane right there and then.

“I tried to say something to him. But my mind was all over the place. I started stuttering, tripping over every word. I wanted him to know that I’d never stop trying to get him arrested. But he didn’t care. He told me that no one that mattered would believe me, and even if they did, they wouldn’t do a thing about it. There was no evidence. He’d made sure of it. Even if there were more than just three testimonies, me and his friends, the police had his back, and there wasn’t a single piece of DNA found in the apartment. He had a whole forensics team to clean up after him.”

“Once he left, Jongdae and Minseok talked to me. We exchanged numbers, just in case any one of us ever came across anything that could put junmyeon behind bars and get justice for Kyungsoo and Luhan. We haven’t spoken since. I’m sure you can guess what that means.”

Jongin is surprised at the level of emotion that Chanyeol releases towards him and promises himself he will never bring up these memories for Chanyeol ever again. He had already told Chanyeol that he himself had only found out about the murders because he had heard some rumours once he’d moved in and asked the landlord. But he’s still not sure if he should just confess everything.

He hopes Chanyeol will forgive him if it ever comes to Jongin having to tell him the truth.

\----

Sometimes, Kyungsoo didn't want to see them, so they'd just leave, but not before making absolutely sure that they couldn't convince him to let them stay.

Jongin was a little endeared that Sehun was putting so much effort into this, but he didn't ask why. It was nice the way it was. They were no longer keeping anything from each other and keeping Kyungsoo distracted together secured their bond in a way that neither of them could have imagined happening in such a short time.

Without Sehun, Jongin doesn't think he could have gotten through this year at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I usually write the very end of the last chapter (aka the very end of the story and in the case of this story, what I mean is the epilogue) before the last few chapters and I just finished writing it before editing this chapter and posting it and yall are gonna KILL me....
> 
> Comment and let me know what you think is going to happen in the next chapter (the last chapter of the main story line) and in the epilogue too if you want to think farther ahead.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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